Teens to Toons

Industrial Relations. A well made PPT. A well organized Presentation. A nice relaxed completion. Nine giggling peers in the corner. A presentation made to run for forty minutes with no contribution from anyone else. A team of ten, I stood alone. "and to the last slide" after forty minutes of intricacies into worker-union-management relations. I finish, announce for "any questions". None came my way. Then the professor claps. Everyone does too. Then comes the blow, "Well done presentation, with help from your seniors." A charge of plagiarism. I could have died a thousand deaths. Something in me died. I went ballistic. I asked him about what he meant. He went on, telling us about last years work that he done. I interrupted, categorically stating that the work was mine and I standby whatever comes next. Life for me is about standing true and I did. I don't care who he is, what he can. I made it a point, to make him understand everything. I stand alone...

Most corporations fail to tolerate the creative fanatic who has been the driving force behind most major innovations. Innovations, being far removed from the mainstream of the business, show little promise in the early stages of development. Moreover, the champion is obnoxious, impatient, egotistic, and perhaps a bit irrational in organizational terms. As a consequence, he is not hired. If hired, he is not promoted or rewarded. He is regarded as "not a serious person", "embarrassing", or "disruptive" - James Brian Quinnn I just hope I remain one.. while I last.

I have often believed that life is about moments. Moments that have defined us, our way of life, our life... in totality. Sometimes I even have this defining sense of the absurdity that pervades my world. Two years and a day to this day... I changed. It was like the changing of a course by a river. It was akin to tectonic shifting of the plates beneath. The day she just went away. I still remember it crystal. I remember it like no other thing in my life. The pain that engulfed me, dulled my senses, lowered me into a state of constant irritation, pain and anger. I was pulled into the abyss of irrationality. I promised myself and repromised, but to no avail. She was to me, a lot more than I gave her credit for, and certainly far far more than what she thought. In a certain sense, she was more to me than me myself. Somehow I think I had never been able to express that. I still can't. I take people who I take to, I consider them mine, thus regardless of them needing emotional support, ...

I have been thinking of copying this piece I wrote.. a damn emotive crappy piece.. something that i like.. something that defines my existence... but I am too lazy to even put it down on the blog... am too tired... am too tired... am too tired...

"We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives.".... Isn't this quite true... The original from the movie... "Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see us squandering it. I see all this potential and i see us squandering it. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly w...

Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Even though the morning's lull, and the sky is dull, afternoon may be bright, it may, after all be right. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Guess you are curious, might even be starry-eyed, someday you will know, why i have shied. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Why we walk together, wonder it could be another, distances are what i fear, losing you who is near. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Before we know better, walk on and on, till you cannot see, what you've passed on. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Kindness is not what I deserve, better purpose it may serve, let me be what I resemble, A spent sigh and a tremble. Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Turn away, Stranger, Turn away Before it's too late, Move on, It's my fate, Turn away, Stranger, Turn away

I read my mails from IITK times... Pune times.. I love them.. the depth .. the immaturity.. the feeling of being invincible... The feeling of being mature... sane... insane... all of it at the same time.. "zindagi bitaane ke liye kar rahe hai jatn".. this line from a 21 year old.. and me on that... Sometimes it is just the disappointment that makes everything around me hazy.. makes me zany... People come and blame me.. People come and talk about her.. People come and make me think... Kuchh nahin to yahin sahii..ki bas ab itnaa hi bachaa hai... bataana bhi ho to kise bataaye

Two years with no regrets... Just that I could complete my novel... Just that I could not gather enough courage to start a company... Just that I could not mature enough... Just that I could see the light in the darkness... ahh... there are so many... I could just go on and on.. Ending with lines ... "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way"... I agree... my mails are boring... Just keep your one-liners coming... If only they has kept coming..

Somehow I just can't bring myself to perform in Stats papers. I just mess them. I don't know why? I just don't know. Math is a dream to me. So is life. Maybe I have just not oriented myself to perform in exams. I have done well in all subjects, but not stats. I have failed to perform. People came up to me to tell me that it is not the end of the world. And I wonder what they mean. Is this the beginning or the end of the world? Stats is just not my cup of tea in exams. Else I can think and dream of methods properly and beautifully. Maybe it takes me time to find the inherent beauty in the effort put into developing Stats. Maybe I start living with it. I am tired of doing math papers. I am seriously tired. Never was performing in math an ego trip for me. This time I was really afraid. I did not know what was happening. I knew all the stuff as I had done it a few times and that is what I fear. If I do not get the inherent beauty in a method, i just seem not to understand it an...

