Teens to Toons

Forgive them for what they are For what they did, and what they din For they are but the prisoners of their minds Chained in their own realms of shortsightedness Their shackles defined by selfishness and I Leashed by the vicious web they spew and spurn Like a deadly spider that kills its goodness with venom Like the scorpion that bites and stings its own tail But thou art not the scorpion, the spider, the snake Thou art the bird that perches high On the wings of forgiveness and rectitude Let their sting not poison thee Or shackles of malice chain thy hope For thou must do what thou must Open thy arms, embrace the evil Like sunlight that would cut the cloud And embrace all that's dark and dull The sun that fears not the blisters But shines bright with all its strength The rain that cares not where it falls Or how it soothes the thankless soul The lotus that remains unblemished with time And carries not the scars with it What binds the patriot and the rebel Is their fight for the per...

Life brings us presents... Pleasant and Unpleasant. I had be the last person to say that life has been good to me, it has been a great journey. But rightnow, I see people in pain, people for whom i had give my life and people who mean to me more than anyone ever. But I can't do nothing. Sometimes you have to watch them bleed and all you can do is say something which means nothing and helps them no way. The sadness makes me a bit down, but I will deal with it in the sam manner as I do with life's miseries... with laughter. It is going to be a significant year for me. It is going to be a good year for me. I found a lot of things to depend on. A beautiful Relationship, though not yet complete and not tested. But still, hope beckons timidly. In life, one gets to face the betrayals and tragedies with a brave grin sometimes. Nana passed away. I love you and remember you with great affection. I still see you sometimes in my dreams. Nani, Get well soon. Hope, Hope, Hope.

A lot of sleep and some crazy mathematics.A lot of orange juice and too little food. Seems like yesterday when I defined the "Golden Rules" which I hadnever break, come what may. It seemed like crystallizing lessonslearnt from life. It seemed like I had all of it formulated. It seemedlike I had stand alone while others whithered. It seemed likehappiness to know where and what one stood for and what was worthfalling for. Too many falls later, here I stand acknowledging a grudge againstlife. Very few things mattered and they all mattered like hell. Someother things mattered as well. But eventually they all let go of me,or rather I let go of them. Seems like meandering the course of life.But this time the rant is much more deserved. I was talking to someone yesterday and they came to ask me, why did ittake me to say all the "norm" things. I wondered aloud, "norm". Sayswhom? Relationships are about getting the other person to respond in away you want them to, ...

Aur haan bhosad sale ...madarchod sale...haan tujhe hi keh raha hoon...tum sale kaam kis liye karte ho gaandu....naam kamane keliye...agar haan to phir bahut hi dukh ki baat hai...hum log ek saathkaam karte the galaxy mein...aur ek saath gaand todvate the.....jahan tak main tujhe jaanta that tu aisa nahin hai...abka pata nahinmujhe...aur Madhur ne kitna kaam kiya hai who hi jaanta hai.....saale aur baat batao.......har aadmi ke liye kaam bane hote hain ...madhur didhis job where he had t...just that he did not had his fingers cut andwhatsoever doesn't mean he is an person whom you should not treat as ahuman being...Seekh jao sale doosron ko bhi ek insaan ki tarah treat karne ka....nahin to khud bhi dukhi rahoge aur doosron ko bhi dukhi rakhoge

It has been a long time, since I feel you have been out in the open with not a thing on your mind. Does not it feel like ages? It has been quite some time when you have woken up and feeling your hair all moist and smelling sickly sweet from a night of almost no dreams. It seems like yesterday and it isn't. It has been ages. That is what you were, and this is what you are now. Take a moment off and hazard a guess. Why? Don't ever do that. Introspect if need be, never because it had be fun. Infact it can kill you... sometimes I mean. When life takes away things, or so we like to call it.. It gives us a void, that we unnecessarily try to fill. Something that might be totally inadequate, like square pegs in circular holes. That has happened over time, but do not despair, for it happens to all. Another aspect of you is regret. Regret what could have been, not how?The how part is cumbersome to deal with. Not troublesome but cumbersome. Bearing the burden of regret, you have walked, d...

