Times have called for it.
I'm finished with lots of things. It sounds like a line from a song, but this has been painful. The lesson learnt here isn't about letting go, but the process of letting go.
I've gotten and given a lot of advice during the past few years, from counselors, friends, strangers, all telling me how to get beyond a bad situation. The problem was, getting into the bad situation was a shared experience, and getting out of it was a solo experience. It's interesting how you can care about someone, even after you see them at their absolute worst, and even after you realize, no matter how much you care about them, they don't care about themselves.
I smile as I write this. I am thinking of me. I am ashamed of myself.
justuju jiski thii usko to naa paaya hamne,
is bahaane se magar, dekh lii duniya hamne,
tujhko ruswaa naa kiyaa, khud bhi pashemaa naa huey,
ishq ki rasm ko, is tarah nibhaaya hamne.
It took me years to realize the pain inflicted upon me by someone is more painful than when by myself. So I was angry, and I worked through it, on good days, but the hurt didn't heal because it wasn't my pain which needed healing. I can deal with anything that is self-inflicted.
Learning that you can't save someone from themselves, if they refuse to see their own problems, can save you from making their problem yours. Knowing you can't save someone from their self-destructive behavior doesn't make you stop caring for them.
I'm not a bad person, or a good person, only a man dealing with everyday live to the best of my abilities. Holding on to pain is not a bad thing, unless you are holding on to someone else's pain in an effort to protect them from experiencing it.
Emotional pain is just as hurtful as physical pain, and letting go of the pain, especially when you hold it for as long as I did, is a difficult process. Tears, anger, depression, loneliness, when elicited by an outside source, out of their own pain, are wasted emotions.
Situations can get very convoluted where the heart is concerned, and the mind will not always find a clear solution when distracted by the pain of depression, but clear thinking is exactly what is needed. I've held on to pain, which was influenced by an outside source; a pain which isn't mine. Just because I care about the one who caused me this pain, doesn't mean I have to hold the pain. Nor does letting go mean I don't care anymore.
There is no such thing as closure. We hear about it, counselors and friends tell us we need it, but it isn't real. Getting beyond the pain to a place of understanding is real. The process isn't easy, and different for everyone, but when letting go is the only option, eventually you will choose to accept it. Sometimes letting go is nothing more than the act of acceptance.
These words that I speak here are a testament to my failings.
Let me get a Rain check... before I move out... I need some good luck...
I'm finished with lots of things. It sounds like a line from a song, but this has been painful. The lesson learnt here isn't about letting go, but the process of letting go.
I've gotten and given a lot of advice during the past few years, from counselors, friends, strangers, all telling me how to get beyond a bad situation. The problem was, getting into the bad situation was a shared experience, and getting out of it was a solo experience. It's interesting how you can care about someone, even after you see them at their absolute worst, and even after you realize, no matter how much you care about them, they don't care about themselves.
I smile as I write this. I am thinking of me. I am ashamed of myself.
justuju jiski thii usko to naa paaya hamne,
is bahaane se magar, dekh lii duniya hamne,
tujhko ruswaa naa kiyaa, khud bhi pashemaa naa huey,
ishq ki rasm ko, is tarah nibhaaya hamne.
It took me years to realize the pain inflicted upon me by someone is more painful than when by myself. So I was angry, and I worked through it, on good days, but the hurt didn't heal because it wasn't my pain which needed healing. I can deal with anything that is self-inflicted.
Learning that you can't save someone from themselves, if they refuse to see their own problems, can save you from making their problem yours. Knowing you can't save someone from their self-destructive behavior doesn't make you stop caring for them.
I'm not a bad person, or a good person, only a man dealing with everyday live to the best of my abilities. Holding on to pain is not a bad thing, unless you are holding on to someone else's pain in an effort to protect them from experiencing it.
Emotional pain is just as hurtful as physical pain, and letting go of the pain, especially when you hold it for as long as I did, is a difficult process. Tears, anger, depression, loneliness, when elicited by an outside source, out of their own pain, are wasted emotions.
Situations can get very convoluted where the heart is concerned, and the mind will not always find a clear solution when distracted by the pain of depression, but clear thinking is exactly what is needed. I've held on to pain, which was influenced by an outside source; a pain which isn't mine. Just because I care about the one who caused me this pain, doesn't mean I have to hold the pain. Nor does letting go mean I don't care anymore.
There is no such thing as closure. We hear about it, counselors and friends tell us we need it, but it isn't real. Getting beyond the pain to a place of understanding is real. The process isn't easy, and different for everyone, but when letting go is the only option, eventually you will choose to accept it. Sometimes letting go is nothing more than the act of acceptance.
These words that I speak here are a testament to my failings.
Let me get a Rain check... before I move out... I need some good luck...
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