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A time not too far away

Fear. Fury. Hope. Hopelessness. Pain. Love. Lust.

Some emotions that I can list out. Some emotions that basically govern me all the time. This is not the complete list, neither ordered. It is just a list. No reason why it exists. All I can say that when my mind goes numb with the effort I am putting in, just to cope up with the emotions and sucking up all the knowledge I can, it just needs to pour out. It has not had much of a chance in past few months and though I decided to cut down on posts, even the quality has suffered.

All I do is work, stare into walls or sleep... and yes.. participate in class.
There are fools who think I do this for some ulterior motive. Something deep down has always kept me that way.

People tell me that I emanate bad vibes. Bad vibes indeed. People have told me that the first time they meet me.. they find me uptight, arrogant, a bastard, a no-good. Well that has been true.. I am all that till I become an essential part of your existence. Then you want to move away and then you move away. where does that leave me... where can I find my existence... where can I find out what I feel. where can I find pieces of me that you flung mercilessly out into the wild. then they expect me to accept them as they are. Too much expectation. That is the whole deal wrong...

Kabhi mausam se shikwaa thaa... kabhi kismet ko kosaa..
nahin maaluum ki kiski bhuul thii jo mujhe chukaanee padii
dard hai, nahin maaluum kahaan hai, kitnaa hai, bas itnaa ki
naa jii hii paa rahaa hoon naa hi dikhe kazaa khadii...

Ab to sochtaa hoon to hansii sii aa jaati hai apne aap pe... Itne kareeb par nahin pahunch saktaa.. tumhe mehsoos nahin kar saktaa ki kahin tumhe pataa naa chal jaaye..

Bas ab iss veham pe hi jii lenge kii kabhi tum hamhe chaahte they... bas itnaa to mujhe mere paas rehne do...

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