There has always been a time when we think of "what if". There should always be moments in life about which we have to know and think, seldom, in retrospect, about what if? Thats ok, as long as it does not take control of our lives. Thats ok as long as life does not circle aimlessly around forever till eternity. There can be many what ifs, but still if it comes to me, there will be one which reminds me of the stupidity in ego-bred individuals like me. I was sitting across this very charming lady and I ask her places to go in a particular city. She tells me about the pubs and discotheques and such and such. And I lie there thinking of those. And then I go to them, with friends, alone, in groups... and then she years later, calls up and says why did you not go out with me? And was I shocked? I was rocked. Since then, it has been a what if moment. A true classic what if moment.

I..... I am moving out of my comfort zone. I have decided not to be an academic focussed person. Now lets get down to the murkier parts of life. Life where things are not just self-decided. They do not depend on how hard you work, how much effort you put in, how much of those grey cells you have and are willing to kill. It just does not matter what you have, what matters is how much can you show, how much can you forego, how much can you forgive and how much well can you pretend. Life is worth living. I have been duped and dumped. A silly dame tells me that I ain't good enough for her, when I did never ask her for anthing. I have been made to feel bad. I have been made to beg for forgiveness, when I did nothing wrong. I have been made to do a lot of things that ain't in my comfort zone. I was not in my comfort zone. Now I am changing the gears. Lets assume, there is something to lose. Lets assume. Those who know me, know that I ain't afraid of losing things in life. That i...

I had be the first person to accept that I am imperfect... I had tell you my faults... I had be the one to try not to be imperfect... But in life, I have failed miserably to trod the path I have set for myself. I can cry and wail, but I won't do that. Between Rationality and Idealism, I am stuck and I make choices that I regret. My relationships have been a disaster. Never I have been good at making the other people happy. Never have I been able to make them mine, in a way that I would have wanted to. Mebbe something lacks in me. Something really does. But I exist and there I am alive. Help me God make the right choices. I beg of you. I beg tonight.

In times of strife... I have been working harder.. thinking harder.. taking a lot of criticism in my stride... it has been a trying time... it has been a tough time... people have been insensitive, upright obscene... but I have been keeping cool... and in Europe, it has been tougher with no one to talk to... Keeping it in place... keeping it slow and cool.. lazing around... The motto can be... "Just keep it going, while I am alive.." Love me, I want to live on... Some lines while I am here.... Still ALIVE...

Being a dick isn't easy... One has to swallow a lot of pride and emotions to be one... In fact playing any role of a human is kinda difficult, if one wants to be perfect. Messing things up the right way, like one can't unscramble scrambled eggs.. is the way to go... then one has to stand there and watch it all happen and keep saying sorry. That's the beauty of the entire thing. Being a dick... it has a beauty. You stand there and make yourself so very visible... just like one is inside the jeans... that one has to just open up their mouth and squirt... Being a dick... ahh and ohhs of life make perfect sense, if one starts to imagine being a dick. Dickiness is infact a way of life. It can be a religion. Mebbe I can start it. Mebbe I had be the one, perfect for it. Dickiness... leads to a better life, a perfect harmony between nature and oneself. So here is one to being a dick... aloha

There’s always going to be somebody who is making money faster, running the mile faster or what have you. So in a human sense, once you get something that works fine in your life, the idea of caring terribly that somebody else is making money faster strikes me as insane

Something in me cries for freedom. It rejects everything that reeks of stagnation. It crawls out of relationships, friendships, nearly everything. Makes me forget pain, anger, suffering and my past and spurs me to just keep on taking one step after another. I love this half of mine. I adore it for all the places it has taken me to and all the sights it has shown me. It is what makes me intense, passionate, insightful, philosophical and cultured. On the other hand, there is this other side of me that loves stability. Loves to be loved and is vulnerable to sentiments too. Whereever it finds a warm enclave, it runs to it, makes some space for itself, and give it a moment and it'll be nicely ensconsed in the surrounding warmth grinning from ear to ear. It succumbs. This part of me is responsible for my immense social circle. It is what makes me gregarious. It is what you talk to when you converse with me and enjoy it. All my wisecracks are his and all the witty responses I pour forth d...

