We were opposites. Our personalities – poles apart. Don’t tell me everyone is different. We were as different as different could be. Still, we befriended each other very quickly. And within a month, we became confidantes. An attraction developed. I’m not sure if it came from within or it was just natural. Nevertheless, the attraction prevailed and soon we talked. And, we proceeded to fall head over heels in love or was it pretension?
The image that I projected was not untrue. The truth was simply edited. I didn’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. Wasn’t it the politically correct thing to do?
I always talked about the good times.
What I never talked about were the painful times. I didn’t discuss it with my friends and kept it inside me.
I always given her credit for being supportive.
What I never talked about were the times that she was extremely judgemental. I always justified it and tried to change myself.
I always talked about how she understood me.
What I never talked about was how I explained myself to her repeatedly. I explained every thought, every action and every harmless whim of mine until she showed an iota of understanding.
I always talked about how good a person she was.
What I never talked about was how she indicated that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t blame her. We were just brought up in different ways with different expectations.
When we went through rough times, I just told myself - “Of course we’ll work it out. After all – it’s US!”
We didn’t talk about our expectations from each other. We didn’t discuss our insecurities. And we always behaved politically correct – even with each other. That’s how we worked it out. I guess it was too early to discuss our expectations. I guess I always hoped the insecurities to fade away. As for being politically correct – I always thought that was the “right” thing to do.
"No relationship is perfect", I always told myself. "There's always a great deal of compromise."
I wasn’t strong enough to face the cold, hard facts. I couldn’t face being alone. I had grown accustomed to her. I was afraid that the ‘break-up’ would mean that I’d also lose the friend I had found in her. Even though all the odds were against us, I stuck on.
It wasn’t the distance that made us grow apart. That’s an easy excuse. We grew apart because we were different.
There were times that we just had to speak our minds shamelessly. At times I just needed to vent and wished that someone would “get me” without my paraphrasing every detail. The emails started growing shorter and slowly waned. At times I edited ‘cuz I was afraid she’d judge me. At times, I felt she wouldn’t care for the things I’d write so passionately about.
I justified and euphemized. It was just a phase. We were going to be together again very soon. We’d work out all our differences then.
I always talked about how we attracted as opposites. What I never talked about was how her respect for my differences started to dwindle.
But, when it was time to make concrete decisions, everything exploded. All the years of holding back finally ruptured. Expectations and assumptions were voiced. The blame – passed back and forth. We talked around in circles. I remember it as the single most agonizing and depressing time of my life. We decided that it couldn’t go on anymore.
It had been plain foolish to assume that we’d overcome every obstacle.
“Didn’t you think of these issues before?” I asked. There were times we did. But, neither of us could get ourselves to say the words.
I wish I had – I’d have saved myself a lot of pain. But, in a way I’m also glad I didn’t – I’d have missed out on a lot of happy times.
When that relationship was officially over – I felt sad and lost. My heart wrenched in pain. But, I finally felt like I could be myself again. I felt a sense of freedom, a sense of relief. I know it doesn’t sound very polite. But, I have found the strength to not be politically correct about it anymore.
Its okay not to be politically correct...
The image that I projected was not untrue. The truth was simply edited. I didn’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. Wasn’t it the politically correct thing to do?
I always talked about the good times.
What I never talked about were the painful times. I didn’t discuss it with my friends and kept it inside me.
I always given her credit for being supportive.
What I never talked about were the times that she was extremely judgemental. I always justified it and tried to change myself.
I always talked about how she understood me.
What I never talked about was how I explained myself to her repeatedly. I explained every thought, every action and every harmless whim of mine until she showed an iota of understanding.
I always talked about how good a person she was.
What I never talked about was how she indicated that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t blame her. We were just brought up in different ways with different expectations.
When we went through rough times, I just told myself - “Of course we’ll work it out. After all – it’s US!”
We didn’t talk about our expectations from each other. We didn’t discuss our insecurities. And we always behaved politically correct – even with each other. That’s how we worked it out. I guess it was too early to discuss our expectations. I guess I always hoped the insecurities to fade away. As for being politically correct – I always thought that was the “right” thing to do.
"No relationship is perfect", I always told myself. "There's always a great deal of compromise."
I wasn’t strong enough to face the cold, hard facts. I couldn’t face being alone. I had grown accustomed to her. I was afraid that the ‘break-up’ would mean that I’d also lose the friend I had found in her. Even though all the odds were against us, I stuck on.
It wasn’t the distance that made us grow apart. That’s an easy excuse. We grew apart because we were different.
There were times that we just had to speak our minds shamelessly. At times I just needed to vent and wished that someone would “get me” without my paraphrasing every detail. The emails started growing shorter and slowly waned. At times I edited ‘cuz I was afraid she’d judge me. At times, I felt she wouldn’t care for the things I’d write so passionately about.
I justified and euphemized. It was just a phase. We were going to be together again very soon. We’d work out all our differences then.
I always talked about how we attracted as opposites. What I never talked about was how her respect for my differences started to dwindle.
But, when it was time to make concrete decisions, everything exploded. All the years of holding back finally ruptured. Expectations and assumptions were voiced. The blame – passed back and forth. We talked around in circles. I remember it as the single most agonizing and depressing time of my life. We decided that it couldn’t go on anymore.
It had been plain foolish to assume that we’d overcome every obstacle.
“Didn’t you think of these issues before?” I asked. There were times we did. But, neither of us could get ourselves to say the words.
I wish I had – I’d have saved myself a lot of pain. But, in a way I’m also glad I didn’t – I’d have missed out on a lot of happy times.
When that relationship was officially over – I felt sad and lost. My heart wrenched in pain. But, I finally felt like I could be myself again. I felt a sense of freedom, a sense of relief. I know it doesn’t sound very polite. But, I have found the strength to not be politically correct about it anymore.
Its okay not to be politically correct...
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