This is a post that needs to be written. We are five IITK people in our section at this place. And then there is this course called QAM taught by a professor whose ability to make a mockery of our brain is unbelievable. In the 60 people in our class, everyone has reconciled to the fact that he sucks and there is no point arguing. I realized in the last class, that we five are the only ones who point his mistakes to him. I know he is going to screw us all, but we keep doing it, despite resolutions not to do it. Mebbe it is something that has been ingrained in us at IITK. The inability to stand shit is ingrained in us. That is a bad omen of things to come. We just can't stand mediocrity. Mediocrity makes me cringe. Mediocrity makes me afraid. The reason why I never went for a PhD. I had be dead if it happened to me. Anil and Abhishek have basically took him apart. Mayank has questioned him time and again. Come on guys, we need to learn to live with stupidity. We can't escpae it. ...

It has been so long since I knew you... Knew you... because I thought I knew you... It has been a rotten time, a purely rotten time... ever since you have changed. Ever since life took away the surest signs of being in my control. People have changed and I guess, I have too. mainly it is the mania in me to be really sure of what I say. maybe I am not so sure now. There is very little hope and all that hope is now long gone. But you have attributed things to me that are true and false at the same time. Let me be what I am, I can be and what I want to be. Let me be me.

My favorite chess quotes: "Remember, that good moves come from intelligence and not from memory!" Alberic O'Kelly "In order to create a work of art a player needs time. And that is only possible in the classical time controls. If you remove the beauty and deepness of chess it becomes a circus act." Vladimir Kramnik "Blitz kill ideas." Bobby Fischer "Chess is mental masturbation." Bobby Fischer "I think it's almost clear now that the game is drawn theoretically." Bobby Fischer "Lose with grace and resign in a timely manner. If you are a lot of material down and don't have sufficient compensation, it is time to lay down your arms. This way you show your respect for both chess and your opponent." Svetlana Matveeva "Players who are devoted to certain opening systems know how unpleasant it can be to play against oneself in the purely psychological sense." Efim Geller "The better player will win with eithe...

ye daaG daaG ujaalaa, ye shab_gaziidaa sahar wo intazaar thaa jis kaa, ye wo sahar to nahii.n ye wo sahar to nahii.n jis kii aarazuu lekar chale the yaar ki mil jaayegii kahii.n na kahii.n falak ke dasht me.n taro.n kii aaKharii ma.nzil kahii.n to hogaa shab-e-sust mauj kaa saahil kahii.n to jaa ke rukegaa safinaa-e-Gam-e-dil jawaa.N lahuu kii pur-asaraar shaaharaaho.n se chale jo yaar to daaman pe kitane haath pa.De dayaar-e-husn kii be-sabr Khwaab-gaaho.n se pukaratii rahii.n baahe.n, badan bulaate rahe bahut aziiz thii lekin ruKh-e-sahar kii lagan bahut qarii.n thaa hasiinaan-e-nuur kaa daaman subuk subuk thii tamannaa, dabii dabii thii thakan sunaa hai ho bhii chukaa hai firaq-e-zulmat-e-nuur sunaa hai ho bhii chukaa hai wisaal-e-ma.nzil-o-gaam badal chukaa hai bahut ahl-e-dard kaa dastuur nishaat-e-wasl halaal-o-azaab-e-hijr-e-haraam jigar kii aag, nazar kii uma.ng, dil kii jalan kisii pe chaaraa-e-hijraa.N kaa kuchh asar hii nahii.n kahaa.N se aaii nigaar-e-sabaa, kidhar ko gaii ...

Couldn't help but remember the poem (by the same name) in the film. It was written by Dilip Chitre. chakravyuh mein ghusne se pehle main kaun tha aur kaisa tha yeh mujhe yaad hi na rahega chakravyuh mein ghusne ke baad mere aur chakravyuh ke beech sirf ek jaanleva nikat-ta thi iska mujhe pata hi na chalega chakravyuh se nikalne ke baad main mukt ho jaoon bhale hi phir bhi chakravyuh ki rachna mein fark hi na padega marun ya maarun maara jaoon ya jaan se maardun iska faisla kabhi na ho paayega soya hua aadmi jab neend se uthkar chalna shuru karta hai tab sapno ka sansar use dobara dikh hi na paayega us roshni mein jo nirnay ki roshni hai sab kuchh samaan hoga kya? ek palde mein napunsakta ek palde mein paurush aur theek taraazu ke kaante par ardh satya

