Teens to Toons

Life is too short - Scorpions Have you ever seen the morning? When the sun comes up the shore And the silence teach the beauty for the sound Have you ever sat there waiting? For the time to stand still For all the worlds and stars From turning around And you run ’cause life is too short Tomorrow I will watch the morning sun shine and I will rise to be resurrected (metaphorically)... People mail me and say they don't want to talk to me... ahh... I am tired of what people want... I am tired of all those desires and wants.. why can't it be simple... I desire to be simpler... another desire.... I should keep lesser expectations from self and yet I expect this. I am a contradiction and I am trying to resolve.. In words, I am fighting it out and not taking anything lying down... Himmat-e-marda madad-e-khudaa

another year gone waste... man, do u realise that... Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time. Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desperation is this techie's way The time is gone, the song is over, Thought I'd something more to say. ( borrowed from mr.waters )

If I ever wanted to be a poet, these are the lines I wanted to write. If I ever wanted to be a singer, I would have wanted to sing like this. If I ever wanted to be a musician, I would want this effect in my music. If I ever wanted to be a cinematographer, I would have wanted this feel. If I ever wanted to be a lover, I would want this intensity. The Favorite Song Posted by Hello

A night... cold and clear... makes my mind work and from all the haze I could see the beauty of cold logic that I could crystallize. Of all the things in the world, I wanted someone to answer my doubts on my abilities and wants and needs and desires. whoa! when I let her go, why do I want her back. why do I want her to be there for me. why do I expect. and lots of similar stuff which does not sound normal and reasonable, but these ail me, constantly nagging me, as i push my tail between my legs and my head into the hole like the ostrich. For once, I was tired again. So what did I crystallize that made me so clear of what I need to think when I think this and that. that is the best part. I was seeing this third rate C grade english flick, which had nothing I would call watchable and there was this dialogue on "what does one say to people who have answers to everything". I saw this guy tell the other.. you have bullshit answers to all the questions other put to you but I as...

Another twist to the tale... Another gimmick offered by life... Now it's a battle for three months, ramping up things that have been left dangling... Clearly life asks for more than what I have to offer. Have been impressed by Malcolm Gladwell and his articles in the New Yorker. That is what journalism is all about. That is how I should have been. It is not a comment on Have's and Have Not's. It is a question of will and I have to get the will back. Zindagi yun huee basar tanha, Qaafila saath aur safar tanha, Apne saaye se chaunk jaate hain, Umr guzari is kadar tanha. Raat bhar bolte hain sannaate, Raat kaati koi kidhar tanha, Din guzartaa nahin logon mein, Raat hoti nahin basar tanha. I have to get back to the faster lane and I will do it, come what may. I realize that I need to gear up and get all that I deserve to. A toast to things that are to come.

"Sometimes ... when you stand face to face with someone, you cannot see their faces." That is what happened to me, when I saw myself in the mirror. It was totally steaming in the bathroom and I was expecting to see my face with a smile because I had made an effort with my facial muscles and gotten them in a grinning position. And I got to see nothing because it was all steamed and then I wrote your name on it with my finger and all I could see were two eyes and the greyed hollowed eyes... tired eyes... sore eyes... eyes with anguish. I could not lie to myself and that was the truth. It has been a bad time ever since you moved on, leaving me no hope and no chance. But I think you did well... I slept through the weekend and life seems a beautiful thing today. The IBM machines are not a delight to work on. They make too much noise and I hate their displays. but their configs are good. I would have loved them more, had you been here. I was talking to a colleague of mine and he ...

As I cough and make others look at me, I feel mad at myself from having gotten up from the bed. It has been one of those wonderful moments in my life when I could think and do as I please. As I got delirious and in my delirium, did what I did not even in my dreams, I called out to you, I touched you and I made you mine, over and over, time and again. That was what I should have been doing. Itane mas-ruf the ham jaane kii taiyaarii mein khade the tum aur tumhein dekhne kaa waqt na thaa. Two days of intense fever and quite a few vomits, I am cleansed (hopefully) of whatever I owe you. I took it in the right manner and I took it in the right spirit. who better than Hemingway and Gunther Grass to keep me company. Now that you have gone, never to come back again, Do not come back. ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhaane ke liye aa aa phir se mujhe chhod ke jaane ke liye aa pahale se maraasim na sahi phir bhi kabhi to rasm-o-rahe duniyaa hi niibhaane ke liye aa kis kis ko bataaye...

