Skip to main content

Stupidity reigns...

A moment wasted never comes back... sometimes it haunts you forever...

I ask why... why should I be doing what I decided not to... infact life goes on forever asking more from you...
I am missing mayank as my study partner.. I have no one to study with...
I am missing the questioning gaze.. my face writh with regret...
I am missing a brother... I am missing the joy of continuous study...
I am missing the continuity of ideas... and their rejection by sound logic...
I am missing a lot of things I like... most of all.. the sounding board that he used to be... and the contempt with which he treated my ideas... and his sparse praise...I miss that as well.. he kept me on the path I wanted to tread.. never letting me move away...
I need to find someone who can keep me on my toes.. I need more than a brother.. a friend.. someone I can respect, fear, admire and love...

A sunday wasted... Sometimes Sahi comes close but then sometimes he does not.. he has life other than this.. and He is right in that...
Rest are not the kind I had like...
Send me someone... for I want to tread the path which is difficult and wrought with difficulties... I had like to... I am asking for it...

The carbon credits paper submitted with little to ask from the third author... a disappointment... indeed...
The commodities paper needs some inspiration... mebbe Rudra will provide the spark...
The capital structure needs infusion of something better...
The ppts on Investment Banking are coming out right... but they need more of me...
The studies are rotten... I am not able to keep focus...
Maybe I need to change my schedule... I need to work days now...
I need to set some golden rules... I need some rules in life...

Anywayz life goes on... and I am missing too many people...
Nana.. I will come to see you... I promise and I promise not to cry...
I have broken too many promises... But I still continue to live on...
Mebbe I should live on...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Raizada Heritage Fund and Trip to Woodlands

I have a confession to make. We don’t have a sofa at home. We seriously don’t.. Over the last two years, whenever Vartika has broached the touchy topic of a Sofa buy, I have ended up doing rants on how the money saved on not buying a Sofa would be able to feed us for a month, in case startup went bust. (And no, I was not counting on dumb UPA government allowing Sharad Pawar to make billions running amok on the vegetable and cereals market and looting us. In that case, count that sum to last for mere 15 days. That rant is for a separate day) Imagine a 30-40k sofa and me eating it, like the borers mostly do. Tough to imagine and sad to think of. So I return to the sofa tales. Vartika knew I had make her do with those mattresses. You know how dumb I am, relentlessly pointless. Unfortunately I ran into an Ariean, and that too my Mom. She looked at me and the mattresses and then again at me, and I went ballistic. From the sensibility of an accountant, to the eruditeness of an economist (De...

Time for Retrospection

Withered away, the burning heat of the day Evening silently soaked the heat within Wearing the diamonds came the night O’ Soul why are you silent, smile!! Three things have affected me lately. Hope, fear and death. Silently they walked past me in the night and left me awake. Gasping for breath, a parched throat and burning eyes. These days have been gloomy because days are heavy with tension. Work and nothing else. I need to relax and let the natural “me” take over. But it does not happen. Rather I cannot let that happen. Reading a lot these days has been a need. A need because I need to exist in an unreal world where I can be what I want to be. It would be difficult to be that in the real world. I even pretend to dream these days. Pretense has become my entire life. Every moment of my life is “pretending” to be me. I am doing it for the fact that people might not recognize the “real” me if I were to show them who I am. Living a life where everything is drive...

Ah'men!!

Last weekend, I was thinking about how people tend to post more about negative experiences in their lives than about positive ones. Today is no exception. I feel kind of bad about having such a negative attitude, but writing about things makes me feel better and refreshed too. The first time was after Puchee told me that I have a super ego and that I have an inferiority complex. Personally, I don't think I have a super ego or a complex, but every time I hear him them say that, I feel as if there's something wrong with me; as if a part of me is somehow wrong. Those feelings of not being normal have been accumulating, and today they seem just too much to ignore. I finally asked him why he thought I had a super ego and an inferiority complex. He said that I seem to get really defensive when we talk about people, people we know and discuss them. I t is that I always tend to blast them away and their accomplishments. He was specific to the way I talk about women in general. H...