As I sit here in the night, thinking of all that has passed before me, I think of all the missed chances and the mistakes I had made. I took a long walk tonight thinking of all the lovely moments and I could think of the great romances and wonderful deeds I often thought of committing to, but alas they all escaped me. Naah, nostalgia is a disease and it afflicts me tonight. I think of my parents and sis with the greatest affection I am capable of and the wonderful upbringing I have gotten, with the right values, the right attitude, the right sense and sensibilities. They have taught me to follow the right path and I have erred and the thing that makes me happy is that I know that I have erred. That’s important, I believe. I also think of wonderful friends I have been endowed with. True to core and utterly reliable, they have made me a better person than I really am. For the past nine or so years, they have borne me with patience and took my best and worst sides in their strides. The pr...

You will have to forgive me. And forget me. She looked as if she had seen a ghost. But I love you. So what? It wouldn't work. It will. Just give it a chance. It will. It will. No, it wouldn't. But I love you. I love you. I love you. Her voice reverberated hollow in her ears. She might as well have been talking to the empty walls. For suddenly, for some unfathomable reason he was cruelty personified. Sometimes love isn't good enough. Sometimes truth isn't good enough. Sometimes, nothing is good enough. She helplessly saw him go away. Years later....... Hey, who'd have thought we'd meet again this way. She tried to feign cheerfulness and normalcy. She tried to act unperturbed. She wished inwardly her heart would flutter a little less. Yeah, it is. Errr..... you think we could..... She almost cut him midway. Hey, great news at my end. I found someone after we split. He loves me like crazy. And I am so happy to have him. Silence. You never really let me complete. Yo...

How is life... I ask myself... I ask myself all the time and I wonder... I still make sense sometimes... But rightnow it's all about making it good and in shape.. Someday when the ship would come home... I had start again... and makes some music... Complusions and Pains and Mediocrity... I am running

It was a great idea. Economterics class. The concept was to determine the uncertainty of a model... any model... and identify its "goodness"... It dawned upon me to use Heisenberg's Uncertainty principle to determine the uncertainty in Black-Scholes model... I sounded the idea to Abhishek and we both spent hours on it.. just before exams... a chance to meet the glory... of being remembered for the right reasons... making our lives worthwhile... Fuck exams... And after six hours of mind numbing... we came up to the solution and alas... It was a derivation of Gauss's Classical Linear Regression Model... How I cringed... I cried... after a long time for a long time... I was certain I had messed up my moment of truth... the faith was gone... Such moments are rare and they define all the burden of mediocrity that we carry.. Darkness and Numbness prevailed... I should have been born before Gauss... Anyhow I came up with a new incremental thing on Black-Scholes and that make...

We were opposites. Our personalities – poles apart. Don’t tell me everyone is different. We were as different as different could be. Still, we befriended each other very quickly. And within a month, we became confidantes. An attraction developed. I’m not sure if it came from within or it was just natural. Nevertheless, the attraction prevailed and soon we talked. And, we proceeded to fall head over heels in love or was it pretension? The image that I projected was not untrue. The truth was simply edited. I didn’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. Wasn’t it the politically correct thing to do? I always talked about the good times. What I never talked about were the painful times. I didn’t discuss it with my friends and kept it inside me. I always given her credit for being supportive. What I never talked about were the times that she was extremely judgemental. I always justified it and tried to change myself. I always talked about how she understood me. What I never talked about wa...

