Teens to Toons

I meet someone new.... I notice the face... I meet someone I know... I notice the face... I meet someone when I look in the mirror... I notice the face... Those lines... those scars... laughlines, dimples, eyes (reds, pinks, yellows, whites and advanced whites), lips, nose, brows, ears and so much more... The faces tell them all... Can faces lie? I got this mail... from an old friend... and yes, I could feel a change... the words after all determine a person... So I being rude like I am always... asked what has caused the change and who is the person responsible... and this prompted an amazingly acidic reply.... Quoting... Tumhaare khat mein nayaa ek salaam kiskaa thaa Naa thaa rakeeb to aakhir woh naam kiskaa thaa Rah'aa naa dil mein woh bedard, aur dard rahaa I went back home and noticed my face... after a long long time... I noticed how time is wearing me... I know that with an attitude like mine... I am going to suffer and it is going to be a long one... ...

(My first ever pilfered blog entry... Reason.. I had no better words for the same experience ) A woman calls, out of the blue. Asks a bunch of very personal questions… her reasoning? She has a daughter of “marriageable age”. How do you look? What kind of a person are you? How much do you earn? Are you religious? How long is your hair? How are you usually dressed? What do you do for killing time? Why do you cycle? How are your domestic skills? How close are you to your relatives? … It all sounds funny if I repeat it to friends. I will laugh, they will laugh and we would get back to work. But it would continue to prey on my mind. Somewhere down the lane, I have got used to being checked out in get togethers. I have got used to whispered gestures and speaking to strangers on the phone. I have got used to being polite to the rudest enquiries. Am I just another one in the market? Am I the same person I used to be? 23 and Single !!!! High earning snot-nosed SOB w...

That prayers don't guarantee miracles,but they still heal and keep me hopeful. That there is no shame in tears,but I would not want the world to see my vulnerabilities. That sometimes being alone helps me disentangle my own redundancies and intricacies,but I secretly wish there was a shoulder I could lean on. That every emotion does not need words for expression,I can feel someone's care through their eyes. That eyes speak volumes,I can estimate perfectly the truth not spoken. That children who grow up feeling need for love, once out of home, hurt themselves many times in the process. That a lesson will be repeated again,till I have learnt it well enough.

"Because... denial , anger , bargaining and depression are the first four stages of grief. Acceptance being the final one." Left or Right? I feel as if I always have a choice for my journey. Both will take me somewhere but it all depends how I feel at that moment. The "Right Path" is the normal, I am STRONG and INDEPENDENT so get lost I don't need you kinda pathway. I see many people, waiting for buses... buying food... screaming at their children...couples holding hands... life goes on. The path I prefer the "Left alone Path" when I just wanna be myself and reflect on what happened, happens, happening. Dilemmas I'm facing and how I plan to solve it and how I wish I can walk that pathway... throw myself onto the grass and refuse to budge... and play a drama queen. Desperation? In having to climb each peak by myself, maybe I just wanna pity myself. Ahh... that's called Self Pity. I'll get out of that very soon. Really. Give me some money an...

The three glorious days of first vacation since I joined here have come to an end (some more to come). Physical/mental assessment of yours truly: - can't eat - can't sleep - too unreal - experiencing abnormal levels of energy - chewing far too much gum as result of aforementioned energy - just crazy about my friends. Yesterday, was overwhelmed by just how much they make me, me. I jumped into a pool of freezing water for the Bath at that temple. And they all joined me with the loin cloth and that was cold and funny. when we came out of the water, it was like standing in naked, but what hindus would not for Gods, I went all religious ;). Goosebumps all over my body, red eyes, teeth rattling, body trembling, and words pouring out. My heart just about exploded right there. - friends, extended family members have helped greatly. Whenever I can, i reflect on how lucky i am to have this many people offering their help. it's the best I could dream of. working with people ...

"God is a concept by which we measure our pain." --John Lennon And if I don't have a god, does that mean I have no pain.. or that I have crossed the threshold of pain... I don't want to sound too sad... I am not... I am doing just fine... I have all things I need to survive and am striving for all those materialistic comforts... I just wish I never settle down till I want to write and I continue to live with my passions... Pain and me... we have a lot in common....

Faith is a process of leaping into the abyss not on the basis of any certainty about where we shall land, but rather on the belief that we shall land. - Carter Heyward Now I can't have that much faith... that's asking too much from me... I am not that good neither am I that innocent... They say " Faith is a firm belief in something for which there is no proof. Love may exist for me, but for someone who doesn't have love in their life, there's little I, or anyone else, can offer to assure them that it exists." The boundless beauty and inspiration in my life, which I've come to know as love, is worth every sacrifice; every dark path navigated; every heartache endured. For nothing else I've experienced nor dared dream can compare. I say to myself aloud in my solitude "Have faith". Faith? "what have I done" ... or rather "what I have done"? I have sacrificed a lot of what made me "me"... for what? I have sa...