I was thinking of putting up my new piece... It was one of those things which would have given an idea of how radically different I could think... but it was not to be. An old acquaintance.. a friend back from the dead... A person who never mailed me first... it was always me who was expected to take the initiative... No. I am being harsh. She must have talked to me on her own on several occasions. Infact, it was 8th Jan 2002 when someone contacted me at 5:30 in the morning, waking me from the trance I was in, reading some stupid computer thing. The "netsend" asked for something called Aspen. I was hardly the person anyone would ever have asked for such a thing. With no deception, the messages told me the truth and I was surprised. Things happened and they were good, for I was in a transition then. Things came to a jam for no fault of mine and I did not even bother patching up. I thought that would show me as vulnerable. I was a kid then and am a kid now. I learn and learn...

I state this and I stand by these words of mine. Anything, nothing can change this... I will live a life as I choose to... I might regret my choices and I might hate myself for them, but that is how I choose to be and that is how it is going to be... yeh naa thii hamaari kismet ki visaal-e-yaar hotaa, agar aur jeete rehte, yehi intezaar hotaa, kahoon kisse mey ki kyaa hai, shab-e-gham buree balaa hai, mujhe kyaa buraa thaa marnaa. agar ek baar hotaa There are times in one's life, when it is necessary to decide and I did. I am looking forward to things in future and I am hopeful...

Chaand ke saath kai dard puraane nikale... kitne gham they, jo tere gham ke bahaane nikale... Ab to rotaa bhi hoon to tasalli nahin hoti... Kitnaa ro doon ki tum yaad naa aao... Kitne saalon baad nikale hain yeh aansoo daaman bhigone... aur ab jab nikale hain to zaalim rukte hi nahin... You are the world to me... and as I say this.. I feel the torment which I always imagined as the greatest pain... Now I am too tired... I have aged in last five days and I feel tears welling up inside me... I have been a rock and now I am nothing... that is what you were to me... Somerset wrote once, "There is no cruelty greater than a woman's to a man who loved her and whom, she does not love anymore. She has no kindness then, no tolerance even. She has only an insane irritation." Can you not be cruel to me... You have treated me with more affection that I ever deserved... Please make me mad at you... Make me feel ill and make me feel bad... so that I can get over you... I...

I read this article some years back... Am analysing how close to this crisis am I... ---------------- BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. (Never been so) You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. (True.. Am feeling it all the time) You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. (Very True... Personally this matters). What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and that they aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are just as confused as you. (True) ...

Times have called for it. I'm finished with lots of things. It sounds like a line from a song, but this has been painful. The lesson learnt here isn't about letting go, but the process of letting go. I've gotten and given a lot of advice during the past few years, from counselors, friends, strangers, all telling me how to get beyond a bad situation. The problem was, getting into the bad situation was a shared experience, and getting out of it was a solo experience. It's interesting how you can care about someone, even after you see them at their absolute worst, and even after you realize, no matter how much you care about them, they don't care about themselves. I smile as I write this. I am thinking of me. I am ashamed of myself. justuju jiski thii usko to naa paaya hamne, is bahaane se magar, dekh lii duniya hamne, tujhko ruswaa naa kiyaa, khud bhi pashemaa naa huey, ishq ki rasm ko, is tarah nibhaaya hamne. It took me years to realize the pain i...

Ghazal in short, is a collection of Sher's which follow the rules of 'Matla', 'Maqta', 'Beher', 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif'. So to know what Ghazal is, it's necessary to know what these terms mean. To understand these terms easily , we will take an example. 1. koi ummid bar nahin aati koi surat nazar nahin aati 2. aage aati thi haale dil par hasi ab kisi baat par nahin aati 3. hum wahan hain, jahan se humko bhi kucch hamaari khabar nahin aati 4. kaabaa kis muh se jaaoge 'Ghalib' sharm tumko magar nahin aati What is a Sher ? It's a poem of two lines. This definition is deceptively simple. Please note that, every Sher is a poem in itself! A Sher does not need, anything around it, to convey the message. All the 4 stanzas in our example are independent poems, Sher's. So Ghazal is necessarily a collection o...

