Teens to Toons

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive Even heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede Even heroes have the right to dream - OST Superman Naivete. I am a bit sad today. Work is work is work. I was having lunch when big boss came over. He asked me about how I was doing in life (not work). So I told him that I am looking forward to do some trading. He asked me lots of stuff. I was even able to explain derivative and futures. Now he got excited. Then I told him about a few friends who have gotten into investment banking leaving their research mid-way. So he asked me where all have these people gone. I told him about the supposed dreamy creamy cushy jobs. He was like.. ahh and what do these people get paid. So I told him a figure which was some 20K higher than what I was told, just to impress him. He was like... bas! ... I was on the backfoot. I told him about zilch work experience and no idea of what they were going to do. I told him that I thought it w...

God!! Was I crystal on these thoughts. Grin Grin*** Evil Grin. Long time ago.. I must say. Why I can't rise/fall in love?? Because men are romantics and women are not!! Men want meaningful relationships based on respect and maturity while women fall for surfacial dirt. women are sceptics. They can't fall in love. The traditional roles have been reversed, to the point that I do not think I am sarcastic when i refer to their demeanor as feminine machoism.In their false theories and concepts, of taking up men's role, they have modified the traditional form without even thinking of it's underlying purpose. when we say women are romantic, we mean, they like flowers,chocolates and surprises.But is it exactly that.No. Actually what women want is the respect and admiration of a man and they identify the superficial crap as a symbol of that, and the flowers and the choclates do not mean anything at all. They are dead cold. Men really have romantic feelings, while women are...

People phone me up. People give me news. Some people have conquered fear. Some have attained heights. Some have embraced a lot of life. People make me nervous. People make me ashamed. They should see me cringe at this end of the line. I wish them luck. I wish them my part of luck as well. They might need it. Well... at least they act when they love.

My favorite topic!!! Word of god... it never dies. Imagine this... Baagha Beach, Goa... It's 2 PM at night and there are some guys sitting at the edge of the waves. Most romantic of all moments. Nothing romantic about the company, though. But still the memories can be relived. We should be talking about women, money, power, education, learnings. We talked about RUMORS. Rumors that killed me. Rumors that killed my belief in humans being good at times. Belief that yes, someday someone can like me, so as to overlook those blatant lies. I laugh at them and their lies. I look them directly into their eyes. They can't stand my gaze. That is how clean I am. I have nothing to be afraid off. I know who phoned whom and who mailed whom. I know who net sends whom and what. That was the limit of control I had back then. Now I don't care. Still aren't they really funny.

Goa did something to me. It made me human again probably. It made me feel vulnerable. Earlier I was like a rock, falling from the top, not caring whether I would break, whether I would gather moss, where will I reach. I just kept taking a course. That was me. Today I care. I do not know why. Probably I am afraid for times that are to come. Probably I geniunely care about myself. Probably it is for my parents and family. Probably I am maturing. Probably I have learnt to make compromises. I am not making a compromise here. I am never going to compromise on the rules. Rules stand as if chiselled on stone. I am going to be a bit soft on how I am going where I am going. That is all. I will smile a lot. I am not going to be the stone. I am going to start giving a lot of people a lot of space. I am not going to ask for divine forgiveness, but yes, you, up there, yes you... you know what I want... Zindagi tune lahoo leke diyaa .... kuchh bhi nahin, Tere daaman mere vaaste kyaa . kuchh bhi nahi...

It was me at my sour best. I had all the revulsion for myself. I had the poison in me at it's poisonous best. Taj Aguada had it's moments. Every moment spent there reminded me of something that was not there. It made me unhappy. It made me pathetic. Yet, right now I feel fine. I can say with courage that I am sad, that I miss her, that I need her, that the more she is away the more she makes me feel want her. Then this cousin of mine, blamed me all the way for not committing to her. She said that "she" was not at fault at having gotten married. That was well not that palatable to me. Goa was nice. Yes it was. Times had me sulking, but I lazed in the dark in the waters. It was no doubt making me a bit afraid. But who is afraid of dark and depths? At least these days. I came back and read something. It made me feel better. I am going to achieve a lot... I had put a lot of things on the backburner for things that had to be achieved. It's gonna be literature full time...

Just think of this one.... (not mine..nor did I write it) "he is such a cutiepie!! :)..better known as Recca but i prefer calling him 'Abhi'...fond of chocolates and laddus ( but the best part is that he doesn't mind sharing them :D)...and of course how can I forget mentioning his crushes( esp. on senior girls hehe)....in short, he is a charming, sensible, frndly person...( ab testimonial likho to thodi tareef karni padhti hai :p)....jokes apart, I really mean it :).... wud love to have a son like him :D ....wishing him success and happiness in life!!....so Abhi, I have finally typed a testimonial for u!! next time jab aoge to mere liye ek diary milk leke aana :p" I would rather die laughing... I would rather die crying... I would rather "just" die. Who is this woman... Some woman... who cares.. what does one mean... by saying "would love to have a son like him"... aisaa bhi kyaa hai... Some people amaze me... Some people just go and blow away...

break. People are leaving. People are moving. Back in Kanpur, I wanted to get going. But I always had this grudge that people bind me. I am getting a bit distracted with all the work. Oracle sucks big time. I like others better. Why did I ever agree to work on oracle. Ah!

to accept "things" that you don't want to and let go of "things" that you want. Should not I aim to be immortal? Beyond all desires for "things" and beyond "things". Let me first taste the freshness of water and cleanliness of air. Let me first taste the fruit and face the exhaustion. Let me live.

