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You just stood there

Hi xxxxxx,
Honestly i dont know what I did wrong to you...you have to be one psycho to be a back-stabber....i don't trust you anymore, but one thing i trust is that life is not that unfair..i m sure if you keep on hurting ppl who ever trust you, you are going to live a horrible life, one w/o friends. i dont know what kind of a perverse pleasure you get by all this, by hurting people, invading their lives and telling them and yourself you are not a bad person. i really wish to God your conscience, if it exists somewhere, kills you someday.
anyhow, dont mail me back. even if you do, it'll go to my trash.
xxxxxx
************
The first thought that came to me was "what did I do?".
Second thought was " Do I defend myself this time?".
Third thought was "Is this worth it?".
Then I went numb. Then I laughed. And I went back to my problems with rsh.
***********
"So can you let any one call you anything that they want to."
"I guess I will let them."
"So that means you are a backstabber."
"I don't know what you mean."
"I mean you have repeatedly backstabbed yourself."
"I did not mean to."
"But that is exactly what you did. You gave people your time, your attention, everything as a nice person you should have and they called you names to your face, they spit on you, they did anything they wanted to and you stood there with a smirk on your face. You just stood there as if guilty."
"I did not understand what I was being targeted for. I think it was their anger at someone that came out against me with all the fire and color."
"You just stood there."
"I had to. I mean I had no recourse."
"You just stood there."
"People said things about me which never happened."
"You just stood there."
"what could I have done? The same thing that they did to me?"
"You just stood there."
"I never believed in meeting fire with fire."
"You just stood there."
"I believed that they will understand that I was innocent."
"You just stood there."
"I thought of all things that mattered to me and I visualized them and I remained calm."
"You just stood there."
"I did not."
"You just stood there."
"I did. So what?"
"You just stood there."
"Okay."
"You just stood there."
"I will as I did before."
"You just stood there."
"I will not say anything this time."
"You just stood there."
"Tell me what do you want."
"Promise"
"Yes"
"They don't exist. Make them sorry for what they are doing to you. They accuse you of things that you have not done. Do them. Do them. Do them. Make them feel the heat. Make them so tired of running that they just accept that you are a part of them. Make them sorry for blaming you and condemning you."
"....."
"what?"
"Where will this stop?"
"Who cares?"
"I do."
"And they will say that you just stood there, guilty"
"Let them."
"You are a human."
"I believe so too. I can take all this and much much more."
***************
I have been wrongly accused this time. I shout out loud. I did nothing.
***************

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