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Me and me.. endlessly...

I ran the complete 3.2 kms of IIM Lucknow circular road in 18 minutes flat. No stoppages, no pausing to breathe.
I had been trying to do that for past 3 days. Now with Lawn tennis at 3 am and then a jog at 5 am, I am spending at least 1.5 hours in action daily. I hardly meet anyone these days. I have been reading lately. I have been paying attention in classes.

But the story of today's jog, makes me insomniac. I am worried about myself.

When I started to run and tire... I told myself that every step I take will mint money for me. And no wonder I ran the complete thing. Am I am maniac or a pervert... Am I me anymore?

I have been wondering all summer ... about how I got so fascinated with money.
I guess it starts in Calcutta where I studied in a predominantly marwari school where all the kids were filthy rich and there was I with barely anything.

Then came IITK where money did not matter. Power did. And then I did take up a job and she happened and I had to let her go. Just because she was rich and I was unsure as to whether I would be able to keep her in same comfort.

And then for money, I changed jobs. I came here... I made a mess of a relationship with dev because I want to make money... to prove a point to whom I don't know...
It is probably a blind cold race, in which the only thing I know is to keep running.
And I am running it.

The magic word.. thus remains.. "Money"...
and I wonder whatever happened to knowledge, power, honesty, love, feelings, wisdom...
I am a sinner... but let me sin enough..
the only thing that gives me some comfort is the Herman Hesse's Siddhartha.. in which the person is allowed to choose a lavish lifestyle so that he can get over all the vices...
I guess this is my way...

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