Teens to Toons

Life is too short - Scorpions Have you ever seen the morning? When the sun comes up the shore And the silence teach the beauty for the sound Have you ever sat there waiting? For the time to stand still For all the worlds and stars From turning around And you run ’cause life is too short Tomorrow I will watch the morning sun shine and I will rise to be resurrected (metaphorically)... People mail me and say they don't want to talk to me... ahh... I am tired of what people want... I am tired of all those desires and wants.. why can't it be simple... I desire to be simpler... another desire.... I should keep lesser expectations from self and yet I expect this. I am a contradiction and I am trying to resolve.. In words, I am fighting it out and not taking anything lying down... Himmat-e-marda madad-e-khudaa

another year gone waste... man, do u realise that... Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time. Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desperation is this techie's way The time is gone, the song is over, Thought I'd something more to say. ( borrowed from mr.waters )

If I ever wanted to be a poet, these are the lines I wanted to write. If I ever wanted to be a singer, I would have wanted to sing like this. If I ever wanted to be a musician, I would want this effect in my music. If I ever wanted to be a cinematographer, I would have wanted this feel. If I ever wanted to be a lover, I would want this intensity. The Favorite Song Posted by Hello

A night... cold and clear... makes my mind work and from all the haze I could see the beauty of cold logic that I could crystallize. Of all the things in the world, I wanted someone to answer my doubts on my abilities and wants and needs and desires. whoa! when I let her go, why do I want her back. why do I want her to be there for me. why do I expect. and lots of similar stuff which does not sound normal and reasonable, but these ail me, constantly nagging me, as i push my tail between my legs and my head into the hole like the ostrich. For once, I was tired again. So what did I crystallize that made me so clear of what I need to think when I think this and that. that is the best part. I was seeing this third rate C grade english flick, which had nothing I would call watchable and there was this dialogue on "what does one say to people who have answers to everything". I saw this guy tell the other.. you have bullshit answers to all the questions other put to you but I as...

Another twist to the tale... Another gimmick offered by life... Now it's a battle for three months, ramping up things that have been left dangling... Clearly life asks for more than what I have to offer. Have been impressed by Malcolm Gladwell and his articles in the New Yorker. That is what journalism is all about. That is how I should have been. It is not a comment on Have's and Have Not's. It is a question of will and I have to get the will back. Zindagi yun huee basar tanha, Qaafila saath aur safar tanha, Apne saaye se chaunk jaate hain, Umr guzari is kadar tanha. Raat bhar bolte hain sannaate, Raat kaati koi kidhar tanha, Din guzartaa nahin logon mein, Raat hoti nahin basar tanha. I have to get back to the faster lane and I will do it, come what may. I realize that I need to gear up and get all that I deserve to. A toast to things that are to come.

"Sometimes ... when you stand face to face with someone, you cannot see their faces." That is what happened to me, when I saw myself in the mirror. It was totally steaming in the bathroom and I was expecting to see my face with a smile because I had made an effort with my facial muscles and gotten them in a grinning position. And I got to see nothing because it was all steamed and then I wrote your name on it with my finger and all I could see were two eyes and the greyed hollowed eyes... tired eyes... sore eyes... eyes with anguish. I could not lie to myself and that was the truth. It has been a bad time ever since you moved on, leaving me no hope and no chance. But I think you did well... I slept through the weekend and life seems a beautiful thing today. The IBM machines are not a delight to work on. They make too much noise and I hate their displays. but their configs are good. I would have loved them more, had you been here. I was talking to a colleague of mine and he ...

As I cough and make others look at me, I feel mad at myself from having gotten up from the bed. It has been one of those wonderful moments in my life when I could think and do as I please. As I got delirious and in my delirium, did what I did not even in my dreams, I called out to you, I touched you and I made you mine, over and over, time and again. That was what I should have been doing. Itane mas-ruf the ham jaane kii taiyaarii mein khade the tum aur tumhein dekhne kaa waqt na thaa. Two days of intense fever and quite a few vomits, I am cleansed (hopefully) of whatever I owe you. I took it in the right manner and I took it in the right spirit. who better than Hemingway and Gunther Grass to keep me company. Now that you have gone, never to come back again, Do not come back. ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhaane ke liye aa aa phir se mujhe chhod ke jaane ke liye aa pahale se maraasim na sahi phir bhi kabhi to rasm-o-rahe duniyaa hi niibhaane ke liye aa kis kis ko bataaye...

