Teens to Toons

Last couple of months have been incredibly tough. Not in terms of work, effort or anything similar. They have been tough for there has been no diversion. Not a move to move away. All my life has been characterized by bypassing the tough things when they got tougher. I had always been able to justify it with an excuse, a new vagrancy, a “valid” desire for solitude, for seeing things... innumerable things that can somehow instil in you a curiosity. And I had move in such a way for avoiding things when they got tougher. I have been very critical of myself, all this while... while the desires and efforts burned away the edges off me, thus rounding the square peg that I was. The inevitability of life, I would have called it. But now I think I have gotten round to a point where I know. That is an achievement. I know that I belong, that I have tried, that I have succeeded. The dilettante is gone. Here comes the scrapper who won’t give an inch, who won’t budge, who won’t blink. Something like

Aaj bahut akela lag rahaa thaa.. pataa nahin kyun... aaj lagaa ki darr hai ... zaroor hai.. aur rahega... kabhi woh tum pe haawi to kabhi tum uspe lekin zindagi rahegi... aur ... kya rahey zinda? Jo tahastha hain samay karega unke gunaah taye... Bas keh diyaa jo kehna thaa.. thoda sa

am sitting here and its 11 in the night ... Well I have been sitting here since 8 in the morning. And I wonder what plays. An old Don Maclean Song. American Pie. I mean that was supposed to be 10 years back. I was listening to them in first year at IITK. Its a comedy, tragedy, rollercoaster, rollicking.. all those adjectives that you use for things which you can't even remember ... but in the past they look magnificent. They look like they should come back and when you really really remember hard, it just sounds that important. I mean, why is it so important. why will it ever be important. It won't even be a footnote in any book. So much for histrionics. When I was sixteen, I had drawn a plan. A complete plan. Some sort of Dummies Guide to Life and all things thereof. Now I know it was an incredible thing for me to do. Because everyone at that age does make a plan. But these is plenty that had not even accounted for, the grimy details, the listless days, the unanswered questi

Just talked to my boss and told him of my decision. Feeling afraid anf fearful and butterflies in stomach. Let it be known he was shitting in his pants at this point.

Worried - No Tired - Yes Angry - Yes I have the meeting I have waiting for so long. Yesterday evening I started feeling heavy and throat started to croak. I told my wife and she was very very understanding. Giving me all the support and cheer that you need on these occasions. The Janmasthami preparations she carried out with aplomb. Today morning I woke up with tremendous bodyache and pretty bad throat. So I called my boss and told him that I was down. I will go to hospital to get myself checked. Allah jaane, Raam jaane... kya hogaa... but I am supposed to live till 81. So lets see.

A tough day. Lots of money made. Tired and dead. Walking back on Churchgate in my own thoughts. A person rushes past me and hits me on the shoulder. I just try holding my own and he loses his footing and ends up sprawled all over. I pick his case up and walk to him "Kyaa karte ho bhaiya?". Neither angry nor mad. Just worried. The person gets up, gritting his teeth. "Bhaiyaa mat kehna saale". In a second, I lose my cool. "To kyaa behena kahoon" "Bas bhaiya mat kehna". A very normal person he was. Dressed well. I had nothing but absolute anger in me, boiling all over me. What the fuck does he take me for? I had all thoe thoughts of being seriously mad at him, them, those types. I cooled myself and walked away. Not even looking behind. Not a show of weakness, but absolute indifference. Something that I had felt in Switzerland and Germany. Something that I had felt in Kolkata. Something I had felt in Bangalore. Also in Pune. Also in almost all place

I have been delaying the inevitable spurt of words, on the simple pretext that I ought to concentrate on work. Work has given me a glimmer of hope. Things have taken a turn for the better. However, there have been intermissions in this. New ideas. They have come in and stolen precious hours of work. As it is, thinking time has reduced. ideas like Plagiarism on Internet, Public PE, Subscription have and should have been given much more importance. Other than that, me and vartika went on the much delayed honeymoon. A four day trip to Kerala. No work, no thinking, no routine, four days of complete abandon and sharing was what had been lacking in a great way. I had suggest no one should delay their honeymoon. Never should they do this. They owe it to themselves and each other. So close to nature and such beauty, I had forgotten in the dung caked mumbai. Looks like if algo trading doesnot pick up, then I will have to move and do something that I find more meaning in. Lately I have been worr

We have spent quite a lot of time on working out ... things.. things that would make us reach our dreams. It has meant a lot to us, the band has changed. Such has beent he coming and going of people. Even I have thought of quitting a number of times. But this is fine. If not plagued by self-doubt, how can a man create something? So it will b fine . In the end, I will walk with a head held high? What has happened to the blog. I have tremendous number of ideas. Bu it has become very difficult to let them be written down on the sheet or the screen. Mebbe I should now start writing a bit more. Ruk jaa zaraa