Opportunities fly by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone. ~Jerome K. Jerome, The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow Someday I will regret a lot, but today is not the day

Dad is after all... Dad. He knows me. He knows me better than I do myself. But then he knows my limits. I somehow have no idea of my limits (sometimes even depths). That is a good thing. He has thrown a challenge and I am most probably going to take it. "If you limit your choices onyl to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise" So am I going to compromise? I am NOT. khushi jisne khoji, woh dhan leke lautaa, hansii jisne khoji, chaman leke lautaa, magar pyaar ko khojne jo chalaa woh, naa tan leke lautaa, naa mann leke lautaa. Let's embark on happiness. :)) Jis din terii yaad naa aayee, teri yaad naa aayee... Tu ek hansii khwaab ban ke reh jaa.

I am a nice guy. Or so my female friends tell me. I'm a nice, helpful, generally likeable guy. A close friend of mine once said to me (and this was a girl whom he had been contemplating proposing marriage to), "I wish I had a younger brother like you." That is a wonderful wish. Next year.. christmas(Santa.. you listening). I mean, how is a man supposed to react to a statement like that? I think women use such statements to see how men respond to situations of extreme stress (Freud would be apologetic). It's probably some kind of experiment in psychology. And we men go along with it simply because, you know, they are women. Talking about the strange things women have said to me, this is one of my favorites: "You remind me of my dog." Meaning, I assume, that I walk on all fours, have long flappy ears, and prefer to relieve myself in front of a water hydrant. I wonder if anyone would want that kind of person as his or her younger brother. So, as you would have ...

that they do not find me good enough. It cannot be more comical and tragic. They find people with no personality to carry it off in the field. No matter where they go, they will fidn people gruff and angry. Any one expects theor bosses to be far far better than them. They are making a mistake and believe me, I will someday make a point to snub them, the same way they have done to me. All my certis down the drain. Fine Arts, Sports, Academics, Posts, Work profile. Nothing matters. All that matters is whether they think you are "good" enough. Should I make such a big issue out of this. I don't know. Another wasted year. Move on. Kar khudi to buland itnaa....

BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Feb. 1, 1998.) If you're a man, at some point a woman will ask you how she looks. ''How do I look?'' she'll ask. You must be careful how you answer this question. The best technique is to form an honest yet sensitive opinion, then collapse on the floor with some kind of fatal seizure. Trust me, this is the easiest way out. Because you will never come up with the right answer. The problem is that women generally do not think of their looks in the same way that men do. Most men form an opinion of how they look in seventh grade, and they stick to it for the rest of their lives. Some men form the opinion that they are irresistible stud muffins, and they do not change this opinion even when their faces sag and their noses bloat to the size of eggplants and their eyebrows grow together to form what appears to be a giant forehead-dwelling tropical caterpillar. Most men, I believe...

Yesterday I went home and slept. First time ever in my life. I woke up angry. I had missed reading so much. Anywayz after I and Suds had a talk on his applying here, I was contemplating a lot of things. Kuchh bhi ho rahaa hai. A number of meetings. One ran for eight hours. That was inhuman. Weekly meeting, Monthly meeting, this meeting and that meeting. I hate meetings. Once I become someone who has to hold meetings, I will hold the shortest ever. Nothing ever gets solved in a meeting. Bahut crib karnaa hai. Bahut kuchh hai crib karne ko. I was bitching yesterday about a lot of things to no one in particular. I bitched to myself and to no one else. I display my mediocrity to myself. Sometimes I am too mediocre to accept. Yesterday I was mediocre. Rather yesterday was mediocre. Tomorrow will be better. Hopefully.

They will say that I have turned back to form. They will say that my ego is back. But I say... that I am never going to compromise on my self-esteem. Somebody said sometime back on her blog that if one has to beg for their love from their loved ones, then they should. I ask "why?". As a human, the most important thing I cherish is my esteem. I might be too proud. But I deserve all the esteem, I want to have. I am not going to put up with any shit I don't want to. I am not going to take lies and turn away and smile. I am probably not gonna talk anymore or spew some venom. I might not be the best, the most "this and that", but I am a lot of things and good things at that. Compromises are for weak. They might say that compromises can be a good solution sometimes. I agree, but I am not going to make any concessions from my side. If somebody is brutal to me, I am going to be BRUTAL++. If somebody plays with me, I am going to play rough. I am not just anybody. I am me...

I have loved numbers. I was a number cruncher. No I am not just a nerd or a geek. I am much much more than that. I am the rowdy nerd. (My Tam friends called me that). I was talking to my sister about old times. She remembers me sitting with that old Casio calculator which had an old type display. The one with the vacuum tubes. Ahh. I loved that calculator. I had that with me at all times. I will have to check my junk back home, to see if I still have that. That was my competitor. Then I found some books on number systems. I loved them. I loved prime numbers. I loved thinking of how to look for prime numbers. Back in college, I ran a program to calculate prime numbers using an algo I thought would do well. It was ultra450 I think, those old IRIX servers. I don't remember. Anywayz it crashed a few days later. I have a few servers not doing anything. Should I use them. I don't know. I don't think I will ever have the time to continue this. And then I remember VOSTOK. That craz...