I read these lines today on someone's blog. Instead I had like to say that I like vengeance. The people I thought were kids are taking decisions to settle... and I stand alone letting people go. I draw up some courage once in a while to say what I want to. Courage is not what I lack. Courage no.. not courage. It is an absolute disaster when I try to take some efforts towards making up for lost relationships. I wonder if letting go all those people was worth being alone... or in solitude as i prefer to call it and concentrate on betas and cointegration and commodity futures. Does that make my life or do they? I am working hard no doubt, on the wrong things.. but I am making a mark. Four papers in a semester with a killer load and still the will to continue. That shows how much hunger I have and the load of ideas that need to be implemented. Hunger for work, recognition and desires. I have been reading about all kinds of things. All things which make sense and no sense at all. For ex...

An end term in the middle of the term... Nothing like that to make for a decent piece of writing... Have finished the paper on commodities... The CBM will turn out to be big.. provided We have sufficient time and it does not seem like it. Good work need time and space... I have none of them... I have been talking to this guy who has potential... I have been trying to coax him to work with me. I like him for the simple reason that he has the neurons and uses less words than are required. But he is an ass. He needs to be kicked. I hope he collaborates with me. We have four "new" ideas for a 20% project which will have a presentation of 10 minutes and probably won't be given a second thought by any of the morons. But we will write it nonetheless. Because we have to give wing to our ideas. That is the reason why we exist. Puchee. Puchee. Puchee.... Mom and Dad have shifted to Delhi. Saw them on weekend. They seem to be tired and suffering. I love them more than anything else...

Lots of things to write... I have not had an occasion to write them... But I have had a great chance to live them out. Time to change things.. set them right.. and make it home... Also make me happy.. that is what I call out for...

An inspiring post. A clean, pointed riposte... I liked the ruthlessness in the post. I liked what I saw. I liked what I felt. Yes, there was guilt. That's the first thing I felt. Then there was sorrow of letting you go. Then there was anger, of being an imbecile, ignoble man of zilch conscience. Then there was a feeling of futiliy. Then I felt a bit happy. I dream of you pursuing your dreams, successfully and happily. As I say, it was a clean post. It was clean for the precise reason that no one, including you know what I went through all these days. I know I am human, a plain normal human. I know of desires, pain and all those emotions that occupy any human. But I choose not to blame, anyone including myself for any specific reason. Maybe I should, mebbe not. It was clean because it was yours and not ours. The reason why getting out of a relationship is painful is because getting into it is a two way experience, however getting out of it is always one way. And it has to be that wa...

Happy Planet Index Your personal Happy Planet Index (HPI) is 32.2, which is similar to that of Ethiopia. Sorry to say that this is below the world average of 46. For those living in the UK, you’ll also be disappointed to hear your score is below the national average. Your score is below that of your country, 48.7. Below is a breakdown of the various components that make up your HPI score. You: 32.2 Average: 42.4 [Average is of all online responses to this survey - not the average for your country]   Life Expectancy Congratulations. Your life expectancy is above average for your gender and country. Whether it's eating well, not smoking, getting regular exercise, or just being lucky enough to have the right genes, you're doing something right. However, nobody's perfect and we could all improve our health a little! Aside from getting all the above bits of your lifestyle right, there are some more surprising factors that can influence your life expect - for example, giving up y...

Behind every poem there are unspent lives, unwanted men. CC makes me a madman... does it not?

A moment wasted never comes back... sometimes it haunts you forever... I ask why... why should I be doing what I decided not to... infact life goes on forever asking more from you... I am missing mayank as my study partner.. I have no one to study with... I am missing the questioning gaze.. my face writh with regret... I am missing a brother... I am missing the joy of continuous study... I am missing the continuity of ideas... and their rejection by sound logic... I am missing a lot of things I like... most of all.. the sounding board that he used to be... and the contempt with which he treated my ideas... and his sparse praise...I miss that as well.. he kept me on the path I wanted to tread.. never letting me move away... I need to find someone who can keep me on my toes.. I need more than a brother.. a friend.. someone I can respect, fear, admire and love... A sunday wasted... Sometimes Sahi comes close but then sometimes he does not.. he has life other than this.. and He is right in...

