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Happy, Dead Memories

An inspiring post.

A clean, pointed riposte... I liked the ruthlessness in the post.
I liked what I saw. I liked what I felt.
Yes, there was guilt. That's the first thing I felt.
Then there was sorrow of letting you go.
Then there was anger, of being an imbecile, ignoble man of zilch conscience.
Then there was a feeling of futiliy.
Then I felt a bit happy. I dream of you pursuing your dreams, successfully and happily.

As I say, it was a clean post. It was clean for the precise reason that no one, including you know what I went through all these days.
I know I am human, a plain normal human. I know of desires, pain and all those emotions that occupy any human. But I choose not to blame, anyone including myself for any specific reason. Maybe I should, mebbe not.

It was clean because it was yours and not ours. The reason why getting out of a relationship is painful is because getting into it is a two way experience, however getting out of it is always one way. And it has to be that way.

Only I know how many times, I have just let the phone in my hand and let it remain there. No I am not going to go through the pain of recounting all that I been through. I am not letting it out that easy.

Sometimes I wonder what the basis of a mutual realtionship is. The times we spent talking, the moments we shared. Was that all to it? There was more to it. The longing, the wait, the knowledge of bliss and pain. There was more to it that just words. But there were two sides to it.

Here all alone in my dark corner, I sat working harder than ever before, with little results to show. All alone and your memories. Maybe for me, they won't die so soon. I will save all the letters and the photos and the mails. I want them for they were meant to be mine and are mine and will remain mine. I own them. I am not letting go. I have let go of you, that does not mean I do not have feelings for you. It can be exactly opposite of that.

Just like parents have to let go of their children so that they can spread their wings and soar, the way birds let go or for that matter any living being, does not mean they don't love them. They do and they do. But they want them to be better than ever before. They want them to attain heights never reached before and they glow.

I wonder where will I be, when you have all those moments. But somewhere inside I know, that some part of me that has rubbed on you, for better or for worse will make you stronger, meaner, wiser, better in some way or another. And I had find my satisfaction in that. I do not deserve a lot in life but you surely do.

I have done that again and again. I have done that to people again and again. And have always been slapped back hard. And now they are gone. Some are happy and some are fighting it out. I am happy in knwoing their happiness. I am happy for them. I guess this is the way I live. This is my survival strategy.

I think I’d always think of you and smile. But I am wrong. Maybe, thou shall only live as memories. Happy, but dead memories.

For sometime in order to move forward, we need to put the past behind us. And by accepting the things, We have finally put the past behind us.

Looking forward to a whole new beginning in your life… I just know you need luck and you have all of it.

Wish you Godspeed...

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