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A Sober one

A tough day. Lots of money made. Tired and dead. Walking back on Churchgate in my own thoughts. A person rushes past me and hits me on the shoulder. I just try holding my own and he loses his footing and ends up sprawled all over. I pick his case up and walk to him "Kyaa karte ho bhaiya?". Neither angry nor mad. Just worried.

The person gets up, gritting his teeth. "Bhaiyaa mat kehna saale".

In a second, I lose my cool. "To kyaa behena kahoon"

"Bas bhaiya mat kehna".

A very normal person he was. Dressed well. I had nothing but absolute anger in me, boiling all over me. What the fuck does he take me for? I had all thoe thoughts of being seriously mad at him, them, those types. I cooled myself and walked away. Not even looking behind. Not a show of weakness, but absolute indifference.

Something that I had felt in Switzerland and Germany. Something that I had felt in Kolkata. Something I had felt in Bangalore. Also in Pune. Also in almost all places I have been. Mebbe it was a sense of not belonging anywhere.

Then I thought of it. I thought of the hate. I could never do anything to placate it. Nothing would ever make it go. Hate is the strongest emotion. Repulsion is the easiest and strongest. Can you forgive the English for ruling us 300 years. Can you let Aussies get away with Sledging us? Can you forgive Thackeray for targeting Bhaiyas.

Hate is undeniable, Hate is impossible to remove. Hate is always ever present. Something like the void in all space. Something like the Devil even if God was here. I forgive and walk on. But that small small bit of anger, hate remains. I dont know the answer but I know the answer. And I know the solution. Just walk your own path. Just do what you feel right is. Just do it the way you want to. Just be.

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