Teens to Toons

Forgive them for what they are For what they did, and what they din For they are but the prisoners of their minds Chained in their own realms of shortsightedness Their shackles defined by selfishness and I Leashed by the vicious web they spew and spurn Like a deadly spider that kills its goodness with venom Like the scorpion that bites and stings its own tail But thou art not the scorpion, the spider, the snake Thou art the bird that perches high On the wings of forgiveness and rectitude Let their sting not poison thee Or shackles of malice chain thy hope For thou must do what thou must Open thy arms, embrace the evil Like sunlight that would cut the cloud And embrace all that's dark and dull The sun that fears not the blisters But shines bright with all its strength The rain that cares not where it falls Or how it soothes the thankless soul The lotus that remains unblemished with time And carries not the scars with it What binds the patriot and the rebel Is their fight for the per...

Life brings us presents... Pleasant and Unpleasant. I had be the last person to say that life has been good to me, it has been a great journey. But rightnow, I see people in pain, people for whom i had give my life and people who mean to me more than anyone ever. But I can't do nothing. Sometimes you have to watch them bleed and all you can do is say something which means nothing and helps them no way. The sadness makes me a bit down, but I will deal with it in the sam manner as I do with life's miseries... with laughter. It is going to be a significant year for me. It is going to be a good year for me. I found a lot of things to depend on. A beautiful Relationship, though not yet complete and not tested. But still, hope beckons timidly. In life, one gets to face the betrayals and tragedies with a brave grin sometimes. Nana passed away. I love you and remember you with great affection. I still see you sometimes in my dreams. Nani, Get well soon. Hope, Hope, Hope.

A lot of sleep and some crazy mathematics.A lot of orange juice and too little food. Seems like yesterday when I defined the "Golden Rules" which I hadnever break, come what may. It seemed like crystallizing lessonslearnt from life. It seemed like I had all of it formulated. It seemedlike I had stand alone while others whithered. It seemed likehappiness to know where and what one stood for and what was worthfalling for. Too many falls later, here I stand acknowledging a grudge againstlife. Very few things mattered and they all mattered like hell. Someother things mattered as well. But eventually they all let go of me,or rather I let go of them. Seems like meandering the course of life.But this time the rant is much more deserved. I was talking to someone yesterday and they came to ask me, why did ittake me to say all the "norm" things. I wondered aloud, "norm". Sayswhom? Relationships are about getting the other person to respond in away you want them to, ...

Aur haan bhosad sale ...madarchod sale...haan tujhe hi keh raha hoon...tum sale kaam kis liye karte ho gaandu....naam kamane keliye...agar haan to phir bahut hi dukh ki baat hai...hum log ek saathkaam karte the galaxy mein...aur ek saath gaand todvate the.....jahan tak main tujhe jaanta that tu aisa nahin hai...abka pata nahinmujhe...aur Madhur ne kitna kaam kiya hai who hi jaanta hai.....saale aur baat batao.......har aadmi ke liye kaam bane hote hain ...madhur didhis job where he had t...just that he did not had his fingers cut andwhatsoever doesn't mean he is an person whom you should not treat as ahuman being...Seekh jao sale doosron ko bhi ek insaan ki tarah treat karne ka....nahin to khud bhi dukhi rahoge aur doosron ko bhi dukhi rakhoge

It has been a long time, since I feel you have been out in the open with not a thing on your mind. Does not it feel like ages? It has been quite some time when you have woken up and feeling your hair all moist and smelling sickly sweet from a night of almost no dreams. It seems like yesterday and it isn't. It has been ages. That is what you were, and this is what you are now. Take a moment off and hazard a guess. Why? Don't ever do that. Introspect if need be, never because it had be fun. Infact it can kill you... sometimes I mean. When life takes away things, or so we like to call it.. It gives us a void, that we unnecessarily try to fill. Something that might be totally inadequate, like square pegs in circular holes. That has happened over time, but do not despair, for it happens to all. Another aspect of you is regret. Regret what could have been, not how?The how part is cumbersome to deal with. Not troublesome but cumbersome. Bearing the burden of regret, you have walked, d...