Dreams Dreams- the pristine clouds; Unbridled, uncurbed, untamed in sky Are nothing but concoctions, that precipitate into a flurry…… Dreams- those imprecated birds, that left their nests, to know not where And were harped by death, in their journey of quest….. Dreams- the unfinished painting, with crooked lines and myriad hues But lost the muse, before the painter got his due…. Dreams- the beautiful rainbow; appealing, fascinating and invigorating you But was washed off the form, before its mysteries I could unsew…. Dreams- the sublime consciousness, vignetting our thoughts Waking us in the nights, but in daylight are like battles lost Dreams- the carved glass form, splitting the morning rays That lost its panache when sharded into million frays Dreams are those stars that I tried hard to reach… Dreams are those songs that I could never beseech… Dreams are the dews that melted in my hand… Dreams are the plants that failed to grow in sand…. Dreams were ripples that died without a stir

When you enter a phase where you examine your life and reevaluate your goals, there can be a number of outcomes. You can decide that you've been a failure, and that it's no use trying any longer. You can decide that you haven't done as well as you wished, and try harder. You can decide that things haven't gone like you wanted them to, and alter your goals, to see if new ones might be reachable. You can decide that it's someone else's fault that you aren't where you wanted to be. You can celebrate your successes, and ignore your failures. There are many other possible outcomes, but you get the idea. It's complicated.It is the complicated nature of human beings, though, that makes them so interesting. Any given wild animal can be watched, and very little happens that will surprise the experienced observer. But no matter how long you study humans, you never quite know what to expect.

Thats what everybody's response is. Where did you go on your honeymoon. Sorry. We have not gone yet. What? And there it all begins. I am so slow and sick. I can't even move my butt. Let alone scratch it. I hope i can be better and do something worthwhile. While we have spent the first month at home only, I hope we can do the honeymoon int he first year. Work has taken its toll. Lots and lots of catching up to do. Lots and lots. I hope I can make it upto expectations.

दो शब्द थे, एक साथ नहीं मिलते मिले तो अर्थ खो गया, अर्थ मिला तो मर्म खो गया, मर्म भी मिला जब, तो बस मेरा खुदा नहीं रहा

I sit here with a very bad taste in my mouth. All of a sudden. I sit here hating the very life, I had scorned. I sit here with violent thoughts and violent words screaming in my mind. I sit here smarting, smartin from wounds that have been self-inflcited. I sit here very confused, utterly confused. What is it that I started out for, where am I, Am I still going towards where i started out for and Do I still want it? I have been having these terrible mood swings. I am all laughter one second and another I am tearing my hair out. I don't know. I seriously don't. It is a sea change from just months ago. Just months ago I was pouring myself into work. I had the direction, the will, the courage. And now I sit here wondering if I am fat or not. I hate this myself, I seriously hate myself right now. I seriously am disappointed professionally. Its my lament. My God, if you exist, give me a battle worth fighting for. Give it to me now, or take all that you have given me. No questions as

I woke up at 5 I think. I lay thinking. Thinking hard. It was kind of hysteria. I got up. Looked at "things to do" list, I always prepare, never follow. A weekend wasted, viral again, the same symptoms that allow me creativity did not this time. Was too afraid, fearful. So there I sat. I walked and paced thinking furiously. I needed that. Inevitable things come and they come inevitably. I mean, one always knew but never anticipated in such minute magnificent way. It could have been playing ghar-ghar. I was always the kind to soak up a lot of everything. I was the kind who had stay alone, making my own notes, and once in a while, sit down and revisit the entire collection of nostalgia. My plans which are unborn, still-born. My longings, untouched, unkempt. Then I decided to get all my papers in order. Everything was mish-mash. There was an entire history of my life for two years. The ideas, the desires, the hysteria was all pervading. And then I came across a notes print out.

आज बुझ सी गयी है दिल की जलन मुझको नहीं है अब पता ज़िंदा हूँ क्या बस बहुत ही बद-मज़ा हो रखा था आपने छु कर अपना कहा, अच्छा लगा

दर्द हद्द से बढ़ जाए तो दुआ हो जाए प्यार गर इतना बढे तो खुदा हो जाए अब तो सपनों में ही लगी है आस कि रहमदिल हो, दो बूँद से बुझाओगी प्यास

मेरे खुदा इतना रहम तो कर यह नज़र थोडी नरम तो कर नहीं बनाता अपना तो ना सही मर जाऊं यहीं इतनी ख़बर तो कर

Saving it so that I can read it once in a while to feel better about myself. By Anurag Joshi MUMBAI, Aug 21 (Reuters) - India's Axis Bank <> is in talks with foreign banks to sell structured bonds worth $50-100 million, with the coupon spread likely to be linked to three- or six-month Libor (London Interbank Offered Rate), a bank official said on Thursday. The proceeds from the bonds, which would have a maturity between one and three years, will be used to fund the bank's foreign operations, the official, speaking on condition of anonymity, told Reuters. "We are considering proposals from overseas banks to sell this product. The coupon spread offered to investors would be increased by 10 to 20 basis points each quarter," the official said. "Liquidity in the global markets is tough and that's why there is a significant mark-up towards the risk premium." The transaction could be done with two or three overseas banks, the official said, adding the bon

प्याजी सी साडी में लिपटी हुई वोह, खडी थी कहने को बहुत कुछ आतुर, परतों पे परतें, जैसे तहें हों, प्याज की भाँती, आंखों में आंसू कुछ, एक शांत सी नींद और होठों पे मुस्कराहट परतों के नीचे का रहस्य मिला जब उनसे नहीं कोई गिला हमें अब जब अपने ही खो गए अर्थ कहीं सब