Last weekend, I was thinking about how people tend to post more about negative experiences in their lives than about positive ones. Today is no exception. I feel kind of bad about having such a negative attitude, but writing about things makes me feel better and refreshed too.
The first time was after Puchee told me that I have a super ego and that I have an inferiority complex. Personally, I don't think I have a super ego or a complex, but every time I hear him them say that, I feel as if there's something wrong with me; as if a part of me is somehow wrong. Those feelings of not being normal have been accumulating, and today they seem just too much to ignore.
I finally asked him why he thought I had a super ego and an inferiority complex. He said that I seem to get really defensive when we talk about people, people we know and discuss them. I t is that I always tend to blast them away and their accomplishments. He was specific to the way I talk about women in general. How does it matter. Everybody talks dirty... or Am I the only one... He says that women, who invade my fields of specialization, my domains, my zone of life, I consider them as enemies, someone who ought to be denied a place on the turf and the way I crib about their scoring over me, is when I lose my cool.
If I be unbiased, this is how a woman would think.
*****Thinking from a woman's perspective.
Most women have low self-esteem. This is infact so evident that I could not believe that this could be true. I realised this some time ago and well, I was shocked.
Look at this like this. All men around me admire women that fit the societal ideal of beauty. Let's assume for a moment that a women has low self-esteem, and let's take a minute to analyze the situation:
1.If she thinks she is pretty, she knows about it, and has pretty good level of esteem.
2.The only time men mention that a woman is "hot" is when she fits the societal ideal of beauty (e.g. tall, blonde or black hair, large breasts, skinny, etc.)
3.When I watch tv, or watch movies, or look at magazines, all of the women portrayed as "beautiful" in there, fit that same societal ideal of beauty.
4.Despite the fact that the only information about beauty, a woman recieves are points 2 and 3, if she would know that she's beautiful, then she would not have low esteem.
5.Now the crib point, pointed out to mewas the fact that if a women is not physically beautiful, it doesn't means that she has a low self-esteem problem. If I am wrong here, everything is fine, but it is not this way.
Does this logic strike anyone else as a bit contradictory?
You want to know the truth? The truth isn't that women do have a low self-esteem problem. The reason women react so defensively when the men make comments about "beautiful" women is because some part of them recognizes that they are in the real world now. She is in a place where looks matter, and it makes them angry, because for a wide variety of reasons, (if she thinks) I'm not going to play that game, and they fully well realize that their refusal to buy into the societal expectation of female appearance/actions/etc will mostly likely negatively affect their friendships and relationships and career.
As a coworker, have you ever percieved that perhaps their anger and defensiveness isn't a low self-esteem problem? Maybe they are frustrated and angry because there's no easy solution to the conformity problem. Maybe it's not who we describe as "hot" that makes them angry, maybe it's how. So many times I've sat outside at lunch with my coworkers and listened to them say things like "That one's got a nice set of 'kids'" or "boy do I love Goa" or "did you see the legs on that one?" Maybe they are just pissed off at the disgusting objectification that they have to bear witness to every day.
Or perhaps they are a bit angry and defensive because on a daily basis they hear three to four comments like the following (sometimes from me ..):
All women are moody at that time of month.
All women can't be trusted.
All women are just using men for money.
The reason young women go after older men is because the older men are more financially secure, and all young women like to be pampered.
The best girls are the "fresh" ones, all the others are fucked up.
Every time they must hear someone make a comment like these, they must be thinking "Hey, not every woman fits that stereotype. Next time at least say "all women I've met" before us fellows make a broad, sweeping, generalization like that." When men are interjected a few times, they point out the women in near vicinity as out of purview for the discussion. The part that must frustrate them the most and should drive them nuts is that men don't understand that this addendum at the end does not make the statement any less offensive.
When women get angryand shout at us men, it is because they have had enough. Surely they must have never worked/lived in a place where the other sex held such strongly negative beliefs about them. I would be conked if I had to live in a place where the brand of your clothes, the tightness of your shirt, the size of your breasts, the shape of your sunglasses, the cost of your jeans mattered. So if a few of them blow their lids off, it should not be a matter of concern. Who knows what an appropriate behavior is in this encounter with the real world. Nobody hands us a "How To Tackle The Real World And How It Actually Works" instruction manual along with our degrees.
******************Back to my perspective****************
I don't agree personally to generalize and pigeonhole women to such an extreme degree. When we mentioned among ourselves that not all women are money-grubbing whores, and that in fact, in most decent relationships I paid for the not the majority of the things because the significant other was financially comfortable, and when several days later I heard one of my coworkers say "All women use men for money”, why did I no tmake my point? But then why make this about gender? Mine or her paying for everything had nothing to do with my or her gender or independence; it had to do with the fact that she was more financially secure. Why don't they see that?
The worst part is, we never cease to stop complaining about how it's impossible to find a woman who's not a cheating, gold-digging, advantage-taking whore. Furthermore, if we bastards ever did manage to find a woman who wasn't out to steal our money, she'd never date us. Why would she? No woman with any amount of self-respect would ever date a man who held such negative assumptions about women. Why date a man who's already convinced you're planning on stealing his money and fucking his best friend? No, the only women these men will ever be able to get are the ones that fit their crappy assumptions, thus perpetuating this cycle of sexist ignorance.
The second time was after Puchee said to me, "You're going to be in for a big shock when you enter the real world". If this is the real world, perhaps I should crawl back to the isolated bubble of academia with my tail tucked between my legs. I was never quite happy with what I was doing in academia, but anything would be better than this absurd, ignorant, gender profiling for the rest of my life.
