Skip to main content

Wisdom-Un-uh

The only way to get some wisdom is to be taken apart, strangled and when you have submitted, long afterwards, would you be able to piece it together.. and then you would be proud of it… or unproud of it… but the act of surrender to the act, complete obeisance to the horror happening… and then accepting it… gives you wisdom…

It is in fact a hard earned thing… a thing that is sometimes worth dying for… loving for.. leaving for… but ultimately things have a way of coming round.. in their own way.. unsettling the apple cart that has been so steadily delivering for you all these years and then it overturns and there you die by your cleverness… sometimes it takes you too far and then its too late to return…

And then there is madness… it takes you where it pleases and it is a short route and you know it.. but submitting to madness is infact a wonderful… it takes away the pain.. till you die or repent.. which is the same thing… in almost all ways…

Does it work for you when you are supposed to be somebody’s, howsoever desirable.. a backup option.. there is nothing that is as bad as that…that is when you bend lower than you have ever been… and that you never emerge from the experience, howsoever damn smart, intelligent and savvy..you might sound.. that is infact a total surrender… that is letting yourself down in entirety..

I had never forgive myself.. but then I had never think of me in any other sense, except a renegade…a man who chose to become a slave than fight… fight it even if it takes a heavier toll than that can be imagined…

A man can chose to have everything by letting go of everything and having nothing.. but when he desires something so much that he lets it be the centerpiece of their life.. it is then that he surrenders to the charm, the sting, the life giving poison, the latent heat, the unforgiven sin, the cardinal error… a pain that lasts through your veins, long after they have stopped sucking your blood, your emotions, your passions, your drive, your energy.. that is how people make a mistake, by accepting a mistake.. mistake not, the failure to accept a mistake, and living it… that is what takes away the element that makes men immortal, for they are meant to live for meaningful pursuits… I sound like a madman.. but when you have been through it.. it means a whole mot more, than what I keep saying.. a wisdom is gathered, madness seizes you… a different cause-effect mechanism.. a madness is better than wisdom, for it allows you to die once…

Some truths are so painful that only shame can help you live with them. Some things are just so sad that only your soul can cry for you… (last two lines from Shantaram)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Raizada Heritage Fund and Trip to Woodlands

I have a confession to make. We don’t have a sofa at home. We seriously don’t.. Over the last two years, whenever Vartika has broached the touchy topic of a Sofa buy, I have ended up doing rants on how the money saved on not buying a Sofa would be able to feed us for a month, in case startup went bust. (And no, I was not counting on dumb UPA government allowing Sharad Pawar to make billions running amok on the vegetable and cereals market and looting us. In that case, count that sum to last for mere 15 days. That rant is for a separate day) Imagine a 30-40k sofa and me eating it, like the borers mostly do. Tough to imagine and sad to think of. So I return to the sofa tales. Vartika knew I had make her do with those mattresses. You know how dumb I am, relentlessly pointless. Unfortunately I ran into an Ariean, and that too my Mom. She looked at me and the mattresses and then again at me, and I went ballistic. From the sensibility of an accountant, to the eruditeness of an economist (De...
Post a Comment
Read more

Time for Retrospection

Withered away, the burning heat of the day Evening silently soaked the heat within Wearing the diamonds came the night O’ Soul why are you silent, smile!! Three things have affected me lately. Hope, fear and death. Silently they walked past me in the night and left me awake. Gasping for breath, a parched throat and burning eyes. These days have been gloomy because days are heavy with tension. Work and nothing else. I need to relax and let the natural “me” take over. But it does not happen. Rather I cannot let that happen. Reading a lot these days has been a need. A need because I need to exist in an unreal world where I can be what I want to be. It would be difficult to be that in the real world. I even pretend to dream these days. Pretense has become my entire life. Every moment of my life is “pretending” to be me. I am doing it for the fact that people might not recognize the “real” me if I were to show them who I am. Living a life where everything is drive...
2 comments
Read more

Ah'men!!

Last weekend, I was thinking about how people tend to post more about negative experiences in their lives than about positive ones. Today is no exception. I feel kind of bad about having such a negative attitude, but writing about things makes me feel better and refreshed too. The first time was after Puchee told me that I have a super ego and that I have an inferiority complex. Personally, I don't think I have a super ego or a complex, but every time I hear him them say that, I feel as if there's something wrong with me; as if a part of me is somehow wrong. Those feelings of not being normal have been accumulating, and today they seem just too much to ignore. I finally asked him why he thought I had a super ego and an inferiority complex. He said that I seem to get really defensive when we talk about people, people we know and discuss them. I t is that I always tend to blast them away and their accomplishments. He was specific to the way I talk about women in general. H...
3 comments
Read more