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Tired of living ghosts

I talked to one of my aunts and she went into a monologue about how good she is and why I did what i did.
Gawd. For the love of my life, I listened like ice, like snow. All frozen. I wanted to not hear the words. I wanted not to do the "umms ahhs" that have to be spoken at regular intervals. She harped on why I did not think her good enough (she compared me and her... what a comparison... it's like Quasimodo and Esmeralda). I think when my other aunt cornered me in sister's marriage about why I said nothing when "she" got married, the silence, the unspoken words, the unspoken tears, my defiance to my own will... She got a whiff of what happened. It must have been heroic. My stoic defiance of all my desires. I felt stupid then and I feel stupid now.And now I read the lines below. Could it have been worse. Reminded of your worst mistake and made to live through it for a lifetime.

Main lafzon se kucch bhi izhaar nahi karta,
Iska matlab ye nahin ki main tujhe pyaar nahin karta,
Chahta hoon main tujhe aaj bhi par,
Teri soch mein apna waqt bekaar nahin karta
Tamaasha na ban jaye kahin mohabbat meri
Isliye apne dard ko aashkaar nahin karta
Jo kuch mila hai, usi mein khush hoon main,
Tere liye khudha se taqraar nahin karta,
Par kuch to baat hai teri fitrat mein Zaalim
Warna tujhe chahne ki khata baar baar nahin karta!!

Comments

borntodre@m said…
its very touchy peom ...who wrote it ?
2:06 PM
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