Teens to Toons

The only way to get some wisdom is to be taken apart, strangled and when you have submitted, long afterwards, would you be able to piece it together.. and then you would be proud of it… or unproud of it… but the act of surrender to the act, complete obeisance to the horror happening… and then accepting it… gives you wisdom… It is in fact a hard earned thing… a thing that is sometimes worth dying for… loving for.. leaving for… but ultimately things have a way of coming round.. in their own way.. unsettling the apple cart that has been so steadily delivering for you all these years and then it overturns and there you die by your cleverness… sometimes it takes you too far and then its too late to return… And then there is madness… it takes you where it pleases and it is a short route and you know it.. but submitting to madness is infact a wonderful… it takes away the pain.. till you die or repent.. which is the same thing… in almost all ways… Does it work for you when you are supposed to...

Of all things, bright and sad, profound and shallow, clear and muddled, it is our negative experiences that drive our lives, our decision making. We try harder, to avoid such confrontations, such affairs. On a bright, sad afternoon, lying in an airy unoccupied room, I lay on clean white sheets, sighing from pain and fever, full of delusions, dreams gone wrong, friends lost and forgotten. I wanted to write. After a long time, I write. I want to write of profound beautiful things, but they escape me. So I woke up and sat myself straight. In my mind was a friend, an unspeakably good soul, as troubled as was beautiful. I saw her standing next to any of the decrepit, rundown lanes of Bombay, speaking to a man, I had never seen before. I could tell from their faces and the way they shuffled their feet, that their lives were full of woe. And I am not guessing, I know. Life is an endless string of miseries, if one came to an end of one, there would be another waiting around the corner, and of ...

We are being funny in life.. From Derivatives desk to last night good bye... Inside of me... yes... Its a nightmare... a live tucked away in the world... It won't be sarcasm... it will be irony... Inside of me, sensually dying away... are a few wisps of those dreamy clouds... which still remind me of those silver linings... which I gave up for those dreams which vaporized... kuchh keh paane ki zaroorat to nahin hai... bas kuchh labzon se izhaar kar rahein hai... ki tumse pyaar hai mujhe.. aur kuchh nahin bas pyaar

I feel the need to see this movie again when i know for sure that I am going to lead an absolutely normal life and that I have to reconcile to this fact for the worse or for better... My need for this requires a lot of time... So neither am I sick... nor am I tired... I am just discouraged... i am just losing my dreams... probably all I need is a sign from up there in the heavens... Sometimes it pays to be dead normal and sometime sit pays to be totally dumb about the super natural... There are millions of people who have lost faith and are worse off than me .. but i feel incredibly stupid and it makes me see feel totally rotten... Can someone get me to see the right things in life and give me some more morale.. i am not asking you to shorten or lessen my work.. I am asking for some faith and some liveliness and some taste and some morlae boosting... thats all.. be nice and gentle..

I am dying and I am accepting it... Help me God... Help me lead myself out of this darkness.. if you have given me the ideas, give me strength to complete one... Just help me do it... conspire in my favor... please please please

Each of us inevitable; Each of us limitless - each of us with his or her right upon the earth; Each of us allowed the eternal purports of the earth; Each of us here as divinely as any is here. Each of us defined by the others, chained to the expectations – forever; Each of us encumbered; Each of us blue in a green world, waiting for the time to set us free, lacking the courage to do it ourselves. And so I ask, where is the divinity? Erring and then suffering in silence do not a saint make...

But what about the child inside me? What about the part of me that needs reassurance now and then? What about the little pang of jealousy I can feel sometimes? What about the need for a warm hug and a kiss from my loved ones once in a while? What about the anxiety that strikes when something important is on the line? What about the little bit of stagefright that I feel when I have an important presentation to make? What about how I act when I'm with "you"? Someone I am comfortable being with no matter how I feel everyday. What about bouts of paranoia that grips me everyday that my life is going no where? What about people making progress and me dying in hell, for i am a nincompoop. What about people less brilliant, less dedicated making better than me ... simply because I am one dimensional... What about loss of sense of self worth... dignity and urge to create value?