Kaanch ki band khidkiyon ke peeche , tum baithee ho ghut-no main muh chupaye kya hua yadi hamare tumhare beech ek bhi shabd nahin hai. Mujhe jo kehna hai keh jaaonga... yahan, is tarah andekha mera khada hona matr ek gandh ki tarah tumhare bheeter bahar bhar jayega... Kyonki jab ghut-no se sar uthaogi tub bahar meri aakriti nahin yeh dhundhli si shaam aur aanch per jaagi ek dhundhali si bhaap, dekh sakogi jise is andhere main pighla-kar main choudh gaya hoonga -Sarveshwardayal Saxena

Bas ab bujh nahin sakti pyaas... Us dard ka mujhe aaj bhi hai ehsaas... Kabhi mujhse aa ke sapno mein mil... Meri sirf itni sii khwahish... kar do poori... Peenak mein guzarte hain woh mere kuche se... kahaaron ko kandhaa badalne nahin dete (Ghalib)

A you-know-who article... Probably I better be writing for teen magazines on "how to lose a girl?", "how to get out of mess and enter again?" and similar stuff... probably start an agony aunt column... 1.They Two-time & Flirt 2.They Have A Superiority Syndrome 3.They Drink, Smoke And Can't Control Themselves 4.They Scratch Themselves In Public 5.They are overly possesive 6.They Think Complimenting Girls Is A Sin 7.They Lead You On And Then Blame It On Alcohol 8.They Are Sweet Only When They Need Help 9.They Never Make A Commitment 10.They Don't Have To Spend As Much Money As Girls To Look Good 11.They Are Insensitive 12.They Use Foul Language 13.They Think Fighting Shows Their Strength 14.They Never Ask For Directions 15.They Think A Short Temper Is Cool 16.They Can't Get Pregnant 17.They Don't Respect Girls 18.They Ridicule Girls' Choices 19.The Way They Play In The Sun And Get Sweaty 20.They Don't Want To Watch Senti Movies 21.They Don...

Life has this unexpected way of throwing something new to you constantly. What you grab onto is yours to keep. But sometimes however hard you try, you have to let go. You may say it is a loss, but people say that one must look at it this way, your hands are free now to try and catch the next thing that life throws at you. But amongst all this I sometimes lose sight of things that were once dear. Things that were a part of me. Skills that you never lose, things that make you who you are. Stuff that I never thought I could do without. But after a while, they start gnawing at you, constantly reminding you of their presence, demanding attention and time. And most of the times you find yourself relieved that they haven't left you completely. They will remain, no matter what, like your friends, looking out for you, giving an outlet for your thoughts and emotions. Making you complete... still they are neccesary but not sufficient.

I did not sleep a wink last night. And reached cafeteria at 7:30 this morning. Nocturnal ? Yes, but i don't think that's it. Why is it not okay with me that my friend is falling for a guy two years younger than her but it was completely alright with me that another friend was bitching about another friend? Narrow-minded? Maybe not. Conservative? Perhaps. How do you know that its time you finally move on? How?? Why does that hope have to die? Can't we keep hoping....that a miracle might happen? Why have i started liking someone SO much, even though I know nothing much about the person? Why has the person become so dear to me so soon? Officially going insane? Or maybe I'm only human? Once I fall, I fall real hard. How not to? Any preventions? I doubt so. Maybe don't fall at all? Impossible, I think! It's been a while since I got high. Or drunk. "I love you". Its been a while since I have said that to someone. And vice-versa. Isn't it sad when someone...

Fear. Fury. Hope. Hopelessness. Pain. Love. Lust. Some emotions that I can list out. Some emotions that basically govern me all the time. This is not the complete list, neither ordered. It is just a list. No reason why it exists. All I can say that when my mind goes numb with the effort I am putting in, just to cope up with the emotions and sucking up all the knowledge I can, it just needs to pour out. It has not had much of a chance in past few months and though I decided to cut down on posts, even the quality has suffered. All I do is work, stare into walls or sleep... and yes.. participate in class. There are fools who think I do this for some ulterior motive. Something deep down has always kept me that way. People tell me that I emanate bad vibes. Bad vibes indeed. People have told me that the first time they meet me.. they find me uptight, arrogant, a bastard, a no-good. Well that has been true.. I am all that till I become an essential part of your existence. Then you want to mov...