Teens to Toons

High fever... Endless vomits... Intense pain... and you... That is what makes me endure them with a smile.. I would give anything to be yours forever... Hamse aayaa naa gayaa.. Tumse bulaaya naa gayaa... In my delirium, I can lose all that makes me so tiring and become the nice simple person that you made me.. Was that me.. I can take all the jokes.. all the pain... but you had to be here... I even expected your phone call... isn't that so silly... And people here hate my aggresiveness... my ego.. my attitude and hate me in al possible ways.. isn't that a tribute to my insanity...

A five pronged strategy to change... Reason for change... Need to have higher self esteem. Investing for the future. Areas of Effort (with probable acton items) 1. Be cool always. Be normally emotional. Control anger and fear. Do not impose yourself on people. Make own calculated moves. Think Mikhail Tal. (Think Tal and it would not be tough... Think dad even.. be unflappable... be like dad..) 2. Listen genuinely to people. Look at them normally. Do not stare at them. Start with a smile and a hello. Do not bite people. Nod head when listening. Encourage people to come up with their own ideas. Take the burden if needed. Persist with listening and reason out with people, howsoever frustating. (Think dad in this too... Think didi as well... she makes a good case here... smile a lot.. and not that constipated smile..please) 3. Motivation is not money and pride. It is satisfaction. Rest will follow. Wake up everyday to do something new and worthwhile. Remember fourth year in this aspect. Ex...

Some thoughts come back. I always knew that I ws going to be disliked. I knew it when I was born again... It is kind of rude awakening. People and feedback. It is definitely my fault. The animal in me is not supposed to come out. It just isn't. Nobody likes an animal. I did not have any misconceptions. I am an easy guy to dislike and I probably, deep inside like it. Dislike is a mild word. It should be HATE. This time I am not going to fightback. Not this time. Time will come but not this time. I remember IITK when people hated me for all the right reasons and I did not care. I was a nice kid but I had that wild streak in me. Now I am no more nice. I am just wild. Probably I should go back to the jungle and let my wildness come out. I miss dad right now so much, I dunno why. Life goes on. How can you be what people want. But yes don't be what people don't like. Do that alone. Do it to yourself. Play safe son. We need it right now. The "Shoonya" needs to be normali...

It has been a bit depressing. It has been a bit gloomy. It has been a bit different from what I expected. It is exactly what I feared. I am just another student. I wanted to be a bit higher on the pedestal. After all this is supposed to be a B-school. I thought I would have been able to get rid of all the waste in my head. All the things are still there and worse is the situation that I have no one to talk to. People here are so afraid to do something new. they are new born lambs and they hardly understand what i am trying to tell them. It's as if I am mocking them, which I definitely am not. It is worse to be misunderstood. It was better there. I will make it here somehow but I miss you and I have to tell you this.

The first one in my wing to get married. Congrats. Aseem gets married in two hours and I sit here writing this. Is this the way I claim to be a friend. I guess yes. This is reality of life. One never gets to be where one wants to be. Why is life always unfair in my favor? Look who is talking. I underestimated him. I overestimated myself. And look he is with the one he loves. रफ़्ता-रफ़्ता वो मेरी हस्ती का सामाँ हो गए पहले जाँ, फिर जान-ए-जाँ, फिर जान-ए-जाना हो गए। Congrats all the way. I am jealous and that is praise. I am still all stuffed. I drink to your happiness today.

The Spirit Of Galaxy I am emotional ... somehow I have a feeling that this mail of mine would not be appreciated. But I feel that before passing out (graduating) from this institute, I must try to give back to it, what it gave to me. This mail is about belonging to this place, this place which has been my home. Nothing less and nothing more. I have been very disturbed at the recent developments...but the one event that took something away that was dearest to me was the scrapping of two successive Galaxies. I and a few others were together, a little while ago and nostalgia took hold of us. We recounted all that Galaxy took away from us. The classes we bunked, the grades that fell, to be true, we all suffered. But then It gave us something, that is so great in magnitude, that nothing ... I repeat nothing would be comparable to it. The camaraderie, the team spirit that developed in us, which we felt and still feel, is unbelievably strong. The Galaxy was one event which brought people out ...

Alice came to a fork in the road. "which road do I take" she asked. "where do you want to go" responded Cheshire cat. "I don't know." Alice answered. "Then,"said the cat, "it does not matter".

Chapter 1 Simon Says Are you a nerd? The self-knowledge of being a nerd is perhaps as important as learning to interact with the society at large. Perhaps that is half the marathon run. Were you "smart"at school and college? Were you popular? Being "smart" at school was not a big deal. There were things that counted for much more than being "smart" like physical apppearance, athletic ability etc. Most "smart" kids would want to be popular but it takes effort to do that. There is an inverse relationship in being smart and being popular. It takes effort to be popular just as it takes effort to be smart. So let me define a "nerd". A nerd is someone who isn't socially adept, in general, and is great at technical skills. Why does it matter to us if someone is socially "gauche". At an "individual" level, it would be fine to be socially "uncool" because what one does at a personal level does not affect the soc...

People "demand" things from me that are either trivial or just absurd or plain impossible. Either it's me who is not in the coherent state to be able to classify them as other kinds... But to me, they belong to one of these categories. Organizational Behavior is a course... That was a surprise. Now I will have to "manufacture" the right and the correct answers to shield my misfit type. I had do this willingly because ethics is a part of this course and so is the manager's dilemma of getting the thing done. It's kind of interesting in the sense that it clearly elucidates my mistakes in the past. I can see them as a pattern emerging from my being a misfit. Anyhow I just plan to get going and make most of it, while it lasts...

Why do I have to run away when people confront me? Yesterday DG went to the extent of saying that my "blogging" has turned very selfish in a way that I always write about "me". I would not call it confusion neither selfishness. I would just call it a need. A need because I need to discuss myself with someone and I am short of people on that aspect. Infact most things that I had like to do, I would have to do alone. My communication with people is limited to most trivial things. It is mostly me with myself. what can I do if I wanted to shout out and want everyone to listen to what I say? Forget that. So what can i do if I would have wanted to write the way I wrote in the beginning. Lots of things. Spend a lot of time in bed, thinking!!! Moreover I would have to also make sure of some idea-searching and incorporating some soul-searching. And the worst part is that all of them are just theories. And right now theories to me, are absurd. They don't work. They just e...

Life goes on. That is all that matters. No need to suspend life for anything. Life matters when you are alive and live it while you can. In fact, all the time you waste it while sleeping, you can make a mistake while awake. So sleep and make mistakes. That is all life is all about. It is all about "al the almost" things in life. Need to meet the gods and goddesses. I don't think I am going to make many friends in this place. it does not matter after all.