There has always been a time when we think of "what if". There should always be moments in life about which we have to know and think, seldom, in retrospect, about what if? Thats ok, as long as it does not take control of our lives. Thats ok as long as life does not circle aimlessly around forever till eternity. There can be many what ifs, but still if it comes to me, there will be one which reminds me of the stupidity in ego-bred individuals like me. I was sitting across this very charming lady and I ask her places to go in a particular city. She tells me about the pubs and discotheques and such and such. And I lie there thinking of those. And then I go to them, with friends, alone, in groups... and then she years later, calls up and says why did you not go out with me? And was I shocked? I was rocked. Since then, it has been a what if moment. A true classic what if moment.

I..... I am moving out of my comfort zone. I have decided not to be an academic focussed person. Now lets get down to the murkier parts of life. Life where things are not just self-decided. They do not depend on how hard you work, how much effort you put in, how much of those grey cells you have and are willing to kill. It just does not matter what you have, what matters is how much can you show, how much can you forego, how much can you forgive and how much well can you pretend. Life is worth living. I have been duped and dumped. A silly dame tells me that I ain't good enough for her, when I did never ask her for anthing. I have been made to feel bad. I have been made to beg for forgiveness, when I did nothing wrong. I have been made to do a lot of things that ain't in my comfort zone. I was not in my comfort zone. Now I am changing the gears. Lets assume, there is something to lose. Lets assume. Those who know me, know that I ain't afraid of losing things in life. That i...

I had be the first person to accept that I am imperfect... I had tell you my faults... I had be the one to try not to be imperfect... But in life, I have failed miserably to trod the path I have set for myself. I can cry and wail, but I won't do that. Between Rationality and Idealism, I am stuck and I make choices that I regret. My relationships have been a disaster. Never I have been good at making the other people happy. Never have I been able to make them mine, in a way that I would have wanted to. Mebbe something lacks in me. Something really does. But I exist and there I am alive. Help me God make the right choices. I beg of you. I beg tonight.

In times of strife... I have been working harder.. thinking harder.. taking a lot of criticism in my stride... it has been a trying time... it has been a tough time... people have been insensitive, upright obscene... but I have been keeping cool... and in Europe, it has been tougher with no one to talk to... Keeping it in place... keeping it slow and cool.. lazing around... The motto can be... "Just keep it going, while I am alive.." Love me, I want to live on... Some lines while I am here.... Still ALIVE...

Being a dick isn't easy... One has to swallow a lot of pride and emotions to be one... In fact playing any role of a human is kinda difficult, if one wants to be perfect. Messing things up the right way, like one can't unscramble scrambled eggs.. is the way to go... then one has to stand there and watch it all happen and keep saying sorry. That's the beauty of the entire thing. Being a dick... it has a beauty. You stand there and make yourself so very visible... just like one is inside the jeans... that one has to just open up their mouth and squirt... Being a dick... ahh and ohhs of life make perfect sense, if one starts to imagine being a dick. Dickiness is infact a way of life. It can be a religion. Mebbe I can start it. Mebbe I had be the one, perfect for it. Dickiness... leads to a better life, a perfect harmony between nature and oneself. So here is one to being a dick... aloha

There’s always going to be somebody who is making money faster, running the mile faster or what have you. So in a human sense, once you get something that works fine in your life, the idea of caring terribly that somebody else is making money faster strikes me as insane

Something in me cries for freedom. It rejects everything that reeks of stagnation. It crawls out of relationships, friendships, nearly everything. Makes me forget pain, anger, suffering and my past and spurs me to just keep on taking one step after another. I love this half of mine. I adore it for all the places it has taken me to and all the sights it has shown me. It is what makes me intense, passionate, insightful, philosophical and cultured. On the other hand, there is this other side of me that loves stability. Loves to be loved and is vulnerable to sentiments too. Whereever it finds a warm enclave, it runs to it, makes some space for itself, and give it a moment and it'll be nicely ensconsed in the surrounding warmth grinning from ear to ear. It succumbs. This part of me is responsible for my immense social circle. It is what makes me gregarious. It is what you talk to when you converse with me and enjoy it. All my wisecracks are his and all the witty responses I pour forth d...

As I sit here in the night, thinking of all that has passed before me, I think of all the missed chances and the mistakes I had made. I took a long walk tonight thinking of all the lovely moments and I could think of the great romances and wonderful deeds I often thought of committing to, but alas they all escaped me. Naah, nostalgia is a disease and it afflicts me tonight. I think of my parents and sis with the greatest affection I am capable of and the wonderful upbringing I have gotten, with the right values, the right attitude, the right sense and sensibilities. They have taught me to follow the right path and I have erred and the thing that makes me happy is that I know that I have erred. That’s important, I believe. I also think of wonderful friends I have been endowed with. True to core and utterly reliable, they have made me a better person than I really am. For the past nine or so years, they have borne me with patience and took my best and worst sides in their strides. The pr...

