I am sober. Naah. I mean I am much more sober than I was, say a year ago. I am less wild. I am more considerate. I am far more agreeable. I smile while I speak. I make friends. I am becoming a commoner. My life has been like a Himalayan river. I began slowly silently from drops to a glacier and then to tiny rivulets to reach amazing speed and ferocity. All this till now and it seems like I have reach the plains. My life is "plaining" out.
A quarter of a century trying to find myself. And now I think have and I'm bored.
I have it all - a well paying interesting job in a reputable company where I will probably do well, loving parents, a fun sister, friends, good health and just about everything anyone could reasonably ask for. I could but I would not.
But I want more only from myself. I want to work harder, better. I want me to better myself at every stage. I want to feel the tension grip me, the cold perspiration sodding my shirt. I want it in much much more intensity.
It's almost like I need drama in my life to make it interesting. Like a normal life isn't worth it.
I was electric when I was younger. One crush after another. Moving to new schools, job interviews, exams, practical jokes, whimsical days where I just did bizarre things. I was quirky, funny and exciting. But now I see my days stretching out before me... travel in the mornings, work till evenings, return late evenings, dinnner and then to bed. I've become a lot quieter now that I've started work. Each year I'll get a little older.
The regularity of domestication scares me and the thought of doing the same job for so long intimidates me.
I've needed change in my life to keep me stable. Bizarre but true. And I stand here and I look to the sky and I long for the days that I would jump off just to see if I could fly.
Somewhere along the way I will loose my originality. And reading my old handwritten journals last night reminded me of how I used to be.
Can I be me again?
A quarter of a century trying to find myself. And now I think have and I'm bored.
I have it all - a well paying interesting job in a reputable company where I will probably do well, loving parents, a fun sister, friends, good health and just about everything anyone could reasonably ask for. I could but I would not.
But I want more only from myself. I want to work harder, better. I want me to better myself at every stage. I want to feel the tension grip me, the cold perspiration sodding my shirt. I want it in much much more intensity.
It's almost like I need drama in my life to make it interesting. Like a normal life isn't worth it.
I was electric when I was younger. One crush after another. Moving to new schools, job interviews, exams, practical jokes, whimsical days where I just did bizarre things. I was quirky, funny and exciting. But now I see my days stretching out before me... travel in the mornings, work till evenings, return late evenings, dinnner and then to bed. I've become a lot quieter now that I've started work. Each year I'll get a little older.
The regularity of domestication scares me and the thought of doing the same job for so long intimidates me.
I've needed change in my life to keep me stable. Bizarre but true. And I stand here and I look to the sky and I long for the days that I would jump off just to see if I could fly.
Somewhere along the way I will loose my originality. And reading my old handwritten journals last night reminded me of how I used to be.
Can I be me again?
Comments