Teens to Toons

We were opposites. Our personalities – poles apart. Don’t tell me everyone is different. We were as different as different could be. Still, we befriended each other very quickly. And within a month, we became confidantes. An attraction developed. I’m not sure if it came from within or it was just natural. Nevertheless, the attraction prevailed and soon we talked. And, we proceeded to fall head over heels in love or was it pretension? The image that I projected was not untrue. The truth was simply edited. I didn’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. Wasn’t it the politically correct thing to do? I always talked about the good times. What I never talked about were the painful times. I didn’t discuss it with my friends and kept it inside me. I always given her credit for being supportive. What I never talked about were the times that she was extremely judgemental. I always justified it and tried to change myself. I always talked about how she understood me. What I never talked about wa...

I read these lines today on someone's blog. Instead I had like to say that I like vengeance. The people I thought were kids are taking decisions to settle... and I stand alone letting people go. I draw up some courage once in a while to say what I want to. Courage is not what I lack. Courage no.. not courage. It is an absolute disaster when I try to take some efforts towards making up for lost relationships. I wonder if letting go all those people was worth being alone... or in solitude as i prefer to call it and concentrate on betas and cointegration and commodity futures. Does that make my life or do they? I am working hard no doubt, on the wrong things.. but I am making a mark. Four papers in a semester with a killer load and still the will to continue. That shows how much hunger I have and the load of ideas that need to be implemented. Hunger for work, recognition and desires. I have been reading about all kinds of things. All things which make sense and no sense at all. For ex...

An end term in the middle of the term... Nothing like that to make for a decent piece of writing... Have finished the paper on commodities... The CBM will turn out to be big.. provided We have sufficient time and it does not seem like it. Good work need time and space... I have none of them... I have been talking to this guy who has potential... I have been trying to coax him to work with me. I like him for the simple reason that he has the neurons and uses less words than are required. But he is an ass. He needs to be kicked. I hope he collaborates with me. We have four "new" ideas for a 20% project which will have a presentation of 10 minutes and probably won't be given a second thought by any of the morons. But we will write it nonetheless. Because we have to give wing to our ideas. That is the reason why we exist. Puchee. Puchee. Puchee.... Mom and Dad have shifted to Delhi. Saw them on weekend. They seem to be tired and suffering. I love them more than anything else...

Lots of things to write... I have not had an occasion to write them... But I have had a great chance to live them out. Time to change things.. set them right.. and make it home... Also make me happy.. that is what I call out for...

An inspiring post. A clean, pointed riposte... I liked the ruthlessness in the post. I liked what I saw. I liked what I felt. Yes, there was guilt. That's the first thing I felt. Then there was sorrow of letting you go. Then there was anger, of being an imbecile, ignoble man of zilch conscience. Then there was a feeling of futiliy. Then I felt a bit happy. I dream of you pursuing your dreams, successfully and happily. As I say, it was a clean post. It was clean for the precise reason that no one, including you know what I went through all these days. I know I am human, a plain normal human. I know of desires, pain and all those emotions that occupy any human. But I choose not to blame, anyone including myself for any specific reason. Maybe I should, mebbe not. It was clean because it was yours and not ours. The reason why getting out of a relationship is painful is because getting into it is a two way experience, however getting out of it is always one way. And it has to be that wa...

Happy Planet Index Your personal Happy Planet Index (HPI) is 32.2, which is similar to that of Ethiopia. Sorry to say that this is below the world average of 46. For those living in the UK, you’ll also be disappointed to hear your score is below the national average. Your score is below that of your country, 48.7. Below is a breakdown of the various components that make up your HPI score. You: 32.2 Average: 42.4 [Average is of all online responses to this survey - not the average for your country]   Life Expectancy Congratulations. Your life expectancy is above average for your gender and country. Whether it's eating well, not smoking, getting regular exercise, or just being lucky enough to have the right genes, you're doing something right. However, nobody's perfect and we could all improve our health a little! Aside from getting all the above bits of your lifestyle right, there are some more surprising factors that can influence your life expect - for example, giving up y...

Behind every poem there are unspent lives, unwanted men. CC makes me a madman... does it not?

A moment wasted never comes back... sometimes it haunts you forever... I ask why... why should I be doing what I decided not to... infact life goes on forever asking more from you... I am missing mayank as my study partner.. I have no one to study with... I am missing the questioning gaze.. my face writh with regret... I am missing a brother... I am missing the joy of continuous study... I am missing the continuity of ideas... and their rejection by sound logic... I am missing a lot of things I like... most of all.. the sounding board that he used to be... and the contempt with which he treated my ideas... and his sparse praise...I miss that as well.. he kept me on the path I wanted to tread.. never letting me move away... I need to find someone who can keep me on my toes.. I need more than a brother.. a friend.. someone I can respect, fear, admire and love... A sunday wasted... Sometimes Sahi comes close but then sometimes he does not.. he has life other than this.. and He is right in...

An imminent thing... I missed classes.. slept like a log.. lazed around like a dog... and now I hate myself for all that... got a lot of work to do.. before I die... and I am not sitting on my ample butt waiting for it...

