Ahh them.. I love them

Some nine years ago, one of my very close friends asked me, " Why do they ditch? Why do they promise and then their preferences change after sometime, they move away? They come back and say -I feel suffocated by love now, that I want freedom amd you restrict me, but then I do recognize your feelings, promise me you would never leave me, and continue this one-sided affection towards me- only to hear the YES, so they can use another person again as the doormat whenever they want to in their lives?�

Then I did not have any answers to those questions. I understood his pain in asking such questions to me. And that sort of pain could not be minimized through philosophical jargons. I could not even ask him to forget her, I could not ask him not to develop suicidal tendencies, I could not brand him as a coward because his pain could not have been assessed. As a friend I could just give him a patient ear, a shoulder to cry and probably be dogged and determined myself to wipe his tears by spreading some smiles. Sometimes I was even rude to him, but yes it took me long to help him realize that he is too special and important to feel left out by just one woman.

He wasted nearly four years of his beautiful life to gain back his confidence that comes with his family, his academics, and his appearance. He did.

But who would give back those days of tears that he shed for nearly four years? Who would give him back those days where the feeling of being cheated and used put him into a shame at times and angry in some others? Who would give back those times where he kept on justifying to himself that actually he was the one who chose to continue that one-sided relationship of non-committal friendship even when there were words of love exchanged from both sides at a certain time?

I have had many such experiences of offering my shoulders to people. It is just another thing that many of them forgot me, when they became happier but I don't forget anyone with whom I have ever been in some sort of contact.

I have seen most people who don't keep commitments are mostly people who offer the first friendship, who propose love first, who try and be unnecessarily emotionally attached during the first few days of the relationship, and who sell their emotional grief not to share but to use that to gain sympathy. And they come in any sex. It is not a unique attribute in males or females.

For me these attributes make them more disgusting and I feel like spitting on their faces when they say- oh dear let's keep the friendship alive- when most of the times they ditch you, go away and again come back and again go away.

Ditchers are a parasitic sub-set of human beings who destroy the norms of happiness. They don't dignify themselves to be called even animals because they don't have any confidence which even the animals possess.

If you ask any ditcher he or she would tell you things like- he or she was confused, circumstances won over him or her, but these does not stop them from being the biggest cowards and parasitic non-achievers who cling onto people just for their own benefit.

These people give rise of to a long chain of depression. First they come to someone with their bag of depression with the hope of sympathy from the other, then they offer love and hope to get love in return, then when their job is done they go away gifting the depression. Now this sadness of yours get transferred to your family and friends through you who love you and care you. It gives rise to cynicism all around.

The life that ditchers lead can only be termed as attempts to ruin someone else�s life, and I am sure they would not ever be happy, as they have lost the art to make others happy too.

Yes, I get angry at such people and some angers I prefer keeping because I am not a messiah of love who goes about saying �Spread Love�, �Talk Love�! I have seen many of friends, males as well as females, in pain and I have seen the pain affecting me too. And since I respect anyone born as a human being I hate to see humans in pain for someone else's whims.

I would just say to those people who feel sad because of these kinds of people, don't ruin yourselves for such parasites in the name of something as pious of love. If there is love for a certain someone special- there is love for your parents, commitments towards your friends and more than that there are greater commitments towards yourself. Love does not require one to ruin his or her life for someone who can't keep commitments. I somehow believe even if they come back (with the clich'd, this time I am back as your friend!) still they would not keep those commitments- they would just use you, because they know you are genuine but they can't ever be.

If you want to see something positive out of it, then just give yourself a pat on your back for being a person who is much above in every aspect than these sort of people. And trust me, the happiness that you would get would be much much greater than the happiness they can ever attain.

The breed of ditchers don't know what is happiness, as they are shallow and you know what is happiness because you are privileged enough to sustain the depth of feelings.

And the friend of mine still lives with me. He can never leave me. He cannot. He is me.

(With acknowledgements to Tanmoy Chakraborti )