Skip to main content

Two years and a day

I have often believed that life is about moments.
Moments that have defined us, our way of life, our life... in totality.
Sometimes I even have this defining sense of the absurdity that pervades my world.

Two years and a day to this day... I changed. It was like the changing of a course by a river. It was akin to tectonic shifting of the plates beneath.

The day she just went away. I still remember it crystal. I remember it like no other thing in my life. The pain that engulfed me, dulled my senses, lowered me into a state of constant irritation, pain and anger. I was pulled into the abyss of irrationality. I promised myself and repromised, but to no avail.

She was to me, a lot more than I gave her credit for, and certainly far far more than what she thought. In a certain sense, she was more to me than me myself. Somehow I think I had never been able to express that. I still can't. I take people who I take to, I consider them mine, thus regardless of them needing emotional support, I just take them for granted. I just let them be there for me. I become selfish and selfless at the same time. Maybe this is just an excuse, maybe I am lying but that is what I feel.

In a life where I thought I would not encounter much pain, for the simple reason that I have logic on my side, I have suffered. This was inevitable in retrospect. Taking people for granted is definitely not the way to do it.

Have to end it here... cannot take it anymore...
Laterz

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Raizada Heritage Fund and Trip to Woodlands

I have a confession to make. We don’t have a sofa at home. We seriously don’t.. Over the last two years, whenever Vartika has broached the touchy topic of a Sofa buy, I have ended up doing rants on how the money saved on not buying a Sofa would be able to feed us for a month, in case startup went bust. (And no, I was not counting on dumb UPA government allowing Sharad Pawar to make billions running amok on the vegetable and cereals market and looting us. In that case, count that sum to last for mere 15 days. That rant is for a separate day) Imagine a 30-40k sofa and me eating it, like the borers mostly do. Tough to imagine and sad to think of. So I return to the sofa tales. Vartika knew I had make her do with those mattresses. You know how dumb I am, relentlessly pointless. Unfortunately I ran into an Ariean, and that too my Mom. She looked at me and the mattresses and then again at me, and I went ballistic. From the sensibility of an accountant, to the eruditeness of an economist (De
Post a Comment
Read more

Can life teach?

It actually began, quite reluctantly. Unnecessary as it may seem, life teaches you what you allow it to teach. Even Life cannot teach you what it offers you. One has to let himself dissolve into the experience and let it sink in, and that I might call religion or education. Whatever the other person is willing to accept. Nay. Does it matter? Nay. Life is about teaching oneself. Being a self-thought-taught "person", picking up bits and pieces from various experiences, I tread on a path; I have myself laid out for myself. Never have I asked, in other words, begged for words, from "messiahs". Never did I think myself of having enough virtue, call it patience, to learn from others. So "rich" were my experiences. Things change, dynamically. Responding to an open question, throwing caution to the winds, I immersed myself into a debate, with people who thought, had streamlined their thinking apparatus and abilities. Gradually, they pestered; read "lee
3 comments
Read more

The void...

I feel empty. I feel raw. I feel rotten. I feel like not feeling. I have nothing to show, if someone to ask me about what I have achieved in my stay on this planet. Nothing. what is a few flirtations with literature, knowledge, pain and sweat. No blood. No tears. No medallions. No gallantry. Ah! I am disgusted with myself for being so ordinary. I deserve the void for I do not work half as hard as I could. I am wasting my life.
3 comments
Read more