You will have to forgive me. And forget me. She looked as if she had seen a ghost. But I love you. So what? It wouldn't work. It will. Just give it a chance. It will. It will. No, it wouldn't. But I love you. I love you. I love you. Her voice reverberated hollow in her ears. She might as well have been talking to the empty walls. For suddenly, for some unfathomable reason he was cruelty personified. Sometimes love isn't good enough. Sometimes truth isn't good enough. Sometimes, nothing is good enough. She helplessly saw him go away. Years later....... Hey, who'd have thought we'd meet again this way. She tried to feign cheerfulness and normalcy. She tried to act unperturbed. She wished inwardly her heart would flutter a little less. Yeah, it is. Errr..... you think we could..... She almost cut him midway. Hey, great news at my end. I found someone after we split. He loves me like crazy. And I am so happy to have him. Silence. You never really let me complete. Yo...

How is life... I ask myself... I ask myself all the time and I wonder... I still make sense sometimes... But rightnow it's all about making it good and in shape.. Someday when the ship would come home... I had start again... and makes some music... Complusions and Pains and Mediocrity... I am running

It was a great idea. Economterics class. The concept was to determine the uncertainty of a model... any model... and identify its "goodness"... It dawned upon me to use Heisenberg's Uncertainty principle to determine the uncertainty in Black-Scholes model... I sounded the idea to Abhishek and we both spent hours on it.. just before exams... a chance to meet the glory... of being remembered for the right reasons... making our lives worthwhile... Fuck exams... And after six hours of mind numbing... we came up to the solution and alas... It was a derivation of Gauss's Classical Linear Regression Model... How I cringed... I cried... after a long time for a long time... I was certain I had messed up my moment of truth... the faith was gone... Such moments are rare and they define all the burden of mediocrity that we carry.. Darkness and Numbness prevailed... I should have been born before Gauss... Anyhow I came up with a new incremental thing on Black-Scholes and that make...

We were opposites. Our personalities – poles apart. Don’t tell me everyone is different. We were as different as different could be. Still, we befriended each other very quickly. And within a month, we became confidantes. An attraction developed. I’m not sure if it came from within or it was just natural. Nevertheless, the attraction prevailed and soon we talked. And, we proceeded to fall head over heels in love or was it pretension? The image that I projected was not untrue. The truth was simply edited. I didn’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. Wasn’t it the politically correct thing to do? I always talked about the good times. What I never talked about were the painful times. I didn’t discuss it with my friends and kept it inside me. I always given her credit for being supportive. What I never talked about were the times that she was extremely judgemental. I always justified it and tried to change myself. I always talked about how she understood me. What I never talked about wa...

I read these lines today on someone's blog. Instead I had like to say that I like vengeance. The people I thought were kids are taking decisions to settle... and I stand alone letting people go. I draw up some courage once in a while to say what I want to. Courage is not what I lack. Courage no.. not courage. It is an absolute disaster when I try to take some efforts towards making up for lost relationships. I wonder if letting go all those people was worth being alone... or in solitude as i prefer to call it and concentrate on betas and cointegration and commodity futures. Does that make my life or do they? I am working hard no doubt, on the wrong things.. but I am making a mark. Four papers in a semester with a killer load and still the will to continue. That shows how much hunger I have and the load of ideas that need to be implemented. Hunger for work, recognition and desires. I have been reading about all kinds of things. All things which make sense and no sense at all. For ex...

An end term in the middle of the term... Nothing like that to make for a decent piece of writing... Have finished the paper on commodities... The CBM will turn out to be big.. provided We have sufficient time and it does not seem like it. Good work need time and space... I have none of them... I have been talking to this guy who has potential... I have been trying to coax him to work with me. I like him for the simple reason that he has the neurons and uses less words than are required. But he is an ass. He needs to be kicked. I hope he collaborates with me. We have four "new" ideas for a 20% project which will have a presentation of 10 minutes and probably won't be given a second thought by any of the morons. But we will write it nonetheless. Because we have to give wing to our ideas. That is the reason why we exist. Puchee. Puchee. Puchee.... Mom and Dad have shifted to Delhi. Saw them on weekend. They seem to be tired and suffering. I love them more than anything else...