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Goa-a retrial

It was me at my sour best. I had all the revulsion for myself. I had the poison in me at it's poisonous best. Taj Aguada had it's moments. Every moment spent there reminded me of something that was not there. It made me unhappy. It made me pathetic. Yet, right now I feel fine. I can say with courage that I am sad, that I miss her, that I need her, that the more she is away the more she makes me feel want her.
Then this cousin of mine, blamed me all the way for not committing to her. She said that "she" was not at fault at having gotten married. That was well not that palatable to me.
Goa was nice. Yes it was. Times had me sulking, but I lazed in the dark in the waters. It was no doubt making me a bit afraid. But who is afraid of dark and depths? At least these days.
I came back and read something. It made me feel better. I am going to achieve a lot... I had put a lot of things on the backburner for things that had to be achieved.
It's gonna be literature full time. I am going to come on hard at myself. I am going to be real hard on me.
I should be. I have to be my master. I smiled a lot today. I made lot of good conversation with "normal" people. They were pretty amazed. After a year here, I heard compliments "you are pretty warm".. "we always thought you were distant".. hehe.. welll was not that true. I am changing. I just need to see her once. Well isn't that asking a lot.
I don't know and I don't care. I am not at all afraid of anything. I am going to be cheerful and I am going to laugh out loud. I am going to make it worth it.
Anywayz.. One more thing that's bothering me. Puchee is moving out... He is going home. Finally...

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