It hurts a bit when you realise that life around you, is infact a superset of your own. Almost all people have similar dreams, ideas, notions, feelings and yet everyone feels so special. What would happen to them, if you told them the truth. I would if I would want to hurt them. All these people have these small things special to them, intrinsic to them, that makes them special... that is what they say. I have written enough about how hurtful the world can be and how hurting can I be. It's not about pain and not about glamour.
Now it has changed. The rules have changed and the game too.
The one permament emotion of the inferior man is fear- fear of unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. - Mencken.
Now he things that I am inferior. I am not exactly feeling inferior. I have a belief in my abilities and my work and I know that I will make it eventually. But at what cost?
Now I agree with this... "Nothing is to be feared. it is only to be understood - Marie Curie"
I am trying to understand how things will take shape if I keep different attitudes. I analyse constantly.
Now I know two things about myself and they won't change.
First - I am a workaholic. I can't relax when I am home after a day's work. I could not even relax in Goa. I was trying to let go and could not. All those ideas had to be worked on.
Second - I am a control freak. I know that situations are unpredictable and they are unstructured. But it's like chess and it's neural nets at work. Finding similarities and analysing differences. Gosh that had be end of me. I like being in control and as long as the situation is uncontrolled, it keeps me interested... and then it becomes boring to me. I am never gonna settle down and lead a normal life. I want action in my own way.
Yesterday was special. A week's torment finally came out and I let my screams fill the skies. On top of a hill, outside the city, in a desolate place. God, that had be the end of me.
Now it has changed. The rules have changed and the game too.
The one permament emotion of the inferior man is fear- fear of unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. - Mencken.
Now he things that I am inferior. I am not exactly feeling inferior. I have a belief in my abilities and my work and I know that I will make it eventually. But at what cost?
Now I agree with this... "Nothing is to be feared. it is only to be understood - Marie Curie"
I am trying to understand how things will take shape if I keep different attitudes. I analyse constantly.
Now I know two things about myself and they won't change.
First - I am a workaholic. I can't relax when I am home after a day's work. I could not even relax in Goa. I was trying to let go and could not. All those ideas had to be worked on.
Second - I am a control freak. I know that situations are unpredictable and they are unstructured. But it's like chess and it's neural nets at work. Finding similarities and analysing differences. Gosh that had be end of me. I like being in control and as long as the situation is uncontrolled, it keeps me interested... and then it becomes boring to me. I am never gonna settle down and lead a normal life. I want action in my own way.
Yesterday was special. A week's torment finally came out and I let my screams fill the skies. On top of a hill, outside the city, in a desolate place. God, that had be the end of me.
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