As I sit here in the computer center.. making my case to inhuman treatment of self.. I am of the opinion that a man can torture himself/herself physically.. but the worst is the mental one which it succumbs to so very often... I have completed one paper on project financing using carbon credits and the next one would be on commodity trading and pricing... The earlier paper which I had writen on Insurance is so intuitive is that I have to find someone who says that yes.. it is relevant and worth the effort...Either it is a trash and a waste... else it presents a wonderful framework for risk analysis... who knows... only time will tell... There is one more paper that I am working on... It is on capital structure decision making... it is also in the same mould as the previous one.. an outrageous thought.. The paper which got selected in Michigan Ann Arbor conference ends up as a no consequence.. Price level targetting is the next thing on my mind... mebbe the international economics term ...

I ran the complete 3.2 kms of IIM Lucknow circular road in 18 minutes flat. No stoppages, no pausing to breathe. I had been trying to do that for past 3 days. Now with Lawn tennis at 3 am and then a jog at 5 am, I am spending at least 1.5 hours in action daily. I hardly meet anyone these days. I have been reading lately. I have been paying attention in classes. But the story of today's jog, makes me insomniac. I am worried about myself. When I started to run and tire... I told myself that every step I take will mint money for me. And no wonder I ran the complete thing. Am I am maniac or a pervert... Am I me anymore? I have been wondering all summer ... about how I got so fascinated with money. I guess it starts in Calcutta where I studied in a predominantly marwari school where all the kids were filthy rich and there was I with barely anything. Then came IITK where money did not matter. Power did. And then I did take up a job and she happened and I had to let her go. Just because s...

Lost my cell and wallet. Am not unhappy. It just gives me a feeling of being incomplete. A cell and a wallet is what i am used to. The day in office was long and a number of times I touched places where they ought to have been. However it does not matter anymore. its over and gone. All I need is to go to a Police Station and record the loss. It took me three hours to understand that the one I went to was in a different jurisdiction. help me lord.-

The Swiss trip was a wonderful time in my life. I met Lukas... who came as close to being an elder brother I never had... Then there was that romanian woman who in ten hours of premium time came so close that I was about to let go. The hosts were wonderful. I got a swatch for GrandDad... A Swiss knife for Dad and nothing else.. except some wine and chocolates... There is so much to write about experiences of Europe but I cannot condense them for the space here... The frank stupidity in my life took another turn ... the most unexpected turn... and Although it is one thing that should be written... I am willing to let go... The word Nattu must say it all... Recently I have been very withdrawn. I am not able to finish my papers... I need to get them on the paper to be published.. there is so much in the mind that I am not able to translate one of them in reality... I just need to prioritize... Help me god...

A lot of effort... waste of money and time... Finally I am leaving... Just hope that it comes out nicely... Let me go and have a good time... lalalalaaaaa...

Sometimes life has to stop and other things precede it. Time has nearly stopped and though I been writing my journal.. but a lack of internet connection makes life tuff.. when I will be back... it will be a new me.. with better ideas (hopefully) and clearer understanding of this world.. which still does not accept me..

It has not been so nice.. yet there have been opportunities... and I am willing to exhaust myself for all the things out there.. which I obviously don't want.. Iskaa koi gham bhi nahin hai. koi khushi bhi nahin hai... bas itnaa sa kehnaa thaaa.. ki tu nahin teraa gham bhi nahin.. Thodaa intezaar hai... mukaam pe pahunch kar hi dum loongaa...

I am a heavy chappal user.. The real chappal.. Hawaii Chappal... I am the real common man... the real because I use the real Hawaii Chappal.. Let me tell you the story... The current chappal that I am using dates back four years... It is in its last stages.. Over the last four years.. it has endured a lot.. travelled a lot.. Bought for 42 rupaye, in IITK Shop-C alongwith Puchee. whose chappal has also endured. I am probably the only one wears a phatichar chappal to class..more so out of habit that anthing else... that is because anyone who truly belongs to IITK knows what does the chappal signify... A freedom worn with carelessness...

kehne ko bahut kuchh hai, magar kisse kahoon... Life is fast when you run.. otherwise it is pathetically slow... So run if you want to.. else sleep..

I just got addicted to ideasmithy.. naah.. just her blogs.. there are so many.. The one thing that I liked about Ideasmithy was her clarity of thought... She knew what to say and when... all world carefully crafted and drafted... it was so sad to see her abilities all centered around herself... That is the prime problem with sensitive and talented people like Ideasmithy... She knows she is fighting the wrong battle, for the wrong reasons and with the wrong enemy... She knows and still she fights.. with a cold blind dark fury.. She draws blood... and she sheds some... and she grins and groans... she knows she needs an enemy to make her struggle worthwhile... she needs a crusade.. a holy crusade.. which she can fight with all the venom she can muster... The problem with most of us people in this century is that we have no real battles... no challenges... a meagre existential existence.. which has no reason to justify.. no "real" reason.. The wonder I felt when I read her blogs ...

A wonderful Professor. A beaut of a course... and wretched students.. that is how I would call it... Most people under mine the importance of negotiations in life... I remember how I could not ask for 7 lacs and instead settled for 6.75 lpa... So it is important... Now how does this professor get treated... If i were the professor, I had fail half the class for the behavior. Thankfully I am not the one... So today, me the brainy one.. went to the professor during the break(we have 1.5 hours class) and asked him to provide some role play, so that we could observe a negotiation... and understand first hand... He was really understanding and next class... we are in for some good time.. yipee