Sometimes when I feel people... I feel a deep sense of fear of rejection and futility. Sometimes, even I feel so. The basis of this feeling is that all mortals have a sense of urgency to achieve their goals and their dreams... If one day this turns out to be just a sham... at least I would be heart-broken. I do not feel that people are afraid of death.. Death is surely not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are. I think I try to be strong in a sense. Everytime I am afraid, I stop to look fear in the face. I gain strength, courage, and confidence by doing this. I believe that I must do the thing which I think I cannot do. This is a pretty "great" statement. Usually the things I do or plan to, have been done by others. So the solace is that another person has been able to do it, so why not me? And forget not what Anne Frank wrote... "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely...

What Women Want : To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the Indo-Pak cricket match. What Women Do : The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him. What Men Want : Some great sex and no responsibility. What Women Cannot : A Woman is not born: she is made. In the making, her humanity is destroyed. She becomes symbol of this, symbol of that: mother of the earth, slut of the universe; but she never becomes herself because it is forbidden for her to do so. What Men Cannot : Give birth to a child and Satsify a woman so completely that she can be happy. What Women Think : The real thinking of woman is pre-eminently practical and applied. It is something we describe as sound common sense, and is usually directed to what is close at hand and personal. In general, it can be said that feminine mentality manifests an und...

that I have mellowed down. that I have lost the essential thing that made me me. that I have changed. that I cannot be selfless. that I cannot lie and cheat. that I do not know how to say the things on my mind. that I know not how to exchange pleasantries. that I have given in to pleasures of life. that I have tried and failed not many times. that life still has a few lessons to teach me. that I need to cry my eyes out. that they are ashamed of me. that they sometimes hate me enough to love me. that I still need to sort my past out. that I need to speak my mind out to them. that I need to think more and make my decisions accordingly. that I can still be childlike and talk to them about my loves and lives. that I ought to write more and give up on this job. that I should learn to love myself unconditionally. that I should try to be more "normal". that I should spend more of my money. that I should learn to make more inspired moves towards the fairer sex.

There is some charm being alone. I am seeking it. I am trying to live with the person I am. I want to be able to bear myself. I am so tired of the way I am that I constantly make efforts to improve my attitude, but to no avail. A lone figure looks out into the moonlit night across the endless human habitations. The mind in a state of deep reflection as the chill bite of the winds caress his hair and ears in a cold steely embrace. His life has been one of anguish from the loss of all he held dear,and deep inside, he knows he, himself, was responsible for his misery. A mind shattered and alone. Existing in a limbo of the rogue's life, fueled by the fires of insanity raging within. When can he find time for himself to heal? Last night, he lay near death. Once again, his own arrogance caught up with him and demanded penance. He would soon face the fate of his own unless change happened. Now his rage tempered as he realized something, that every one is outraged and afraid as they...

I meet someone new.... I notice the face... I meet someone I know... I notice the face... I meet someone when I look in the mirror... I notice the face... Those lines... those scars... laughlines, dimples, eyes (reds, pinks, yellows, whites and advanced whites), lips, nose, brows, ears and so much more... The faces tell them all... Can faces lie? I got this mail... from an old friend... and yes, I could feel a change... the words after all determine a person... So I being rude like I am always... asked what has caused the change and who is the person responsible... and this prompted an amazingly acidic reply.... Quoting... Tumhaare khat mein nayaa ek salaam kiskaa thaa Naa thaa rakeeb to aakhir woh naam kiskaa thaa Rah'aa naa dil mein woh bedard, aur dard rahaa I went back home and noticed my face... after a long long time... I noticed how time is wearing me... I know that with an attitude like mine... I am going to suffer and it is going to be a long one... ...

