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Ahh reality

Some thoughts come back. I always knew that I ws going to be disliked. I knew it when I was born again...
It is kind of rude awakening. People and feedback. It is definitely my fault. The animal in me is not supposed to come out. It just isn't. Nobody likes an animal. I did not have any misconceptions. I am an easy guy to dislike and I probably, deep inside like it. Dislike is a mild word. It should be HATE.
This time I am not going to fightback. Not this time. Time will come but not this time. I remember IITK when people hated me for all the right reasons and I did not care. I was a nice kid but I had that wild streak in me. Now I am no more nice. I am just wild. Probably I should go back to the jungle and let my wildness come out. I miss dad right now so much, I dunno why.
Life goes on. How can you be what people want. But yes don't be what people don't like. Do that alone. Do it to yourself. Play safe son. We need it right now. The "Shoonya" needs to be normalised. Why do people have so much hate in them. I hardly have time to hate others. I have too much badness in me and I can't help hating myself enough. No probs.
We will play ball... the way people want us to. Isn't that too dramatic.

Now all the things I still want to say. I been alone a lot these days and it is sickening to think of you in my aloneness. I am seeking something which I hardly know about. It does not make sense but it will soon. I will have to fight that desire too...

Mark VI has to arrive soon. He has too. The ground rules have to be laid and they have to followed. The sutta has to go somehow. I don't care how. Life is not about having fun. Time to realise that as well.

I have wondered. I have said that before and it is ... how can a snake avoid being a snake. How can shoonya stop being shoonya...

It's time to make sense.

Probably I am too alone. Probably I need to speak. Probably I need some space and some time. Probably I need to work hard, so that I dunno have time to think much. That is what we did in final year and that is how we can live this life out. I think that would be one hell of a nice time. Just stop that sarcasm and be polite and don't look into people's eyes that way you do...

Just sober up.

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