The first time was after Puchee told me that I have a super ego and that I have an inferiority complex. Personally, I don't think I have a super ego or a complex, but every time I hear him them say that, I feel as if there's something wrong with me; as if a part of me is somehow wrong. Those feelings of not being normal have been accumulating, and today they seem just too much to ignore.
I finally asked him why he thought I had a super ego and an inferiority complex. He said that I seem to get really defensive when we talk about people, people we know and discuss them. I t is that I always tend to blast them away and their accomplishments. He was specific to the way I talk about women in general. How does it matter. Everybody talks dirty... or Am I the only one... He says that women, who invade my fields of specialization, my domains, my zone of life, I consider them as enemies, someone who ought to be denied a place on the turf and the way I crib about their scoring over me, is when I lose my cool.
If I be unbiased, this is how a woman would think.
*****Thinking from a woman's perspective.
Most women have low self-esteem. This is infact so evident that I could not believe that this could be true. I realised this some time ago and well, I was shocked.
Look at this like this. All men around me admire women that fit the societal ideal of beauty. Let's assume for a moment that a women has low self-esteem, and let's take a minute to analyze the situation:
1.If she thinks she is pretty, she knows about it, and has pretty good level of esteem.
2.The only time men mention that a woman is "hot" is when she fits the societal ideal of beauty (e.g. tall, blonde or black hair, large breasts, skinny, etc.)
3.When I watch tv, or watch movies, or look at magazines, all of the women portrayed as "beautiful" in there, fit that same societal ideal of beauty.
4.Despite the fact that the only information about beauty, a woman recieves are points 2 and 3, if she would know that she's beautiful, then she would not have low esteem.
5.Now the crib point, pointed out to mewas the fact that if a women is not physically beautiful, it doesn't means that she has a low self-esteem problem. If I am wrong here, everything is fine, but it is not this way.
Does this logic strike anyone else as a bit contradictory?
You want to know the truth? The truth isn't that women do have a low self-esteem problem. The reason women react so defensively when the men make comments about "beautiful" women is because some part of them recognizes that they are in the real world now. She is in a place where looks matter, and it makes them angry, because for a wide variety of reasons, (if she thinks) I'm not going to play that game, and they fully well realize that their refusal to buy into the societal expectation of female appearance/actions/etc will mostly likely negatively affect their friendships and relationships and career.
As a coworker, have you ever percieved that perhaps their anger and defensiveness isn't a low self-esteem problem? Maybe they are frustrated and angry because there's no easy solution to the conformity problem. Maybe it's not who we describe as "hot" that makes them angry, maybe it's how. So many times I've sat outside at lunch with my coworkers and listened to them say things like "That one's got a nice set of 'kids'" or "boy do I love Goa" or "did you see the legs on that one?" Maybe they are just pissed off at the disgusting objectification that they have to bear witness to every day.
Or perhaps they are a bit angry and defensive because on a daily basis they hear three to four comments like the following (sometimes from me ..):
All women are moody at that time of month.
All women can't be trusted.
All women are just using men for money.
The reason young women go after older men is because the older men are more financially secure, and all young women like to be pampered.
The best girls are the "fresh" ones, all the others are fucked up.
Every time they must hear someone make a comment like these, they must be thinking "Hey, not every woman fits that stereotype. Next time at least say "all women I've met" before us fellows make a broad, sweeping, generalization like that." When men are interjected a few times, they point out the women in near vicinity as out of purview for the discussion. The part that must frustrate them the most and should drive them nuts is that men don't understand that this addendum at the end does not make the statement any less offensive.
When women get angryand shout at us men, it is because they have had enough. Surely they must have never worked/lived in a place where the other sex held such strongly negative beliefs about them. I would be conked if I had to live in a place where the brand of your clothes, the tightness of your shirt, the size of your breasts, the shape of your sunglasses, the cost of your jeans mattered. So if a few of them blow their lids off, it should not be a matter of concern. Who knows what an appropriate behavior is in this encounter with the real world. Nobody hands us a "How To Tackle The Real World And How It Actually Works" instruction manual along with our degrees.
******************Back to my perspective****************
I don't agree personally to generalize and pigeonhole women to such an extreme degree. When we mentioned among ourselves that not all women are money-grubbing whores, and that in fact, in most decent relationships I paid for the not the majority of the things because the significant other was financially comfortable, and when several days later I heard one of my coworkers say "All women use men for money”, why did I no tmake my point? But then why make this about gender? Mine or her paying for everything had nothing to do with my or her gender or independence; it had to do with the fact that she was more financially secure. Why don't they see that?
The worst part is, we never cease to stop complaining about how it's impossible to find a woman who's not a cheating, gold-digging, advantage-taking whore. Furthermore, if we bastards ever did manage to find a woman who wasn't out to steal our money, she'd never date us. Why would she? No woman with any amount of self-respect would ever date a man who held such negative assumptions about women. Why date a man who's already convinced you're planning on stealing his money and fucking his best friend? No, the only women these men will ever be able to get are the ones that fit their crappy assumptions, thus perpetuating this cycle of sexist ignorance.
The second time was after Puchee said to me, "You're going to be in for a big shock when you enter the real world". If this is the real world, perhaps I should crawl back to the isolated bubble of academia with my tail tucked between my legs. I was never quite happy with what I was doing in academia, but anything would be better than this absurd, ignorant, gender profiling for the rest of my life.
Comments
and Biocomputing is not the hottest thing... So think something else
Well, my personal experience tells me that he is at ease with people too. You just need lots of patience to understand him :)
At least gimme a "nom de plume".... kuchh to bataa do..
well... I am just the way I am