(My first ever pilfered blog entry... Reason.. I had no better words for the same experience ) A woman calls, out of the blue. Asks a bunch of very personal questions… her reasoning? She has a daughter of “marriageable age”. How do you look? What kind of a person are you? How much do you earn? Are you religious? How long is your hair? How are you usually dressed? What do you do for killing time? Why do you cycle? How are your domestic skills? How close are you to your relatives? … It all sounds funny if I repeat it to friends. I will laugh, they will laugh and we would get back to work. But it would continue to prey on my mind. Somewhere down the lane, I have got used to being checked out in get togethers. I have got used to whispered gestures and speaking to strangers on the phone. I have got used to being polite to the rudest enquiries. Am I just another one in the market? Am I the same person I used to be? 23 and Single !!!! High earning snot-nosed SOB w...

That prayers don't guarantee miracles,but they still heal and keep me hopeful. That there is no shame in tears,but I would not want the world to see my vulnerabilities. That sometimes being alone helps me disentangle my own redundancies and intricacies,but I secretly wish there was a shoulder I could lean on. That every emotion does not need words for expression,I can feel someone's care through their eyes. That eyes speak volumes,I can estimate perfectly the truth not spoken. That children who grow up feeling need for love, once out of home, hurt themselves many times in the process. That a lesson will be repeated again,till I have learnt it well enough.

"Because... denial , anger , bargaining and depression are the first four stages of grief. Acceptance being the final one." Left or Right? I feel as if I always have a choice for my journey. Both will take me somewhere but it all depends how I feel at that moment. The "Right Path" is the normal, I am STRONG and INDEPENDENT so get lost I don't need you kinda pathway. I see many people, waiting for buses... buying food... screaming at their children...couples holding hands... life goes on. The path I prefer the "Left alone Path" when I just wanna be myself and reflect on what happened, happens, happening. Dilemmas I'm facing and how I plan to solve it and how I wish I can walk that pathway... throw myself onto the grass and refuse to budge... and play a drama queen. Desperation? In having to climb each peak by myself, maybe I just wanna pity myself. Ahh... that's called Self Pity. I'll get out of that very soon. Really. Give me some money an...

The three glorious days of first vacation since I joined here have come to an end (some more to come). Physical/mental assessment of yours truly: - can't eat - can't sleep - too unreal - experiencing abnormal levels of energy - chewing far too much gum as result of aforementioned energy - just crazy about my friends. Yesterday, was overwhelmed by just how much they make me, me. I jumped into a pool of freezing water for the Bath at that temple. And they all joined me with the loin cloth and that was cold and funny. when we came out of the water, it was like standing in naked, but what hindus would not for Gods, I went all religious ;). Goosebumps all over my body, red eyes, teeth rattling, body trembling, and words pouring out. My heart just about exploded right there. - friends, extended family members have helped greatly. Whenever I can, i reflect on how lucky i am to have this many people offering their help. it's the best I could dream of. working with people ...

"God is a concept by which we measure our pain." --John Lennon And if I don't have a god, does that mean I have no pain.. or that I have crossed the threshold of pain... I don't want to sound too sad... I am not... I am doing just fine... I have all things I need to survive and am striving for all those materialistic comforts... I just wish I never settle down till I want to write and I continue to live with my passions... Pain and me... we have a lot in common....

Faith is a process of leaping into the abyss not on the basis of any certainty about where we shall land, but rather on the belief that we shall land. - Carter Heyward Now I can't have that much faith... that's asking too much from me... I am not that good neither am I that innocent... They say " Faith is a firm belief in something for which there is no proof. Love may exist for me, but for someone who doesn't have love in their life, there's little I, or anyone else, can offer to assure them that it exists." The boundless beauty and inspiration in my life, which I've come to know as love, is worth every sacrifice; every dark path navigated; every heartache endured. For nothing else I've experienced nor dared dream can compare. I say to myself aloud in my solitude "Have faith". Faith? "what have I done" ... or rather "what I have done"? I have sacrificed a lot of what made me "me"... for what? I have sa...