I was thinking of putting up my new piece... It was one of those things which would have given an idea of how radically different I could think... but it was not to be. An old acquaintance.. a friend back from the dead... A person who never mailed me first... it was always me who was expected to take the initiative... No. I am being harsh. She must have talked to me on her own on several occasions. Infact, it was 8th Jan 2002 when someone contacted me at 5:30 in the morning, waking me from the trance I was in, reading some stupid computer thing. The "netsend" asked for something called Aspen. I was hardly the person anyone would ever have asked for such a thing. With no deception, the messages told me the truth and I was surprised. Things happened and they were good, for I was in a transition then. Things came to a jam for no fault of mine and I did not even bother patching up. I thought that would show me as vulnerable. I was a kid then and am a kid now. I learn and learn...

I state this and I stand by these words of mine. Anything, nothing can change this... I will live a life as I choose to... I might regret my choices and I might hate myself for them, but that is how I choose to be and that is how it is going to be... yeh naa thii hamaari kismet ki visaal-e-yaar hotaa, agar aur jeete rehte, yehi intezaar hotaa, kahoon kisse mey ki kyaa hai, shab-e-gham buree balaa hai, mujhe kyaa buraa thaa marnaa. agar ek baar hotaa There are times in one's life, when it is necessary to decide and I did. I am looking forward to things in future and I am hopeful...

Chaand ke saath kai dard puraane nikale... kitne gham they, jo tere gham ke bahaane nikale... Ab to rotaa bhi hoon to tasalli nahin hoti... Kitnaa ro doon ki tum yaad naa aao... Kitne saalon baad nikale hain yeh aansoo daaman bhigone... aur ab jab nikale hain to zaalim rukte hi nahin... You are the world to me... and as I say this.. I feel the torment which I always imagined as the greatest pain... Now I am too tired... I have aged in last five days and I feel tears welling up inside me... I have been a rock and now I am nothing... that is what you were to me... Somerset wrote once, "There is no cruelty greater than a woman's to a man who loved her and whom, she does not love anymore. She has no kindness then, no tolerance even. She has only an insane irritation." Can you not be cruel to me... You have treated me with more affection that I ever deserved... Please make me mad at you... Make me feel ill and make me feel bad... so that I can get over you... I...

I read this article some years back... Am analysing how close to this crisis am I... ---------------- BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. (Never been so) You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. (True.. Am feeling it all the time) You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. (Very True... Personally this matters). What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and that they aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are just as confused as you. (True) ...

Times have called for it. I'm finished with lots of things. It sounds like a line from a song, but this has been painful. The lesson learnt here isn't about letting go, but the process of letting go. I've gotten and given a lot of advice during the past few years, from counselors, friends, strangers, all telling me how to get beyond a bad situation. The problem was, getting into the bad situation was a shared experience, and getting out of it was a solo experience. It's interesting how you can care about someone, even after you see them at their absolute worst, and even after you realize, no matter how much you care about them, they don't care about themselves. I smile as I write this. I am thinking of me. I am ashamed of myself. justuju jiski thii usko to naa paaya hamne, is bahaane se magar, dekh lii duniya hamne, tujhko ruswaa naa kiyaa, khud bhi pashemaa naa huey, ishq ki rasm ko, is tarah nibhaaya hamne. It took me years to realize the pain i...

Ghazal in short, is a collection of Sher's which follow the rules of 'Matla', 'Maqta', 'Beher', 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif'. So to know what Ghazal is, it's necessary to know what these terms mean. To understand these terms easily , we will take an example. 1. koi ummid bar nahin aati koi surat nazar nahin aati 2. aage aati thi haale dil par hasi ab kisi baat par nahin aati 3. hum wahan hain, jahan se humko bhi kucch hamaari khabar nahin aati 4. kaabaa kis muh se jaaoge 'Ghalib' sharm tumko magar nahin aati What is a Sher ? It's a poem of two lines. This definition is deceptively simple. Please note that, every Sher is a poem in itself! A Sher does not need, anything around it, to convey the message. All the 4 stanzas in our example are independent poems, Sher's. So Ghazal is necessarily a collection o...

Sometimes when I feel people... I feel a deep sense of fear of rejection and futility. Sometimes, even I feel so. The basis of this feeling is that all mortals have a sense of urgency to achieve their goals and their dreams... If one day this turns out to be just a sham... at least I would be heart-broken. I do not feel that people are afraid of death.. Death is surely not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are. I think I try to be strong in a sense. Everytime I am afraid, I stop to look fear in the face. I gain strength, courage, and confidence by doing this. I believe that I must do the thing which I think I cannot do. This is a pretty "great" statement. Usually the things I do or plan to, have been done by others. So the solace is that another person has been able to do it, so why not me? And forget not what Anne Frank wrote... "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely...

