I have often believed that life is about moments.
Moments that have defined us, our way of life, our life... in totality.
Sometimes I even have this defining sense of the absurdity that pervades my world.
Two years and a day to this day... I changed. It was like the changing of a course by a river. It was akin to tectonic shifting of the plates beneath.
The day she just went away. I still remember it crystal. I remember it like no other thing in my life. The pain that engulfed me, dulled my senses, lowered me into a state of constant irritation, pain and anger. I was pulled into the abyss of irrationality. I promised myself and repromised, but to no avail.
She was to me, a lot more than I gave her credit for, and certainly far far more than what she thought. In a certain sense, she was more to me than me myself. Somehow I think I had never been able to express that. I still can't. I take people who I take to, I consider them mine, thus regardless of them needing emotional support, I just take them for granted. I just let them be there for me. I become selfish and selfless at the same time. Maybe this is just an excuse, maybe I am lying but that is what I feel.
In a life where I thought I would not encounter much pain, for the simple reason that I have logic on my side, I have suffered. This was inevitable in retrospect. Taking people for granted is definitely not the way to do it.
Have to end it here... cannot take it anymore...
Laterz
Moments that have defined us, our way of life, our life... in totality.
Sometimes I even have this defining sense of the absurdity that pervades my world.
Two years and a day to this day... I changed. It was like the changing of a course by a river. It was akin to tectonic shifting of the plates beneath.
The day she just went away. I still remember it crystal. I remember it like no other thing in my life. The pain that engulfed me, dulled my senses, lowered me into a state of constant irritation, pain and anger. I was pulled into the abyss of irrationality. I promised myself and repromised, but to no avail.
She was to me, a lot more than I gave her credit for, and certainly far far more than what she thought. In a certain sense, she was more to me than me myself. Somehow I think I had never been able to express that. I still can't. I take people who I take to, I consider them mine, thus regardless of them needing emotional support, I just take them for granted. I just let them be there for me. I become selfish and selfless at the same time. Maybe this is just an excuse, maybe I am lying but that is what I feel.
In a life where I thought I would not encounter much pain, for the simple reason that I have logic on my side, I have suffered. This was inevitable in retrospect. Taking people for granted is definitely not the way to do it.
Have to end it here... cannot take it anymore...
Laterz
Comments