In the last few months.. I have been on a sort of exploration for new forms of music.. Besides knocking into led zep, I think the most enriching experience has been coming across the album "Quadrophenia" by The Who.. Quadrophenia is one of those self-introspection kind of albums (i guess there are not many of them...). It has made me think a lot. There are days and weeks, when u end up spending most of your time in the office, analysing and writing reams of codes. U get drowned in your work and end up ignoring your own interests. Somehow, you get lost in this queer crowd of things created by you. Then one day, suddenly you wake up and say to yourself, "Man, where was I all these days". It's a situation when the real you and the present you become two different persons. It comes as a shock to you, when you see your life separating from the real you. Dont know how it goes for others, but I had to live this situation.. It was kinda pathetic.. Luckily, thats when...

It actually began, quite reluctantly. Unnecessary as it may seem, life teaches you what you allow it to teach. Even Life cannot teach you what it offers you. One has to let himself dissolve into the experience and let it sink in, and that I might call religion or education. Whatever the other person is willing to accept. Nay. Does it matter? Nay. Life is about teaching oneself. Being a self-thought-taught "person", picking up bits and pieces from various experiences, I tread on a path; I have myself laid out for myself. Never have I asked, in other words, begged for words, from "messiahs". Never did I think myself of having enough virtue, call it patience, to learn from others. So "rich" were my experiences. Things change, dynamically. Responding to an open question, throwing caution to the winds, I immersed myself into a debate, with people who thought, had streamlined their thinking apparatus and abilities. Gradually, they pestered; read "lee...

When the last tree has fallen, When the last drops of water are polluted, When the last bird ceases to sing, Will “they” realize that money cannot be eaten. Reading these somewhat crazy lines, I was joyous, at being finally able to have convinced myself, that this human race has faintest of hopes of living out the new century. I had been troubled for a pretty long time at, what seems to me, a race to extinction. I am an educated, liberal and informed individual. Having been educated at the best of the institutions, I developed a deep admiration for Mother Nature and her so “wily” ways. Listening to my Guru and his talks on “biomimetic” methods, I sensed a deep concern in him. Of late, all he talked of was “Green” Chemistry. I connect to people, people my age and people “not” my age, irrespective of who and what they are, thanks to my rootless upbringing. I used to be appalled at how short sighted “genuinely” gifted men can be. Talks of Dollar salaries, Ivy League scholarsh...

Last weekend, I was thinking about how people tend to post more about negative experiences in their lives than about positive ones. Today is no exception. I feel kind of bad about having such a negative attitude, but writing about things makes me feel better and refreshed too. The first time was after Puchee told me that I have a super ego and that I have an inferiority complex. Personally, I don't think I have a super ego or a complex, but every time I hear him them say that, I feel as if there's something wrong with me; as if a part of me is somehow wrong. Those feelings of not being normal have been accumulating, and today they seem just too much to ignore. I finally asked him why he thought I had a super ego and an inferiority complex. He said that I seem to get really defensive when we talk about people, people we know and discuss them. I t is that I always tend to blast them away and their accomplishments. He was specific to the way I talk about women in general. H...

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars, and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance." The night wind whirls in the sky and sings. I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. On nights like this, I held her in my arms. I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky. She loved me, sometimes I loved her. How could I not have loved her large, still eyes? I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her. To hear the immense night, more immense without her. And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass. What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her. The night is full of stars and she is not with me. That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away. My soul is lost without her. As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her. My heart searches for her and she is not with me....

Which OS are You?

Withered away, the burning heat of the day Evening silently soaked the heat within Wearing the diamonds came the night O’ Soul why are you silent, smile!! Three things have affected me lately. Hope, fear and death. Silently they walked past me in the night and left me awake. Gasping for breath, a parched throat and burning eyes. These days have been gloomy because days are heavy with tension. Work and nothing else. I need to relax and let the natural “me” take over. But it does not happen. Rather I cannot let that happen. Reading a lot these days has been a need. A need because I need to exist in an unreal world where I can be what I want to be. It would be difficult to be that in the real world. I even pretend to dream these days. Pretense has become my entire life. Every moment of my life is “pretending” to be me. I am doing it for the fact that people might not recognize the “real” me if I were to show them who I am. Living a life where everything is drive...

