Skip to main content

Two days... with her...

As I cough and make others look at me, I feel mad at myself from having gotten up from the bed. It has been one of those wonderful moments in my life when I could think and do as I please. As I got delirious and in my delirium, did what I did not even in my dreams, I called out to you, I touched you and I made you mine, over and over, time and again. That was what I should have been doing.

Itane mas-ruf the ham jaane kii taiyaarii mein
khade the tum aur tumhein dekhne kaa waqt na thaa.

Two days of intense fever and quite a few vomits, I am cleansed (hopefully) of whatever I owe you. I took it in the right manner and I took it in the right spirit. who better than Hemingway and Gunther Grass to keep me company. Now that you have gone, never to come back again, Do not come back.

ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhaane ke liye aa
aa phir se mujhe chhod ke jaane ke liye aa

pahale se maraasim na sahi phir bhi kabhi to
rasm-o-rahe duniyaa hi niibhaane ke liye aa

kis kis ko bataayenge judaaii kaa sabab ham
tu mujh se Khafaa hai to zamaane ke liye aa

ab tak dil-e-Khush-fehami ko tujh se hain ummiiden
ye aaKharii shammen bhii bujhaane ke liye aa

jaise tujhe aate hain na aane ke bahaane
aise hii kisii roz na jaane ke liye aa

I feel bad when some people who care for me, lecture me and goad me into confesssing things. I have been such a burden, that I have not confessed things to self and they ask me to say things in public to people who "mean" to me.

To quote "Just remember that she is never going to come back to you, no matter how much you cry, feel depressed. The time you are wasting today, by thinking abt her or rather crying over her, will never come back. And after few years, you will realize how futile it was to waste your time over her."

Life is about moments. It is about those moments for which one lived all those sad, dull moments which abound in life. I lived a lot of my life for a moment that waited to come true, only to be wasted. I wanted that moment and I want it still. I will cry for it and I will run after it. But it is not the only moment I want. I have others and I am going to have them too. I am not a madman nor am I a megalomaniac, I just want what I want.

But the two days I spent with you makes up for a lot of things and makes me a much better man. A lot of things intervened, the damn cell phone and the door bell... but I was too much in love with the moment. I don't know if the book will come, I don't know if I would overcome my fears, I don't know if I will make my course, but never will anyone question my feelings for you... get mad at me please and please don't phone me up... or if you phone me, don't put the phone down ever. let this life be a telephone call, a never ending one.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Raizada Heritage Fund and Trip to Woodlands

I have a confession to make. We don’t have a sofa at home. We seriously don’t.. Over the last two years, whenever Vartika has broached the touchy topic of a Sofa buy, I have ended up doing rants on how the money saved on not buying a Sofa would be able to feed us for a month, in case startup went bust. (And no, I was not counting on dumb UPA government allowing Sharad Pawar to make billions running amok on the vegetable and cereals market and looting us. In that case, count that sum to last for mere 15 days. That rant is for a separate day) Imagine a 30-40k sofa and me eating it, like the borers mostly do. Tough to imagine and sad to think of. So I return to the sofa tales. Vartika knew I had make her do with those mattresses. You know how dumb I am, relentlessly pointless. Unfortunately I ran into an Ariean, and that too my Mom. She looked at me and the mattresses and then again at me, and I went ballistic. From the sensibility of an accountant, to the eruditeness of an economist (De
Post a Comment
Read more

Can life teach?

It actually began, quite reluctantly. Unnecessary as it may seem, life teaches you what you allow it to teach. Even Life cannot teach you what it offers you. One has to let himself dissolve into the experience and let it sink in, and that I might call religion or education. Whatever the other person is willing to accept. Nay. Does it matter? Nay. Life is about teaching oneself. Being a self-thought-taught "person", picking up bits and pieces from various experiences, I tread on a path; I have myself laid out for myself. Never have I asked, in other words, begged for words, from "messiahs". Never did I think myself of having enough virtue, call it patience, to learn from others. So "rich" were my experiences. Things change, dynamically. Responding to an open question, throwing caution to the winds, I immersed myself into a debate, with people who thought, had streamlined their thinking apparatus and abilities. Gradually, they pestered; read "lee
3 comments
Read more

The void...

I feel empty. I feel raw. I feel rotten. I feel like not feeling. I have nothing to show, if someone to ask me about what I have achieved in my stay on this planet. Nothing. what is a few flirtations with literature, knowledge, pain and sweat. No blood. No tears. No medallions. No gallantry. Ah! I am disgusted with myself for being so ordinary. I deserve the void for I do not work half as hard as I could. I am wasting my life.
3 comments
Read more