An imminent thing... I missed classes.. slept like a log.. lazed around like a dog... and now I hate myself for all that... got a lot of work to do.. before I die... and I am not sitting on my ample butt waiting for it...

As I sit here in the computer center.. making my case to inhuman treatment of self.. I am of the opinion that a man can torture himself/herself physically.. but the worst is the mental one which it succumbs to so very often... I have completed one paper on project financing using carbon credits and the next one would be on commodity trading and pricing... The earlier paper which I had writen on Insurance is so intuitive is that I have to find someone who says that yes.. it is relevant and worth the effort...Either it is a trash and a waste... else it presents a wonderful framework for risk analysis... who knows... only time will tell... There is one more paper that I am working on... It is on capital structure decision making... it is also in the same mould as the previous one.. an outrageous thought.. The paper which got selected in Michigan Ann Arbor conference ends up as a no consequence.. Price level targetting is the next thing on my mind... mebbe the international economics term ...

I ran the complete 3.2 kms of IIM Lucknow circular road in 18 minutes flat. No stoppages, no pausing to breathe. I had been trying to do that for past 3 days. Now with Lawn tennis at 3 am and then a jog at 5 am, I am spending at least 1.5 hours in action daily. I hardly meet anyone these days. I have been reading lately. I have been paying attention in classes. But the story of today's jog, makes me insomniac. I am worried about myself. When I started to run and tire... I told myself that every step I take will mint money for me. And no wonder I ran the complete thing. Am I am maniac or a pervert... Am I me anymore? I have been wondering all summer ... about how I got so fascinated with money. I guess it starts in Calcutta where I studied in a predominantly marwari school where all the kids were filthy rich and there was I with barely anything. Then came IITK where money did not matter. Power did. And then I did take up a job and she happened and I had to let her go. Just because s...

Lost my cell and wallet. Am not unhappy. It just gives me a feeling of being incomplete. A cell and a wallet is what i am used to. The day in office was long and a number of times I touched places where they ought to have been. However it does not matter anymore. its over and gone. All I need is to go to a Police Station and record the loss. It took me three hours to understand that the one I went to was in a different jurisdiction. help me lord.-

The Swiss trip was a wonderful time in my life. I met Lukas... who came as close to being an elder brother I never had... Then there was that romanian woman who in ten hours of premium time came so close that I was about to let go. The hosts were wonderful. I got a swatch for GrandDad... A Swiss knife for Dad and nothing else.. except some wine and chocolates... There is so much to write about experiences of Europe but I cannot condense them for the space here... The frank stupidity in my life took another turn ... the most unexpected turn... and Although it is one thing that should be written... I am willing to let go... The word Nattu must say it all... Recently I have been very withdrawn. I am not able to finish my papers... I need to get them on the paper to be published.. there is so much in the mind that I am not able to translate one of them in reality... I just need to prioritize... Help me god...

A lot of effort... waste of money and time... Finally I am leaving... Just hope that it comes out nicely... Let me go and have a good time... lalalalaaaaa...

Sometimes life has to stop and other things precede it. Time has nearly stopped and though I been writing my journal.. but a lack of internet connection makes life tuff.. when I will be back... it will be a new me.. with better ideas (hopefully) and clearer understanding of this world.. which still does not accept me..

It has not been so nice.. yet there have been opportunities... and I am willing to exhaust myself for all the things out there.. which I obviously don't want.. Iskaa koi gham bhi nahin hai. koi khushi bhi nahin hai... bas itnaa sa kehnaa thaaa.. ki tu nahin teraa gham bhi nahin.. Thodaa intezaar hai... mukaam pe pahunch kar hi dum loongaa...

