It's a rather personal thing.
My family is an extended one. I have always felt that I have never recieved the appreciation that I deserve for all my small accomplishments from my dad. I love my Dad. But inspite of my "good" performances all my career, educationwise, sportswise, otherwise - dad never ever gave me the kind of appreciation that I have hungered for. My dad on such occasions always goes on a trip, talking about his younger brother, my chacha. He is also from IITK. A brilliant student althrough. A gold-medalist, a topper, a person who went on a full scholarship to London to do his MBA in 1978. He wrote his thesis by hand as he did not have enough money to get it typed and was awarded the best. One day he just shrank. My father always thought of his brother as the chosen one and he ended up as "nothing". He retired on a VRS with almost nothing to his name.
So whenever it comes to talking of deeds and potential, my father goes on one of those trips. And I have always hated it, because it usually comes at my expense. This time I went ballistic. I asked dad about all those times when he under-rated me, berated me infact. As a kid, I always had one of those complexes.
This one outburst of mine came at a time when I was contemplating the start-up. I always wanted my Dad to appreciate the fact that I was getting better and conquering my fears. And he went on that trip. I just could not hold it back. I have never been loud in front of Dad. That is kind of a family I come from.
So Dad got very nearly teary eyed. He told me of all things he wanted for his brother and how he was always let-down. He told me of how Chacha dulled inexplicably. No reasons whatsoever. The shoulders stooped, the confidence gone, nothing remained of his brother and he has seen him for the past 25 years like this. He told me of how he thinks that his brother has been a victim of "tonaa-totkaa". Now I had never heard anything like that ever, so absurd ever in my entire life in my family. Coming from my Dad, I was astounded, I was shell-shocked. For the first time I ever, I understood the trauma my Dad goes through. He says that there is no way a person can so drastically alter. He says that ever since that day, Chacha has never talked to hi, looking into his eyes, always avoiding him. Everybody has memories of Chacha being vibrant, talkative fellow and I have never seen anything ever like that in him. In the past two years, three different people, who practise this "tonaa-totkaa" thing and arewidely revered, have told Dad (by looking at Chacha's horoscope) that he is affected by someone. My Dad firmly believes in it now. He has incidents to quote and lots of similar incidents as well. Coming from Dad, it was unbelievable. He is a much more staunch rationally stable person that I am and I am too damn headstrong. I inherit that from him. All my bitterness left me.
I do not know whether Dad is right or wrong. It does not matter. It seriously does not matter. What matters is the unconditional love, he has for his brother. I had tears in my eyes and I just held them back. I so very wanted to give Dad a bearhug, but we are too sober for an emotional display. I just hope Chacha gets back to normal, just for Dad. Just for Dad.
Because whatever I might do, will never equal Chacha's thing. I just don't stand a chance. I hope I do my Dad proud and never let him down for all the support he has been to me and he is the world to me. ( I remember standing on Howrah station as a 16 year old waiting to go to IITK and Dad said to me, "Son, whatever happens in the world to you, you must always know that there are two people(Mom and Dad) who will always unconditionally accept you come what may."
I never feared for anything in life after that. The world has been a funny journey ever after.
Dad is dad is dad.
My family is an extended one. I have always felt that I have never recieved the appreciation that I deserve for all my small accomplishments from my dad. I love my Dad. But inspite of my "good" performances all my career, educationwise, sportswise, otherwise - dad never ever gave me the kind of appreciation that I have hungered for. My dad on such occasions always goes on a trip, talking about his younger brother, my chacha. He is also from IITK. A brilliant student althrough. A gold-medalist, a topper, a person who went on a full scholarship to London to do his MBA in 1978. He wrote his thesis by hand as he did not have enough money to get it typed and was awarded the best. One day he just shrank. My father always thought of his brother as the chosen one and he ended up as "nothing". He retired on a VRS with almost nothing to his name.
So whenever it comes to talking of deeds and potential, my father goes on one of those trips. And I have always hated it, because it usually comes at my expense. This time I went ballistic. I asked dad about all those times when he under-rated me, berated me infact. As a kid, I always had one of those complexes.
This one outburst of mine came at a time when I was contemplating the start-up. I always wanted my Dad to appreciate the fact that I was getting better and conquering my fears. And he went on that trip. I just could not hold it back. I have never been loud in front of Dad. That is kind of a family I come from.
So Dad got very nearly teary eyed. He told me of all things he wanted for his brother and how he was always let-down. He told me of how Chacha dulled inexplicably. No reasons whatsoever. The shoulders stooped, the confidence gone, nothing remained of his brother and he has seen him for the past 25 years like this. He told me of how he thinks that his brother has been a victim of "tonaa-totkaa". Now I had never heard anything like that ever, so absurd ever in my entire life in my family. Coming from my Dad, I was astounded, I was shell-shocked. For the first time I ever, I understood the trauma my Dad goes through. He says that there is no way a person can so drastically alter. He says that ever since that day, Chacha has never talked to hi, looking into his eyes, always avoiding him. Everybody has memories of Chacha being vibrant, talkative fellow and I have never seen anything ever like that in him. In the past two years, three different people, who practise this "tonaa-totkaa" thing and arewidely revered, have told Dad (by looking at Chacha's horoscope) that he is affected by someone. My Dad firmly believes in it now. He has incidents to quote and lots of similar incidents as well. Coming from Dad, it was unbelievable. He is a much more staunch rationally stable person that I am and I am too damn headstrong. I inherit that from him. All my bitterness left me.
I do not know whether Dad is right or wrong. It does not matter. It seriously does not matter. What matters is the unconditional love, he has for his brother. I had tears in my eyes and I just held them back. I so very wanted to give Dad a bearhug, but we are too sober for an emotional display. I just hope Chacha gets back to normal, just for Dad. Just for Dad.
Because whatever I might do, will never equal Chacha's thing. I just don't stand a chance. I hope I do my Dad proud and never let him down for all the support he has been to me and he is the world to me. ( I remember standing on Howrah station as a 16 year old waiting to go to IITK and Dad said to me, "Son, whatever happens in the world to you, you must always know that there are two people(Mom and Dad) who will always unconditionally accept you come what may."
I never feared for anything in life after that. The world has been a funny journey ever after.
Dad is dad is dad.
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