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A season of faith and its burdens

It has been a long time, since I feel you have been out in the open with not a thing on your mind. Does not it feel like ages? It has been quite some time when you have woken up and feeling your hair all moist and smelling sickly sweet from a night of almost no dreams. It seems like yesterday and it isn't. It has been ages.

That is what you were, and this is what you are now. Take a moment off and hazard a guess. Why? Don't ever do that. Introspect if need be, never because it had be fun. Infact it can kill you... sometimes I mean. When life takes away things, or so we like to call it.. It gives us a void, that we unnecessarily try to fill. Something that might be totally inadequate, like square pegs in circular holes. That has happened over time, but do not despair, for it happens to all.

Another aspect of you is regret. Regret what could have been, not how?The how part is cumbersome to deal with. Not troublesome but cumbersome. Bearing the burden of regret, you have walked, dawdled awkwardly, sometimes fallen and bled.. but you have walked afar into the unseemingly fog laden life. Right now when it should have been the happiest time of your life, all you have are worries. Why worry? Don't ask. Just let go. Leap of faith. Let go of that one very basic tenet that holds you and in some places binds you. Just let go. Letting go is the tough part. Getting into things is a journey, exciting, intriguing, togetherness, getting out of it is lonely and tiresome. Sometimes we wish it had end, before it really ends.

The burden of luck. We try it sometimes, not enough, sometimes more than that. Sometimes it makes sense to bother luck a bit, because if a little pretension and prework can make it through, help luck help you on your way. I ask why do we need it, I honestly do not know. Just because I can't explain the extra thing that comes out or does not, I have to blame or credit something on it.

Relationships. I think we make a lot out of relationships. There are people who believe in first time chemistry, the sparks and the blast.I don't. It is a maturing process. Women think they need to see the twinkle in the eye, they are wrong. Women think it's about fidelity, yes, but not for so much as being a slave. Can one control the mind? Thinking is also infidelity and infidelity lets us go. It frees us and sometimes it binds us, by guilt, by honor, by love, by honesty.

Rules. I have seen them living by rules and dying by them. Principles they called it, I did too, till I realized from a fundamental perspective that they mean nothing other than the way we will to live or die. We have death wishes too. I remember this Frost poem, and being asked, about his death wish and getting away with saying, I dunno about his, but I can tell you about mine. Several lifetimes in one, I had say. Boundless and Unlimited. Rules limit us, principles bind us, but they give us stability and they give us something more...predictability.

Reciprocation. Thats an altogether different cup of tea. One never gets what they really deserve. That is one fact which will be accepted by all. But have we ever asked, what we deserve. It is infact, the reciprocation that makes us, bound not in chains but emotions. You reciprocate and you have a friend, you reciprocate and you have a lover, you reciprocate and you live lifetimes in a moment. It will take lifetimes to explain what I am trying to say.

The easier way is to live it with no fears, with one less rule till you acclimatise and then one lesser.

If it were not for people like me,
poets would sleep hungry and poems unsung.

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