I am a heavy chappal user.. The real chappal.. Hawaii Chappal... I am the real common man... the real because I use the real Hawaii Chappal.. Let me tell you the story... The current chappal that I am using dates back four years... It is in its last stages.. Over the last four years.. it has endured a lot.. travelled a lot.. Bought for 42 rupaye, in IITK Shop-C alongwith Puchee. whose chappal has also endured. I am probably the only one wears a phatichar chappal to class..more so out of habit that anthing else... that is because anyone who truly belongs to IITK knows what does the chappal signify... A freedom worn with carelessness...

kehne ko bahut kuchh hai, magar kisse kahoon... Life is fast when you run.. otherwise it is pathetically slow... So run if you want to.. else sleep..

I just got addicted to ideasmithy.. naah.. just her blogs.. there are so many.. The one thing that I liked about Ideasmithy was her clarity of thought... She knew what to say and when... all world carefully crafted and drafted... it was so sad to see her abilities all centered around herself... That is the prime problem with sensitive and talented people like Ideasmithy... She knows she is fighting the wrong battle, for the wrong reasons and with the wrong enemy... She knows and still she fights.. with a cold blind dark fury.. She draws blood... and she sheds some... and she grins and groans... she knows she needs an enemy to make her struggle worthwhile... she needs a crusade.. a holy crusade.. which she can fight with all the venom she can muster... The problem with most of us people in this century is that we have no real battles... no challenges... a meagre existential existence.. which has no reason to justify.. no "real" reason.. The wonder I felt when I read her blogs ...

A wonderful Professor. A beaut of a course... and wretched students.. that is how I would call it... Most people under mine the importance of negotiations in life... I remember how I could not ask for 7 lacs and instead settled for 6.75 lpa... So it is important... Now how does this professor get treated... If i were the professor, I had fail half the class for the behavior. Thankfully I am not the one... So today, me the brainy one.. went to the professor during the break(we have 1.5 hours class) and asked him to provide some role play, so that we could observe a negotiation... and understand first hand... He was really understanding and next class... we are in for some good time.. yipee

Industrial Relations. A well made PPT. A well organized Presentation. A nice relaxed completion. Nine giggling peers in the corner. A presentation made to run for forty minutes with no contribution from anyone else. A team of ten, I stood alone. "and to the last slide" after forty minutes of intricacies into worker-union-management relations. I finish, announce for "any questions". None came my way. Then the professor claps. Everyone does too. Then comes the blow, "Well done presentation, with help from your seniors." A charge of plagiarism. I could have died a thousand deaths. Something in me died. I went ballistic. I asked him about what he meant. He went on, telling us about last years work that he done. I interrupted, categorically stating that the work was mine and I standby whatever comes next. Life for me is about standing true and I did. I don't care who he is, what he can. I made it a point, to make him understand everything. I stand alone...

Most corporations fail to tolerate the creative fanatic who has been the driving force behind most major innovations. Innovations, being far removed from the mainstream of the business, show little promise in the early stages of development. Moreover, the champion is obnoxious, impatient, egotistic, and perhaps a bit irrational in organizational terms. As a consequence, he is not hired. If hired, he is not promoted or rewarded. He is regarded as "not a serious person", "embarrassing", or "disruptive" - James Brian Quinnn I just hope I remain one.. while I last.

I have often believed that life is about moments. Moments that have defined us, our way of life, our life... in totality. Sometimes I even have this defining sense of the absurdity that pervades my world. Two years and a day to this day... I changed. It was like the changing of a course by a river. It was akin to tectonic shifting of the plates beneath. The day she just went away. I still remember it crystal. I remember it like no other thing in my life. The pain that engulfed me, dulled my senses, lowered me into a state of constant irritation, pain and anger. I was pulled into the abyss of irrationality. I promised myself and repromised, but to no avail. She was to me, a lot more than I gave her credit for, and certainly far far more than what she thought. In a certain sense, she was more to me than me myself. Somehow I think I had never been able to express that. I still can't. I take people who I take to, I consider them mine, thus regardless of them needing emotional support, ...

