Teens to Toons

The one thing I wanted to after I got my hands back. VITAL STATISTICS 1.) Name : Mr. Shoonya....Du..uh Wassit …… it really is ..why wud I lie? ..And yes I am a really that. 2.) Birthday : 1st Jan …….. yes I expect gifts ..why else wud I tell u this?.... All thoroughbreds have the same b'day 3.) Zodiac : No Idea 4.) Age : as of today 23 years …+ some months 5.) Mental age: ummmm ….errrr….. *waaaaaaaah * sucks thumb* curls up and goes to sleep... take a guess 6.) Where do I live : India/earth/solar system/ milky way…. Yeah all these details are important … 7.) Parents : du…uh … one mom and one dad …obviously .. 8.) Siblings : one elder sis …. She is the DEVIL...* grin * 9.) Economic status: broke...broke...broke... Bike takes petrol and me booze to run... 10) Love life status: SHOONYA...nil ..nada .. zero ..zilch always has been …*sob* … damn why has no one ever realised that I am perfect boyfriend material (yes I have proof ..quizilla says so :P:P ) WHAT I LOOK LIKE I look like I ...

“you want and You get that is luck. You want and You wait that is time. You want but you compromise that is life.. You want and You wait and You don’t compromise that is success.” “You want, You wait, You don’t compromise and then You get it. And then You regret it.”

The problem with men is that they cling to smallest possible hopes. The hopes that can make a mountain melt and snow burn. Females would extend the courtesies a bit and men would want them to make them their suitors. I do not know why this happens but this is what is happening to me!!!! This is not a good sign. I just have to be a normal friend and we will see what comes out of that. Remember "Expectation is cause of all misery." I am telling you....

This piece of software is driving me a bit crazy. I am struggling to adapt this to Itanium. It is a bit different. Somehow I feel that my knowledge is withering away. it has been two weeks and all it will take is a spark and that is what I am missing. I will get back I know. Somehow. Probably I will crawl on my four, but I will make it good. I promise.

I am just a nut. Time is all fine for the next round. I am going into the next round. Come what may. I am going to fight it all out. It cannot be unravelled. It cannot be done again. I have to do it now. This is the last time I am saying this. I need me to be myself. I am the SHOONYA.

Some nine years ago, one of my very close friends asked me, " Why do they ditch? Why do they promise and then their preferences change after sometime, they move away? They come back and say -I feel suffocated by love now, that I want freedom amd you restrict me, but then I do recognize your feelings, promise me you would never leave me, and continue this one-sided affection towards me- only to hear the YES, so they can use another person again as the doormat whenever they want to in their lives?� Then I did not have any answers to those questions. I understood his pain in asking such questions to me. And that sort of pain could not be minimized through philosophical jargons. I could not even ask him to forget her, I could not ask him not to develop suicidal tendencies, I could not brand him as a coward because his pain could not have been assessed. As a friend I could just give him a patient ear, a shoulder to cry and probably be dogged and determined myself to wipe his tears...

Amazing. It seems like a nice movie. If I see it is as a kid who was infatuated with Peter Pan, I love the way it has been made. It's dreamy and it's beautifully edited. Johnny Depp has acted in another classic and has another class act. I think it could have been better but then It is as good as it gets.

As I reach out for my twelveth fag tonite,I realise how much this need for smoke has become pivotal to my existence. These curls of smoke help blur my vision of walls around me,the stuff that they are made of. Chasing dreams,I unconsciously wove a surreal web around me and I seek happiness, a transient one. A year back,I landed here with a desire and umpteen ambitions to create my mark. Juvenile and vivacious, I gave my mind, heart and soul to the dream I nurtured. And was I rewarded- I climbed up the corporate ladder at an envious pace,made formidable contacts,lead a glamour tinted existence,built impressive bank balance,talked business over endless cocktail parties,but somewhere down the line,lost connection with the guy who was part of me for the previous 22 years of my life. He was an 'emotional one'-that's what someone called him fondly,with a heart as sublime as morning dew on fragile flowers. Years of manic paced timeline based struggle has lent my soul hues I detes...

Yes she is the affair that never was. The one thought that remained unsaid . The only thing i'll always regret , is ignoring what her eyes said. for i should have taken a step forward , but i stepped back instead i went to make my own way , not going where she would have led. yes and now all things done and said she remains my one regret. (ever listened to this song in hindi)

I have always finished last.... I agree to being a nice guy... Most people won't. I have always been dumped, shunted and off-loaded by all kinds of skunk. But I have always been nice. i have taken it nicely. I have taken it fair. I have never hurt them back. I could have, believe me, but I did not. I am an angel at heart. (now that is too much *grin*) Angels exist and have a heart too... L.H.S = R.H.S hence proved. Thus, I am a nice guy because I finish last. All my proofs in exam read like this. Disjointed.