I instil paranoia in people... one way or the another... I want it not to happen... So be there when I need you... meanwhile mumbai rains and sucks my life

Imagine a small old wood panelled shop with dark hues... smelling of coffee and tobacco.. A place where one could go and select from hundreds of tobaccoes... gte hand made cigarettes on order.. something like "Baskins Robbins" of ice cream world... India ought to be moving up the value chain in this business... My contribution to understanding indian consumer

Melanie: I only wanted to warn you that Sammy can get into trouble faster than you can make most women smile. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jack Taylor: Maggie, when you grow up and are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and possess a certain sweetness that's... that's like a distant promise to the brave, to the worthy, could you please not beat to a pulp every miserable bastard that comes your way simply because you can? Could you not do that? Maggie Taylor: Okay Daddy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jack: What would you do if I kissed you right now? Melanie: You wouldn't kiss me. Jack: But what would you do if i did? Melanie: Do you wanna kiss me right now? Jack: I wouldn't've mentioned it if didn't. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Phone rings] Jack: What? Melanie: I forgot to tell you that Sammy is allergic t...

I was not so much in a mood to talk than I was to hold and lie still...mebbe listening to deep breathing and other nocturnal sounds... it has infact dawned upon me recently that life has a certain pace and it is upto us how we utilize that, whether we can run faster or wait for it to suit us... The state of denial. Denial is an involuntary rection to shock. This is a good time to stop and figure things out -- to get emotionally and intellectually ready to continue the journey. Unfortunately, most people never leave denial. If you seem to be doing well with the way things are, what's the problem? Living in denial robs us of peace of mind. Our conscience knows the nagging truth, and the anger keeps leaking in. When we stop denying reality, we are forced into the next phase -- anger. It looks ugly and unprofitable. The state of hope with anger. Hope with anger is a powerful, driving force which can keep us working hard for years. Unfortunately, it is also hard on our personalities....

# I had the best self made salad on Saturday night. It was composed of green and yellow beans, cucumber, tomato, a bit of olive oil, onion and vinaigrette. I was not ready to be so thrilled with this salad. Tonight, I will replicate it. # Someone's 2nd anniversary living with us was this weekend. To celebrate we had some chips and beer. # A friend has a foot injury... a hurried trip to hospital at night ... Poor pup. # I have been wondering about getting into shape... an hours brisk walk in the morning... on the chowpatty and mebbe i will get home alive # The French Open has begun! # Vanity and recluse... meeting old flames... life's new passion.. temporary life... and wills # Taking my laundry to the center a couple blocks away makes me really unhappy... My room mate washes better.

Over the past few days... a number of movies, a number of parties, old friends... seasick memories... happy sea memories... a sense of being free, a sense of being jailed... I wish for life to resolve the temptations... and resolve the issues.. or atleast give me the resolve to wake up ad solve them... myself... I love myself... I proclaim... Forex trading here I come

I wonder... if my mediocrity defines me... if i need labels... if what i earn defines me... if i take a chance and fail, i had be a loser... if i don't like something, i usually have this guilt... if i can't be someone, why should i be held guilty of not trying... if i give hopes, i have to keep them... if I lie, I would be condemned... if what people think, makes me me... if i don't feelt he drive, i should pull myself up... if i am afraid, i had be too proud to say it... if i feel like saying out loud that i am tired, i had be a ninny... if i don't make it big in life and die like the other millions, it had be a life well spent and not saved... if my work is not seen, i should make it heard... if i don't feel like it, i should let people know... if i dread seeing someone and disappointing them, i should just hope for the best... if lost hopes should be cried for... if... I am just panicking now... everything else is fine...