I have been thinking of copying this piece I wrote.. a damn emotive crappy piece.. something that i like.. something that defines my existence... but I am too lazy to even put it down on the blog... am too tired... am too tired... am too tired...

"We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives.".... Isn't this quite true... The original from the movie... "Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see us squandering it. I see all this potential and i see us squandering it. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly w...

Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Even though the morning's lull, and the sky is dull, afternoon may be bright, it may, after all be right. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Guess you are curious, might even be starry-eyed, someday you will know, why i have shied. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Why we walk together, wonder it could be another, distances are what i fear, losing you who is near. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Before we know better, walk on and on, till you cannot see, what you've passed on. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Kindness is not what I deserve, better purpose it may serve, let me be what I resemble, A spent sigh and a tremble. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Before it's too late, Move on, It's my fate, Turn away, Stranger, Turn away

I read my mails from IITK times... Pune times.. I love them.. the depth .. the immaturity.. the feeling of being invincible... The feeling of being mature... sane... insane... all of it at the same time.. "zindagi bitaane ke liye kar rahe hai jatn".. this line from a 21 year old.. and me on that... Sometimes it is just the disappointment that makes everything around me hazy.. makes me zany... People come and blame me.. People come and talk about her.. People come and make me think... Kuchh nahin to yahin sahii..ki bas ab itnaa hi bachaa hai... bataana bhi ho to kise bataaye

Two years with no regrets... Just that I could complete my novel... Just that I could not gather enough courage to start a company... Just that I could not mature enough... Just that I could see the light in the darkness... ahh... there are so many... I could just go on and on.. Ending with lines ... "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way"... I agree... my mails are boring... Just keep your one-liners coming... If only they has kept coming..

Somehow I just can't bring myself to perform in Stats papers. I just mess them. I don't know why? I just don't know. Math is a dream to me. So is life. Maybe I have just not oriented myself to perform in exams. I have done well in all subjects, but not stats. I have failed to perform. People came up to me to tell me that it is not the end of the world. And I wonder what they mean. Is this the beginning or the end of the world? Stats is just not my cup of tea in exams. Else I can think and dream of methods properly and beautifully. Maybe it takes me time to find the inherent beauty in the effort put into developing Stats. Maybe I start living with it. I am tired of doing math papers. I am seriously tired. Never was performing in math an ego trip for me. This time I was really afraid. I did not know what was happening. I knew all the stuff as I had done it a few times and that is what I fear. If I do not get the inherent beauty in a method, i just seem not to understand it an...

This is a post that needs to be written. We are five IITK people in our section at this place. And then there is this course called QAM taught by a professor whose ability to make a mockery of our brain is unbelievable. In the 60 people in our class, everyone has reconciled to the fact that he sucks and there is no point arguing. I realized in the last class, that we five are the only ones who point his mistakes to him. I know he is going to screw us all, but we keep doing it, despite resolutions not to do it. Mebbe it is something that has been ingrained in us at IITK. The inability to stand shit is ingrained in us. That is a bad omen of things to come. We just can't stand mediocrity. Mediocrity makes me cringe. Mediocrity makes me afraid. The reason why I never went for a PhD. I had be dead if it happened to me. Anil and Abhishek have basically took him apart. Mayank has questioned him time and again. Come on guys, we need to learn to live with stupidity. We can't escpae it. ...

It has been so long since I knew you... Knew you... because I thought I knew you... It has been a rotten time, a purely rotten time... ever since you have changed. Ever since life took away the surest signs of being in my control. People have changed and I guess, I have too. mainly it is the mania in me to be really sure of what I say. maybe I am not so sure now. There is very little hope and all that hope is now long gone. But you have attributed things to me that are true and false at the same time. Let me be what I am, I can be and what I want to be. Let me be me.