It has been a long long time. I have not met a single woman who could make me feel "want" her. This is the truth. After her, I have not even talked to anyone in particular. I have not even made any attempt to do anything that would qualify as socialising. I spent the b'day all alone grimacing in pain. It is not flattering. Not many people like me. It is indeed sad. Let me see what I can do about that.

I am a sinner and I know that I have sinned. I am not going to justify it. I am a sinner and this is it. Period. Even this, the acceptance of the fact that I am a sinner is a sin. It is a sin to think words no others would ever want to think and to put them down upon a paper so that others can see. I am all that is bad and evil. But this is not the only sin in me. I have committed a greater crime, and for this crime there is no name and I guess, no punishment. What punishment awaits me it is to be discovered, for no such crime has ever happened in the annals of history. It is dark here. There is not a ray of light guiding me. Nothing moves in this hole save my hand on the paper. I am alone here under the earth. It is a fearful word, alone. And now there is nothing here, save my one body, and it is strange to see only two legs stretched on the ground, and on the wall before me the shadow of one head and it is so dark that I hardly can make out my hand. I must be hallucinating. I am ...

'I don't very often have the courage of my convictions face to face with people. This is why I became a novelist. If I was asked to pick the school child most likely to become a writer, I'd pick the shy boy or girl, the one who never manages to stand up for his or her beliefs. Who walks away from a lost argument thinking of all the answers that would have won it ... When I am inside a text I can say what I like. Not only about politics. I can be franker about sex, for example ... ' - John Fowles This is about as good as it gets.

If You Forget Me I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me. Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little. If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you. If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land. But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flow...

It is a wonderful start to this new year. It's my birthday today and although it does not matter, I look back and see some amazing people and memories. It's kind of tough to type, as the thing that I have broken is my left hand. Hehe. Last year, this time: We were going out of our minds. I think I was reading “An Equal Music”. Cannot believe a year has gone by yet. Last year, this time: I stayed up half the night to make a special gift for Abhijeet, who has eventually moved on. I have not given it to him as of yet. Last year, this time: I watched from close quarters what chaos weddings can be. … I am still recuperating. Last year, this time: We celebrated the new year with a poof. A phone call was all that happened. This time it is the beach. Last year, this time: I walked around goofing half the day and should have ideally learnt from the folly. I haven’t. Last year, this time: All my pals were still living in and around India. Today they are scatter...

Faking it is a need. It is the ask of the hour. It is a realization that has come too late. I need to hide the truth. I need to hide myself and mask myself, so that what I present is palatable. Last year I went as myself and did everything the way i wanted to. But it did not result in what I wanted. They ask me how I led a group to victory (something like that). If I tell them the truth, hehe, I can see their faces and the blood draining out. When I did it the way I did it, I created a fear in the minds of those hordes. They knew as the person, not to offend. If I said run, they ran and If I said work, they worked. It has always been like this. It was unilateral. It was unanimous. I was the ringleader and I did what I thought was right. It does not work in industry like this, they tell me, still. I still laugh at them. It is always that way. It is always one who is right and the other who is wrong. I can't tell them because they won't understand. So the fact is that if you a...

sab hai jab aashiq tumhaare naam ke, kyoun hain yeh jhagde rahim-o-ram ke. I have been tired for a long time now. I would love to have a debate on religion but I find no one. I would love to debate on anything, but I find no one. If any one ever understand intellectual isolation, he would sympathise with me. I am starving for a war of word. Growing wiser is not my cup of tea. I need a stronger one all the while.

It has been a long time since I have recieved a letter. A snail mail. When I returned home, yesterday I found a slip saying that since I had not been home, the registered letter has been taken back and it was advised that I should reach the post office between 10-11am or 4-5pm and get the letter. How could have I gone during those timings. Anywayz I slept late today and woke up just in time for this adventure. I reached the post office (around 7 kms away) after taking at least 20 U-turns. I asked innumerable people about the post office but to no avail. Finally I found it. I went inside and showed the slip to the postman. He went and cam back 15 minutes later and gave me a bundle of letters. which one is yours? Have you gotten your license? I went through the bundle thrice and was unable to locate the letter. He fumed. Gave me a dirty look. Ten minutes later, he was sweating. The letter was not there. I came to office after he apologized and promised to fond the letter. I know it...