I think I need to keep working harder... so that it gets me someplace where i had intended to be. So i have to work harder and smarter Work work work

I lost a friend... to death.. I remember him and I will for a long time to come... but I wonder... who will after i have and all other who knew him will be gone... why does that happen.. he did not even get his chance.. So I better take it when i have the time to... Isn't that an intelligent decsion... remember "Finding Forrester"... Run

Marriages, Engagements, Babies... No particular order but they seem to be cluttering my schedules here. I see brothers and sisters, even some nieces and nephews, some uncles and aunts involved in these activities. Everyone has a tale to tell. They ask me and I have none, just blanks and painful silences dot our conversation. I was not so long back. Maybe the biggest chatterbox when I could afford it. Now there is this distance. I pray for a cousin of mine to get well. She had an accident and fighting for her life and when I saw her, I just could not recognize her, all bandaged and bruised, half paralysed for life. I pray and I wonder what should I pray for, her life or her ..... I leave it to you God, to do the best, you can...

Chapter 1 It’s usually a double life, a whacked up life, struggling to piece together times from different periods in my life. Separating friends and family, juggling responsibilities and stolen moments, savoring those small indiscretions, always a smile, no invectives and indecencies. That’s how it is at home. I stopped at about four. There has been too much stuff piling on my desk these days and it occupies not so much of my desk as it occupies my mind. I usually stop when I am tired and that is how it has always been. However I always feel pretty guilty stopping working and can’t sleep for another hour till it just happens to me. Getting into the balcony without making too much noise, I can make out the skyline and those intermittent sparkling of lights playing in the air as if spotting something out in the still dark night. I thought about the visual search engine and wondered of how I used to think of Google as the nice guys on the block. I used to find their meteoric rise comfort...

Shrek….. seen it….rich heroine… ugly hero…. Topsy turvy story…. Yet a hit…point being… almost everyone we know doesn’t like the way they look..to varying degreees…probably see themselves as shrek… everyone fancies themselves as the underdog…the one who gets bitched about behind their backs… everyone is alone… yet together ..becasue we all think exactly the same….. as far as looks go that some people tend to think of it a lot more often than most…and a lot more often than we probably need to…. I am ugly… I cant figure how….(cause I kinda like my face when I look at it in the mirror …. Occasionally… I hate it at times…true….but I like it at times….it aint that bad ) … now the point isn’t that im not good looking..the point is that…I “think” im not good looking …and I let it keep me from doing so much that I shud….. I am simply not strong enough to reconcile with it and move on….while my dad…. (from whom I take my looks) is pretty cool abt it…now if he is pretending..he does a very good...

I was wondering about how to take rejection in life. I have this problem with inability to accept rejection. Recently I have been kicked in a couple of interviews and this makes me pretty mad at myself. I have been angry and because I had been hopeful, I was rolling in my own misery. Sleeping for 15 to 24 hours has been making me feel dreadful about myself. I think a depression is imminent and All i need is a good achievement, to get out of the rot. It was not that bad until it turned into mania... I just need a good thing to happen to me...

In life... sometimes people need to look at what happened and why? But sometimes people should just let the fuck that happened happen. Let go. The anger is sometimes tremendously exciting. That animalistic feeling is very enervating, very tragic actually. Somehow I feel, life cannot give me what I want. Life is not good enough, honest enough, loving enough to give me what I want. So what do I do? All that I can do is snatch it, take it away from life. How does one know what one wants and how much he wants it? Its about the things one is willing to give up and as a result forego in life to have it his way. This life will not end in a manner that had look like a failure to me. This life will see me willing to end it in a manner I see befitting. This life will see... just what and where I take it.

The last time I had slept twenty hours on the trot was when I messed up.Now I think after rejecting Standard Chartered, Price Waterhouse Coopers and Dr Reddy's, I have messed up again. But anyhow it won't matter after life has ended. This mistake won't endure after I am gone.I had wanted to write for a long time, long long time but it makes no love to me anymore. Infact it looks back at me and laughs at me. Laughs at me for the sole reason that I am not fidel to it.Long times, lost times, madness, coolness have left me and All I do is pretend. All my business ideas lie rotten, hating me in the silence, mouthing unheard obscenties for the lack of courage that I have shown, even after they have revealed themselves to me.I want to have the courage to make it upto them. I love you... my ideas.. you are ones which distinguish me from the masses. You are my children, you are my hope.Don't desert me ever.