In times of concious desire for pain, a man seeks loneliness. Loneliness when desired by a human, and is self imposed, is solitude. This is probably the time, when one turns to god or to oneself, seeking answers in a process of self discovery. Ultimately, a person wants to know why is he desiring the pain. It is said of man, that he seldoms does anything, not for his own sake. Almost all our actions are based on seeling for results and have a hidden ulterior motive in the times to come. All our efforts are directed in a way to achieve a goal and in a sense, we become puppets to out whims and desires, thus causing ourselves to be motivated, influenced and manipulated for the result we seek. So is it pain, what I seek? Sometimes they say "follow the heart" and sometimes they say "follow the mind". I hardly know what am I following, but the desire in me, rightnow is to feel the nothingness and soak up all the pain, I can inflict upon myself. Nobody can d...

Naah. She ain't dead. Yet. Neither is she close to it.She is hale and hearty and in the bestest of times, as ever any. She is a charming take of beauty, brains and humor. A personality who brought laughters and joy and happiness. A hare in this world of tortoises, who shellshocked them out of their lethargy and made them dance (albeit slowly and left footed). She was something amazing. I promise to tell her tales and exploits to my grandchildren. I promise to remember her wisecracks and wisequacks and smile in my rather stiff lipped manner, leaving people wondering, as to what the reason for my bemusement is. I promise her to get her out of my system, as soon as possible and that is the reason why I scribble on. Ah, another promise, I hope I coul dnot keep. That's me. Fighting myself all the way. when I first met her, or should it be "when we first met". It was a dark, dank thursday afternoon and a timid me, was being interrogated by a belligerent few, snappy like R...

An IQ of 146 and a rating of complex intellectual. Intelligence Interval Cognitive Designation Below 75 Mild to profound learning difficulty 75 - 85 Below average 85 - 114 Average 115 - 124 Above average 125 - 134 Gifted 135 - 144 Highly gifted 145 - 164 Genius 165 - 179 High genius 180 - 200 Extraordinary genius I am somewhere up there... but does it really makes sense. I do not know. I would believe in my abilities and myself, rather than some tests.

I am tired of myself. I am tired of being myself for the past year. I have accepted things that I would never have. So why am I like this. I hate myself for allowing myself to degrade. From the best to "almost nothing". That's me. A year older. Ten kgs heavier. I am too fat and I am too lazy. I am twenty-two and I am tired of myself. So is that me? I will change. I will win. I will give my best and when it's not enough, I will give more. That's me. I will be back.

Nostalgia... It is a disease and today it afflicts me...

I have some serious doubts about “love” and “relationships”. It has been simmering in me, as to what makes people fall in love. As they say, “love is the highest emotion”. But is it? I wondered for a long time, waiting to experience that highest emotion and all I could do was to wander around seeing people fall in love. Every time, I pretended to fall in love, the other person moved away. Was I unlucky or my pretense not good enough? I had lots of questions for myself. I set about solving the riddle. The first question that came up was “why should I fall in love?” Basically it is an instinctive urge for sex which makes the opposites attract and reproduce. Pleasure is another reason. But how does a person decide on whom to love. I guess that is instinctive too. Men usually see the physical aspects and women see the other aspects along with the physical aspects too. I have seen people sacrifice a lot and paying a high price for such an emotion. Is it actually worth it is unknown to ...

Introduction The cryptic crossword is like a normal crossword with a few differences. The first of these is the diagram itself. There are two types of diagrams most commonly used in cryptics. One is very similar to the conventional crossword in that it is a grid with black squares. However, there are a lot fewer words in a cryptic. Why? Because conventional crosswords have to be fully checked i.e. every letter must be used in both an across word and a down word. Roughly half of the letters in each word in a cryptic is an unch. An unch is a letter which appears in only one word whether it is across or down. The other main difference between conventional and cryptic crosswords is the clues. Conventional puzzles have clues which consist only of a definition, although the definitions can be misleading and don't have to come straight from the dictionary. Any clue in a cryptic crossword consists of two parts. The first is a straight definition. The second is some type of wordplay...