What Women Want : To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the Indo-Pak cricket match. What Women Do : The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him. What Men Want : Some great sex and no responsibility. What Women Cannot : A Woman is not born: she is made. In the making, her humanity is destroyed. She becomes symbol of this, symbol of that: mother of the earth, slut of the universe; but she never becomes herself because it is forbidden for her to do so. What Men Cannot : Give birth to a child and Satsify a woman so completely that she can be happy. What Women Think : The real thinking of woman is pre-eminently practical and applied. It is something we describe as sound common sense, and is usually directed to what is close at hand and personal. In general, it can be said that feminine mentality manifests an und...

that I have mellowed down. that I have lost the essential thing that made me me. that I have changed. that I cannot be selfless. that I cannot lie and cheat. that I do not know how to say the things on my mind. that I know not how to exchange pleasantries. that I have given in to pleasures of life. that I have tried and failed not many times. that life still has a few lessons to teach me. that I need to cry my eyes out. that they are ashamed of me. that they sometimes hate me enough to love me. that I still need to sort my past out. that I need to speak my mind out to them. that I need to think more and make my decisions accordingly. that I can still be childlike and talk to them about my loves and lives. that I ought to write more and give up on this job. that I should learn to love myself unconditionally. that I should try to be more "normal". that I should spend more of my money. that I should learn to make more inspired moves towards the fairer sex.

There is some charm being alone. I am seeking it. I am trying to live with the person I am. I want to be able to bear myself. I am so tired of the way I am that I constantly make efforts to improve my attitude, but to no avail. A lone figure looks out into the moonlit night across the endless human habitations. The mind in a state of deep reflection as the chill bite of the winds caress his hair and ears in a cold steely embrace. His life has been one of anguish from the loss of all he held dear,and deep inside, he knows he, himself, was responsible for his misery. A mind shattered and alone. Existing in a limbo of the rogue's life, fueled by the fires of insanity raging within. When can he find time for himself to heal? Last night, he lay near death. Once again, his own arrogance caught up with him and demanded penance. He would soon face the fate of his own unless change happened. Now his rage tempered as he realized something, that every one is outraged and afraid as they...

I meet someone new.... I notice the face... I meet someone I know... I notice the face... I meet someone when I look in the mirror... I notice the face... Those lines... those scars... laughlines, dimples, eyes (reds, pinks, yellows, whites and advanced whites), lips, nose, brows, ears and so much more... The faces tell them all... Can faces lie? I got this mail... from an old friend... and yes, I could feel a change... the words after all determine a person... So I being rude like I am always... asked what has caused the change and who is the person responsible... and this prompted an amazingly acidic reply.... Quoting... Tumhaare khat mein nayaa ek salaam kiskaa thaa Naa thaa rakeeb to aakhir woh naam kiskaa thaa Rah'aa naa dil mein woh bedard, aur dard rahaa I went back home and noticed my face... after a long long time... I noticed how time is wearing me... I know that with an attitude like mine... I am going to suffer and it is going to be a long one... ...

(My first ever pilfered blog entry... Reason.. I had no better words for the same experience ) A woman calls, out of the blue. Asks a bunch of very personal questions… her reasoning? She has a daughter of “marriageable age”. How do you look? What kind of a person are you? How much do you earn? Are you religious? How long is your hair? How are you usually dressed? What do you do for killing time? Why do you cycle? How are your domestic skills? How close are you to your relatives? … It all sounds funny if I repeat it to friends. I will laugh, they will laugh and we would get back to work. But it would continue to prey on my mind. Somewhere down the lane, I have got used to being checked out in get togethers. I have got used to whispered gestures and speaking to strangers on the phone. I have got used to being polite to the rudest enquiries. Am I just another one in the market? Am I the same person I used to be? 23 and Single !!!! High earning snot-nosed SOB w...

That prayers don't guarantee miracles,but they still heal and keep me hopeful. That there is no shame in tears,but I would not want the world to see my vulnerabilities. That sometimes being alone helps me disentangle my own redundancies and intricacies,but I secretly wish there was a shoulder I could lean on. That every emotion does not need words for expression,I can feel someone's care through their eyes. That eyes speak volumes,I can estimate perfectly the truth not spoken. That children who grow up feeling need for love, once out of home, hurt themselves many times in the process. That a lesson will be repeated again,till I have learnt it well enough.