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Comfort Zone

I.....

I am moving out of my comfort zone.

I have decided not to be an academic focussed person. Now lets get down to the murkier parts of life. Life where things are not just self-decided. They do not depend on how hard you work, how much effort you put in, how much of those grey cells you have and are willing to kill. It just does not matter what you have, what matters is how much can you show, how much can you forego, how much can you forgive and how much well can you pretend.

Life is worth living. I have been duped and dumped. A silly dame tells me that I ain't good enough for her, when I did never ask her for anthing. I have been made to feel bad. I have been made to beg for forgiveness, when I did nothing wrong. I have been made to do a lot of things that ain't in my comfort zone. I was not in my comfort zone.

Now I am changing the gears. Lets assume, there is something to lose. Lets assume.

Those who know me, know that I ain't afraid of losing things in life. That is what makes me, me. It's not about money, fame, ego, guilt, longing, desire, dreams. Its just not it. I have been trying to be a nice person, to other people. For nearly two years, I have been trying to be nice, normal kind of guy. I have been called names, called things, charged with things I never did, changed with things I ain't capable of, and I shrugged them off with a smile and a sigh.

Now we go back. We go back to times of, when I existed, like this land was my land, my territory , my domain. When I ranged this land like a predator, other were afraid of. I could still be a nice guy, but I don't want to be one. I just have decided not to pretend and be a nice guy. People were born to fear me, and lets make them fear me, once again.

They say I am a wimp, that I go all sweaty in my palms, when a woman comes and talks to me. Now I got two things on my mind then. Should I be a nice guy or Should I be myself? Now the nice guy thing does not work for me. I will try being myself and instill the fear of thy god in me. So what if they continue to fear me. So what if they feel the dread in coming to me. So what? At least I will live and die on my own terms.

Like the mail I wrote to this angel, "when I see you, i can feel the spirit of a lioness roaming in the serengeti, viewing her territory and wondering where to relax."
This is what I feel tonight. This is me back.

I am moving into my comfort zone.
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