Teens to Toons

It is a torment... it shows me all my faults... I am really bad at working in groups... ultimately I have to take charge and get the work done.. why am I unable to do the work in a manner that is acceptable to all.. Somehow people have these problems with working in groups.. and my attitude makes it a bit tougher on all of us... So I got to analyze a bit more after this semester and become more acceptable...

It's my marriage... Can anything be funnier... but no it's kind of ugly..and pathetic. I hardly know the people... I am meeting the people for the first time, just before the marriage and that is kind of unsettling... I mean.. I would want to know a lot about people I am going to become a part of... and such dark thoughts make me squirm... and then it's 25th Nov... I am so drunk that I can't stand straight... That was the only day, when I bunked office... Dad had called and it was close to noon... and I somehow answered and then he put the phone into the hands of my cousin... she was the one getting married... and I dunno why.. but I asked her ... why are you getting married... and well, isn't that silly... I would never have been able to answer that one... Even when I am married... or dying.. and she in her picture perfect, angelic voice said, "because everybody does and I think I kind of like him." I know it ain't good enuf reason.. but yet.. she is ...

I am the lowest of all life forms. BUT... I have not succumbed to pity and groveling. I am confused. I am angry. I am a bit amused as well. If people back home knew, what they call me here... they had laugh themselves to death. Especially Mom... Especially Sis... Especially Dad... But somebody is surely going to get hurt, if this continues. The music will be played. I hardly remember someone calling those ten-pointers maggus... They did it, because they could... and the sloggers were the maggus... probably people have not had those kind of out of body, out of mind experiences... The place is all but bearable... It's just okay... But I am living it out. Lack of friends is okay as well... I had just continue with poetry and some crazy ideation... I had as well start exercising again... Maybe I start studying again... And I have to be smart enough not to be a moron...

Applied mathematicians studying dating is about as likely to deliver credible results as gorillas solving quadratic equations. That's what I conclude at least after reading about this mathematical model created by researchers at University College London to explore the role of gift-giving in courtship. A team of applied mathematicians created a sequential calculation as a model of dating... The researchers assigned points to an array of courtship behaviors, including gift-giving. The computer considered the hypothetical facts, mulled over a few variables and calculated which behaviors would result in the highest score for the imaginary male or female dater. The researchers varied the type of gift the man could give. (Political correctness aside, it was a given that the man was the pursuer and gift-giver.) So you had a choice of worthless, valuable or extravagant gifts. Valuable gifts = diamonds for example. Items with usefulness or resale value Extravagant gifts = dinner at a fancy...

These days I react... Probably I am short on patience.. or else I have to do something... but I react... I am short on temper.. I take things out on me.. this is unlike me... I had been patient... I can wait and take out all the torture of playing the waiting game... but not any more... I have to relearn to do that... Just what Yoda said... I have to train myself to let go of the fear of losing the things I want and desire... Act.. Act... Act normally...

I can stand despair... but hope... I can't stand hope.... A laughable dimwit... A morning snore.... A brash kindergarten kid... Nope... they ain't name of albums... They are names of professors I have... How can they be so tiring... I have this desire for knowledge and I have taken the worst sounding profs with desire... with willingness and obedience... but this one takes the cake... they are a crime and crime it is... And guess what I am going to commit this...

For the past few days... I feel like I am divorced... I was intimidated and I was feeling low... How much time is it gonna take me get over you...

Another three days in pain and fever and delirium.. I like these days.. howsoever painful they might be.. I still have not recorded the one thing I have wanted to for a long long time... Anyhow... I have felt unwanted and uncared for... steely resolve to get my due before departing... Economics calls for some serious work... and I hate the undecided and uncommitted... They are a part of me as well.. This then is the humanity to which we belong, with no hope of being able to break from it. Our fellow beings are our enemies, our own brothers are our executioners; we can disown them, we can reject them, but they resemble us insofar as there is hardly any way to distinguish them from us. Except primarily through our words, but above all through our actions. Every cough is a cry to forgiveness and every tear is a dream gone wrong.

People who suffer from inability to express their emotions and understanding the emotions of others. They rarely cry and are often seen by others as bland and cold... Their own feelings make them uncomfortable and they are unable to discriminate between their emotions. In addition, they are at complete loss to understand what others around them feel. They are not well suited to sales and managerial positions. But they might be effective performers. for instance, in a job writing program code or in any work that is confined exclusively to computer interaction... Isn't this a bit of me... Lemme see...

FOUR NAMES YOU GO BY: - Shoonya - Shoonya - Shoonya - Shoonya (I knew this was a trick question) THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: - My Humor(It sucks!:P). - My perseverance - My ability to be infatuated THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: - My face. - My weight - My feet THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: - Humour. - Unconditional love. - Objectivity. THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: - Future - Past - A loveless existence. THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: - Thinking about you - Listening to music - A creative idea a day THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: - Cigarillo . - A chain. - A brain-wracking expression (this meme isn't easy!) THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: - Compatability - Humour (lots and lots of bad) - Trust TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order): - I feel no pain - I am a great cook - I wish I was moneyed THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: - Back - Butt:P - Breasts THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO ...

It is a kind of solution when I say I want to move on. The funny part is that I realize that I am the problem. Yesterday I saw a wonderful piece of videography by IITK juniors. I always thought of how I could make a movie about how classes start in the morning.. the various kind of approaches that people take.. the early risers, the moderates and the lasts... Funnily I never got the drive to do it. Now I think, if somebody had asked me what IITK gave to me, I would have brushed them off. Probably the only advice I would have for them would have been 1. Make your own original mistakes and do not follow any path laid out for you.. 2. Never lose you originality and creativity, save them, support them and be alive always.