My favorite chess quotes: "Remember, that good moves come from intelligence and not from memory!" Alberic O'Kelly "In order to create a work of art a player needs time. And that is only possible in the classical time controls. If you remove the beauty and deepness of chess it becomes a circus act." Vladimir Kramnik "Blitz kill ideas." Bobby Fischer "Chess is mental masturbation." Bobby Fischer "I think it's almost clear now that the game is drawn theoretically." Bobby Fischer "Lose with grace and resign in a timely manner. If you are a lot of material down and don't have sufficient compensation, it is time to lay down your arms. This way you show your respect for both chess and your opponent." Svetlana Matveeva "Players who are devoted to certain opening systems know how unpleasant it can be to play against oneself in the purely psychological sense." Efim Geller "The better player will win with eithe...

ye daaG daaG ujaalaa, ye shab_gaziidaa sahar wo intazaar thaa jis kaa, ye wo sahar to nahii.n ye wo sahar to nahii.n jis kii aarazuu lekar chale the yaar ki mil jaayegii kahii.n na kahii.n falak ke dasht me.n taro.n kii aaKharii ma.nzil kahii.n to hogaa shab-e-sust mauj kaa saahil kahii.n to jaa ke rukegaa safinaa-e-Gam-e-dil jawaa.N lahuu kii pur-asaraar shaaharaaho.n se chale jo yaar to daaman pe kitane haath pa.De dayaar-e-husn kii be-sabr Khwaab-gaaho.n se pukaratii rahii.n baahe.n, badan bulaate rahe bahut aziiz thii lekin ruKh-e-sahar kii lagan bahut qarii.n thaa hasiinaan-e-nuur kaa daaman subuk subuk thii tamannaa, dabii dabii thii thakan sunaa hai ho bhii chukaa hai firaq-e-zulmat-e-nuur sunaa hai ho bhii chukaa hai wisaal-e-ma.nzil-o-gaam badal chukaa hai bahut ahl-e-dard kaa dastuur nishaat-e-wasl halaal-o-azaab-e-hijr-e-haraam jigar kii aag, nazar kii uma.ng, dil kii jalan kisii pe chaaraa-e-hijraa.N kaa kuchh asar hii nahii.n kahaa.N se aaii nigaar-e-sabaa, kidhar ko gaii ...

Couldn't help but remember the poem (by the same name) in the film. It was written by Dilip Chitre. chakravyuh mein ghusne se pehle main kaun tha aur kaisa tha yeh mujhe yaad hi na rahega chakravyuh mein ghusne ke baad mere aur chakravyuh ke beech sirf ek jaanleva nikat-ta thi iska mujhe pata hi na chalega chakravyuh se nikalne ke baad main mukt ho jaoon bhale hi phir bhi chakravyuh ki rachna mein fark hi na padega marun ya maarun maara jaoon ya jaan se maardun iska faisla kabhi na ho paayega soya hua aadmi jab neend se uthkar chalna shuru karta hai tab sapno ka sansar use dobara dikh hi na paayega us roshni mein jo nirnay ki roshni hai sab kuchh samaan hoga kya? ek palde mein napunsakta ek palde mein paurush aur theek taraazu ke kaante par ardh satya

Kaanch ki band khidkiyon ke peeche , tum baithee ho ghut-no main muh chupaye kya hua yadi hamare tumhare beech ek bhi shabd nahin hai. Mujhe jo kehna hai keh jaaonga... yahan, is tarah andekha mera khada hona matr ek gandh ki tarah tumhare bheeter bahar bhar jayega... Kyonki jab ghut-no se sar uthaogi tub bahar meri aakriti nahin yeh dhundhli si shaam aur aanch per jaagi ek dhundhali si bhaap, dekh sakogi jise is andhere main pighla-kar main choudh gaya hoonga -Sarveshwardayal Saxena

Bas ab bujh nahin sakti pyaas... Us dard ka mujhe aaj bhi hai ehsaas... Kabhi mujhse aa ke sapno mein mil... Meri sirf itni sii khwahish... kar do poori... Peenak mein guzarte hain woh mere kuche se... kahaaron ko kandhaa badalne nahin dete (Ghalib)